Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
Well it has been about 4 weeks since my daughter told me, It has not been easy, my inlaws have not even called my daughter to support her. My SIL (her son was the perpetrator) has been in contact with me. In fact we are very close, and her son admitted to what my daughter told me and my SIL apologized and told him how wrong this was and that he could really cause her lifelong problems. So I thought even though we will never see them again maybe her and I could continue a relationship.To be honest,one reason I want to keep in contact with her to follow his progress and make sure he is in counseling. Well they were here visiting this past week(not here but at my inlaws), they got here late last Friday and I spoke to her this past Monday.After that nothing.Today is Friday and they were suppose to leave this morning.I have not heard anything from anyone, I am wondering if my MIL told her we wont be at a family wedding in April if HE is there. My MIL told my husband they talked and she agreed not to come so we could go, but then when I talked to my SIL on Monday she knew nothing of that. My husband immediately called his mom and told her again, if HE is there we will walk out. So now I am left wondering "WTH" To be honest I was rethinking my decision to stay friends with her,but that was my decision to make, I wanted to be the one,Very selfish and childish, I know but I feel that I am the victim's mother and that was my decision.How dare she take that from me, she should be begging me for forgiveness,not blowing me off!!!I know this sound so trivial, selfish,silly and self-centered but I feel like I have no power, no control.I want to scream "Your son felt up my daughter and you are not speaking to me?" Please! I appreciate everyone here reading my crazy comments and it truly does make me feel better. And if anyone says "Its not really that bad, we should all sit down and figure this out" well, I swear I am going to have to let Mama bear out! My husband is a lot better at keeping calm than I am although he thinks about what he will do when the boy turns 18. No other comments on that or I might incriminate him!
There's nothing you can do to turn these tides.
You do have control tho
Maybe not over the actions of others
But over your own actions
Your brain will want to give people you once viewed as significant some extensions of chance to come around, but most often once the genie is out of the bottle and they have declared their side, there's no stuffing the fat genie back in and convincing people to see things otherwise is just painfully not going to happen.
After you have given everyone their chance to come around, and when you realize they're not
Then you move on to acceptance of things you painfully can't change.
And then starts the process of dealing with and confronting your pain.
And then when you get sick and tired of allowing people to render you down, you move on and restructure your circle of those you hold close and work on leaving things behind.
It takes time
But! Also!
In the future, you're not going to be a prima Donna who dies over a broken nail. Your perspectives are going to change in terms of things you once found important.
With suffering comes wisdom.
You will leave behind you the baffled ignorant ones.