I guess I should have read this before I responded to your other post, so regarding telling the police, my info about that is in that thread. But what does jump out at me is that your daughter had anxiety and has been seeing the counselor for 2 yrs, and the abuse happened 2 yrs ago. I'm guessing she's 11 now, and I know it's hard to go against what she wants, but as much as she does need to have input and feel like her thoughts and feelings are being respected, she also doesn't have the maturity to make the decisions yet; you are the parent. My kids didn't disclose until after they turned 18, so my husband and I could have no say in anything, and could only get info about any of it only if one of our kids gave them permission. You do have the ability to have some control, and it seems that the therapist should know about this. S/he may not be guiding the sessions in the right direction without this piece of the puzzle. Here's a link to the Mothers of Sexually Abused Children site and their counseling page. This whole site is one I've found to be very educational, so I hope it's helpful for you: http://www.mosac.net/default.asp?pageid=269&deptid=1 . Also, here's the link to their page on reporting: http://www.mosac.net/default.asp?pageid=60&deptid=1 .

I believe it is your therapists responsibility to notify the police. They are a mandatory reporter. That is how it is in IA and NE anyway.

In my state every citizen is a mandatory reporter - so if something happened and you were investigated and they found out your knew (as well as your sister-in-law) it could mean a charge for you. In my state health care and counseling professionals can face felony charges if they do not report, and citizens can face misdemeanor charges. Just something to research and think about while your are considering what to do. I agree with Bandmom5 that the counselor not knowing all of the information may not be able to properly help your daughter. Good luck - it is a tough situation to be in.

Very tough road ahead...but coming forward is in baby steps....there are kegal issues that are necessary to move forward. Children seem to hide this for the obvious reasons but perhaps coming out now wull allow her not to take tgis with her into her teens.....she can get help and become healthier emotionally sooner rather than later.

This is my thought
If she has anxiety / panic do
She may have endured even more than she disclosed to U
In fact that is how kids disclose
As if they're sending out little test balloons - little bits of disclosure each time and they watch to see Ur response.
i would be super careful with this - because it may be a whole lot more... And it may not be

"As if they're sending out little test balloons" -- 96, that describes my daughter's lifelong attempts at disclosure exactly. I think she had to let out little bits of strange information and odd fears to release as much as she could without coming out with the whole truth because she feared for our lives if she told us. These are the comments that haunt me, in hindsight -- these invitations to ease her fears enough so that she could carry on. Bonnieboo11, I hope what your daughter has told you is the end of it. Do stay alert for statements that feel like hints. And take care of yourself -- you need an ally of your own; I hope you're consulting a therapist, too.

I understand your feelings, but if you don't tell her therapist, how will she get help dealing with the feelings she has about this? This is something she is thinking about or I don't think she would have told you. If you don't want to be the "bad guy", let her therapist be the one to report it. In my state, everyone is a mandatory reporter, but people in positions such as therapists, social workers, police are mandatory reporters.

I agree with what others have said as well; the perp has other victims. He is likely to do it again without help. Other children that are exposed to him need to be protected. If he is forcing himself onto other kids sexually, that is a big problem regardless of the age differences. Of course his mother doesn't want you to do anything about this. It is her son and she doesn't want him to get in "trouble". We are going through this right now too. Protecting the perp doesn't do him or anyone else any good. He needs treatment so that he won't continue doing this to other kids.

If you tell her therapist, he or she is automatically mandated by law to report it to the police.

No, he will not get "better" just because he was caught once. What if he has been caught before he assaulted your daughter, but no one reported anything? Wouldn't you wish they had?