Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
In august we had found out the man who helped create me, we will call him Phil, had been sexually abusing my niece and daughter for years and he had confessed everything to the police so we are currently in the court process! I searched and searched and searched for his mugshot after his arrest and I could find nothing. It became an obsession for me. I needed to see his face to see if he had tears in his eyes, see if I could read his face, see him sad or scared or something. Well I found it this morning on a newspaper website. I saw nothing in his face. He was just looking at the camera with NO emotion on his face. The article upset the noise out of me! They said he is being charged with rape and gross sexual impostion against a 7 year old little girl. That is was a multi-jurisdiction investigation and listed what other jurisdictions that are involved. I totally get it please share the story but why would they have to put out there that it involved a 7 year old little girl.... MY little girl! No her name was not in the article but I know who they are talking about. I know how she feels about the situation. I know she is real and isnt some sad little girl crying constantly in her corner. I want to write the author and just ask her to take that part out of the article. Thats not too much to ask right. I just feel that I would be told "this is how we handle all articles and we cant do anything about it." I hate this man and I just want this all to go away. I wish with his conviction it would just be earsed from all of our memories except his of course! I have so many feelings I just cant get them all out but this is it this morning. I want to squeeze my girl and cry and punch something and just scream! I want to hear him apologize, i know it wouldnt change how I feel about him but I want something I want him to take all responsiblity. I dont even know what I want. I just want it to be over. There is a woman at my church that is going through a very very similar situation, but it was her husband, and she has all this support and seems to be hanging in there better than I am. It makes me so mad. I have talked to her and shared what I was going through because that is what I need at the beginning. someone to tell me what I was feeling was normal and it would be ok and that i was "normal" for having a constant fight in my head about caring about my dad but hating Phil! I think i was kinda hoping that it our common support for one another would bring us closer which inturn would make us stronger. That hasnt happened because everyone and their brother knows about her situation so what does she need my support for? Her daggone husband hurt her daughter and she cries every now and again and I know she is having a really hard time but the support she has it overwhelming. My family and I chose to just tell the our pastors and my best friends. It is like I am jealous of her support but at the same time it is not my story to tell (it is my daughters) and we as a family decided to keep it in a small group. I dont know what the heck I want but ugh this is all so stinking agrivating and I am so over it all! I just want it all to go away! I am sick of the constant fight with myself over everything!
Our abuser is my husband's father. He is in prison for 50 years. He smile at me when I identified him in the court room. I do not have closure. I will never have closure.
It is a very disturbing feeling reading the articles, and even (for me) listening to testimonies in the court room, and knowing they are talking about your child. In documents posted online they even gave the initials of his victims. It doesn't take a brilliant person to figure out who those initials belong to.
That's all I can write tight now. I have faith you will find welcoming healing hands here.
When my sons' abuser was finally arrested, it was in the papers, on the radio, online and on TV because he was a teacher. It was unbelievably difficult to hear and see the whole charade the news staff turned it into. It's what they do, their business is to sell it. I know it's hard, but you have to try to put it in a small box in your mind, stick it off in a far corner, and only take it out when you need to. The comments people wrote were horrific, even though our sons' names weren't included since they were minors when it happened. But 4 years later as adults, the arrest brought out the worst in people-- accusations that my one son was a jilted gay lover who did this to get back at his past partner (neither the victims nor the offender are gay), that the offender didn't mean anything, it was just a misguided mistake because of immaturity and we should be more forgiving, and other far more despicable false accusations. I wanted to comment back in the worst way, but a member of our church, who had lost a son to some controversial circumstances who I felt I could trust with our story, told me do not comment back, it only gives people more fodder and urges them to write even more crap.
The other mom in your church going through this is probably not in any place to support you at present, but may be down the road. It must be difficult to see her getting all kinds of support, but honestly, in my opinion, I think the way you are handling this is a wiser path to take. Telling something like this to others who haven't been through it can be risky, their initial reaction may be to support the victim and family, but down the road, when they think enough time has gone by and you should be over it and healed when you're not yet, they may become exasperated, and turn away. A few others here quite a while back shared that experience. We did what you're doing, shared with very few people because we knew we just couldn't handle any questioning of our judgement, or rejection.
My heart goes out to you, your daughter and your family. Keep coming and sharing what you need to share, even if it's just to vent. Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers....