Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group

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/ Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Support Group

I thought my daughter was doing so well

bonnieboo11
bonnieboo11
This has been a very tough week.my daughter and her best friend have been fighting,which brings on stress and that is when she starts thinking about the abuse.She told her school counselor about what happened and the woman called me today. she has helped my daughter alot over the years and we have a great relationship with her,I told her we were told we could not report the abuse but she is going to anyway,which is fine by me.She also mentioned that my daughter was telling her that she feels her life is ruined and so forth.She has alot of guilt over not telling us sooner.My daughter has been seeing a therapist for almost 3 years now for other issues and we really like her but I now believe she might not be a good fit.There is an organization NOVA who will provide free counseling with a therapist who specializes in abuse.When my daughter has a bad day its bad,wishes she was never born,my life is ruined ect.I am finding myself feeling depressed lately as there are alot of other things going on in my life so I guess I should talk to someone too.I thought this would get easier with time but I have a feeling it is going to get worse first.I feel too much sympathy for others,example my sister in law(her son was the perp),she has supported us and has owned up to what happened,her husband commited suicide 2 years ago and I know she is worried about her son,he was very scared when this all came out.I know my obligation is my daughter but I do feel for him,And I dont know what would happen if he did something like his father,my inlaws are stuck in the middle,they will do what we need but still.I thought we had this under control but I now feel everything has just gone crazy.I feel so helpless, I'm irritable,I'm nasty and short tempered,I can't sleep and I feel guilty for feeling like this because I need to support my daughter. Anyway i just spoke to CPS and their office will not do anything as it was child on child so it was forwarded to the police.Wondering what I can expect? Will they call to set up an interview? Will they just come to my door?My daughter will not be happy talking to them in the first place,especially a man and I dont want it to seem like I am difficult.Just wondering what to expect.
lovesmama
lovesmama
Is there a child advocacy center in your area? They can help with setting up a forensic interview since the police are now involved and they can also help you find appropriate counseling for your daughter... The child advocacy center was instrumental in getting us the help we needed... And helping us through the legal process as well... They even have law advocates that can talk with you about the legal side of stuff for free...!!!
lovesmama
lovesmama
Also my daughters abuser was a minor as well... This did not prevent us from pressing charges...!!!
lovesmama
lovesmama
He was my little brother, and he was 13 when he abused my daughter...
bonnieboo11
bonnieboo11
I don't know about charges,cos said they don't handle child on children abuse.I will call the advocacy agency on Monday.Having the police at your home is very overwhelming for an adult I can imagine how a child feels.
lovesmama
lovesmama
When I was 16 I was raped and I accidentally told my math teacher who reported it and they sent the police to my house... My mom sent them away and we did not report the assault to the police... Years later I have loads of anger at my mother for not doing the right thing and reporting the abuse to the police and for allowing me to hide in my bedroom while she lied to the police for me... I think she should have made me speak with them and explained to me how I was not only doing the right thing for myself but how I was protecting others from this abuse...

About a year later I found two other girls in my old high school who had been raped by the same not... And I realized I could have prevented their rapes had I spoken up...!!! It was a terrifying and guilty feeling...!!!

That was also child on child assault...

But I think that you where given case advice... My daughter was abused by a 13 year old, so child on child and we where absolutely able to report it and press charges...!!! Please do contact the advocacy center I hope that they can help you...!!!

But if the police do show up at your door please explain to your daughter that by speaking her truth she is empowering herself and also protecting other girls from future abuse... !!!
bonnieboo11
bonnieboo11
I fully intend to talk to the police but for my daughter's peace of mind I would rather it be done elsewhere.home is her safe place and I don't want her to feel her safe place was violated.
bonnieboo11
bonnieboo11
It was CPS who doesnt investigate child on child abuse,which is what we were told all along,they referred it to the police who will decide if charges should be filed,I just dont want it done in our home.She tells me all the time this is her safe place and I dont want that questioning done here.I feel bad for feeling bad for my sister in law,Does that make sense? But I am hoping her son receives mandatory counseling.
heartsadx3
heartsadx3
Sorry you going through this...it is overwhelming and one thing can make everything blow up or so it seems. Counseling for you would be good as well as appropriate counseling for your daughter. I had to finally get on,anti depressants because of my moodiness irritability anger that came out A lot as a result of. I feel so much better my brain feels better. The teams really did a number to me. Thankful to have the help I need because I am better able to handle the other things. Hope it all works out with your daughter just reassure her she and her teachers or counselor are doing the right thing.
lovesmama
lovesmama
I'm so happy you do plan on reporting it... If you want to prevent the police from coming to you... I would go to them first... There is no reason for them to show up unannounced if you go to them to make the report first... Also it is possible you can do that at the child advocacy center in your area if you have one... Best of luck to you and your little one...!!! Make sure to tell her she is very brave and a hero for speaking her truth and she will be responsible for preventing other possible abuse on other girls...!!!! I actually bought my daughter a real trophy and had it engraved with her name and the words, for her bravery and honesty... I gave it to her when she graduated from sexual abuse counseling... She is very proud of that trophy and it is a positive reminder of how strong she was to speak her truth!