Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
My 12 yr old son (disclosed his abuse 4 1/2 yrs ago) has decided he wants to be an advocate for other abused children and tell his story in hopes that it helps in some way with prevention. He wants to go REALLY REALLY public and make commercials, online videos etc.
With the exception of the immediate family he has stayed silent for the first 4 yrs. Several months ago a crisis intervention group came to his school (they do this once a yr to talk to kids about drugs/alcohol, death in the family etc....) where for the first time talked publicly (told the whole class) about his abuse. He said it was a HUGE weight lifted off his shoulders! I am so PROUD of him, he is my little ROCK!
While he knows that several family members (mainly his aunt) turned their back on him and took the abusers side. There are several family members that feel this way that he is unaware of. My mother (his grandmother) inparticular is very hateful towards me for "letting him believe this happened" and for tearing her family apart. I have hid this pretty well from my children because they still have warm/fuzzy feelings for her and she has managed to still show some affection towards them despite her feelings for me. I am fairly certain that once he moves forward in telling his story her hatefulness will be directed towards him and his brothers as well. I'm regretting shielding them from her at this point because now 4 years later I believe they are about to find out how she really feels.
I have told him that I completely support what he wants to do and that I think it's a great idea. That being said I have also told him that other people may react like his aunt did and asked if he was ready to handle that? He said, "if they act like his aunt then they are not real friends". I then told him that there may be other (I have not mentioned who) family members that may react the same way. He said "SCREW them, I don't care. I just want to keep other kids from being abused. If I tell my story maybe others will be brave enough to come forward so the abuse can be stopped for them."
So I am helping him march forward and am so PROUD to call him my son. But I can't help to worry that there is something I haven't prepared him for...CAN YOU THINK OF ANYTHING?
With the exception of the immediate family he has stayed silent for the first 4 yrs. Several months ago a crisis intervention group came to his school (they do this once a yr to talk to kids about drugs/alcohol, death in the family etc....) where for the first time talked publicly (told the whole class) about his abuse. He said it was a HUGE weight lifted off his shoulders! I am so PROUD of him, he is my little ROCK!
While he knows that several family members (mainly his aunt) turned their back on him and took the abusers side. There are several family members that feel this way that he is unaware of. My mother (his grandmother) inparticular is very hateful towards me for "letting him believe this happened" and for tearing her family apart. I have hid this pretty well from my children because they still have warm/fuzzy feelings for her and she has managed to still show some affection towards them despite her feelings for me. I am fairly certain that once he moves forward in telling his story her hatefulness will be directed towards him and his brothers as well. I'm regretting shielding them from her at this point because now 4 years later I believe they are about to find out how she really feels.
I have told him that I completely support what he wants to do and that I think it's a great idea. That being said I have also told him that other people may react like his aunt did and asked if he was ready to handle that? He said, "if they act like his aunt then they are not real friends". I then told him that there may be other (I have not mentioned who) family members that may react the same way. He said "SCREW them, I don't care. I just want to keep other kids from being abused. If I tell my story maybe others will be brave enough to come forward so the abuse can be stopped for them."
So I am helping him march forward and am so PROUD to call him my son. But I can't help to worry that there is something I haven't prepared him for...CAN YOU THINK OF ANYTHING?
deleted_user
Wow! how awesome of your boy! It is such a bitter sweet thing to hear!!!! As far as the grandma...well you can definitely share the things that YOU have lived through- with her. He might get that same shady reaction from her, obviously. Yes you need to be honest. Neverminf sugar coating things now...he has lived through a lot already. Look, she is all bitter with you and still acts sort of kind to the kids? Well you better prepare him that she "might" change her ways & although he says he will not care thats good! but it might sting. It always does sting when OUR own family acts a certain way, namely unsupportive right?
deleted_user
Wow! I think that is AMAZING that he is ready and so willing. My daughter has mentioned a few times of doing it, but she hasn't made the step yet and I don't want to push her. I think that if he has that attitude, then he is ready. You have given him the warnings, he knows it is likely, and it sounds like he has the right mindset to face the realities. Sure it will hurtwhen he is actually faced with it, but with all he's already been through, this will just be a little bump. Be there to comfort him when he needs it, but remind him all the good he is doing. I think this is absolutely wonderful...you have done a GREAT job in helping him heal! Way to go!!!! (((HUGS))) and prayers for you all during this next chapter!
USAdad
Without a doubt, your son sounds like a sharp and very well-intending individual. That's certainly not a bad thing. On the other hand, I can't help but wonder if this is actually the right thing. Perhaps if it's something that he can do that's rather short-term in nature, like an interview or maybe even a video recording, it may not be a bad thing. My only concern is that he spends too much time focusing on the things that happened to him. He's still very young, at the age where thoughts, ideas and priorities are changing rapidly. Locking himself into constant reminders of what happened to him concerns me a bit though. I'm just not sure that this is preferable over trying to move beyond his past experiences. After all, you don't want his life to revolve too much around the past in this case. Please tread cautiously here.
woulddoitagain
Thank you USAdad! At this point we are not rushing anything and definitely moving about cautiously (to the point he asks everyday "When?") The points you have made are concerns for me as well. While the experience will always be apart of him I don't want it to DEFINE him! I may check with the crisis intervention group that came to his school to see if there is a way they can use his story in some way.
deleted_user
I find children who have been through abuse become very strong children ,
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