Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group

This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !

908 Members
4,374 Posts
0 Online
Personal Challenges
/ Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Support Group

I seem to atract adult disclosures...

warriormomx5
warriormomx5

(*This is not meant to be a faith-based argument but I needed to set the stage for the story & don't mind sharing my stance on spiritual matters. )


So, today, one of the men of our church & I got into a theological debate about whether or not a Christian who doubts the very existence of God when going through difficult trials is truly a Christian...I believe, because I struggled with it myself, that yes, that individual can be saved.  He does not.  Anyways, long story short, he knew about my kids (the basics) & when I followed up with him after Sunday School, he started with "I've gone through some pretty horrible things, things that probably nobody else has ever gone through, but I've never doubted that there was a God."  When I retorted "I've been dealing with horrible things since I was 4 years old," he blurted right out, staring me in the eye, "alright, look, I was molested as a child too!"  



I was a bit taken aback by this due to the type of man he is, very macho, very strong, very stoic, very private, always thinks he's right...for him to be so vulberable AND blurt that out SO loudly that anyone nearby could hear it, kinda shocked me!  We exchanged horror stories of childhoods & discussed a bit more spiritual matters before moving on with life.  Before i left church, I shared with him that I'd keep what he shared with me confidential.



The funny thing is, this is the 2nd person in my church who's disclosed to ME about their chilhood abuse.  While I am glad they feel comfortable enough to do so, I just struggle sometimes with seeming to be "THAT" person that people talk to about "that" stuff.  I also had my mother-in-law, my husband's ex-bosse's wife, my mom, my sisters, etc. Disclose to me about their sexual abuse.  Sometimes, I just wish I wasn't earmarked to others for this type of conversation, you know what I mean?

hopefulmama
hopefulmama
You must just have a kind face! But I'm sure you would rather not know about all the horror in this world.Also imagine the relief they must feel,if I wasn't for this group I would be mad! It is horrible to keep everything inside,it helps to talk,it validates the victim.How much we learn by talking about it.I asked my therapist a few weeks ago why she thinks there is so much child sexual abuse these days,what has changed,how did we get here.What she answered I did not expect to hear.She believes there is not more,there is just as much as 50 years ago.I though,no way!, She is wrong.But being a sexual abuse therapist she says she knows it to be true because the parents of the children she sees report to her their abuse.How freeing to confess abuse to someone who has been there, YOU! God is using you to be a blessing to someone who needs to let it out and not be judged!
Bandmom5
Bandmom5
I find myself agreeing with your therapist. I think there were far less reports of it all these years. 1 in 3-4 girls and 1 in 5-6 boys are sexually abused before the age of 16, that is the statistic for REPORTED cases; many aren't reported which would mean that statistic is lower than in reality. I've had the same experience; when I get to the point I trust someone enough to tell what happened to my sons, they frequently respond with their own stories of abuse, or of others they know. I always ask if it was reported, and they almost always say that it was not reported...
Momabearx10
Momabearx10
Same here the stats are wrong. There are many many people who never report or tell. When it came out I was abused 3 of my cousins told me and never told a soul else. When my son disclosed. 3 grown men opened up to me and my husband. We are the only ones they ever told.
Naive1.2
Naive1.2
About 15 years ago, people were growing concerned that there were suddenly so many "more" children with autism than there used to be. If you don't remember kids with autism in your elementary schools 20-50 years ago, it's because schools weren't prepared to help them, they were thought to be uneducable, and so they weren't sent to school There were no statistics on these hidden children either, until schools had special services designed to help them. So it seems like they are "everywhere." They always have been.

Anyhow, Warriormom, your story reminds me of something my sister (who has been through her own tragic trials) said to me when my adult daughter disclosed that she was both addicted to opiates and a survivor of violent child sexual abuse (as I've said earlier, I knew about neither trauma 6 years ago). She said (something like), "Some people are like lightning rods. They absorb and process enormous amounts of pain and that helps purify the world." (I sure hope my daughter comes out the other side of that dual lightning strike; in fact, there's a lot of positivity happening -- she's 10 months clean now, and back in school!)

I think it's similar for healers. We don't necessarily know we're healers until we are called. It's not easy or enjoyable, but it sounds like you have joined a particular level in the ranks where you inspire disclosure and communion in others, unconsciously. Friendly face? I'm sure you have one, but I also think there's a spiritual beacon that shines from some healers and those who are lost follow it toward shore.....a mixed blessing. A lighthouse, too, has to weather the storm.

You might want to pass along to your new friend at church that Mother Teresa was an atheist for long stretches in her life, so profound was her doubt that God could allow so much suffering. And yet she persisted in her good, hard work, because she could still believe in THAT. Was God actually working through her hands? Did God guide your friend in your direction? Certainly God allowed you to support him in a way that he deeply needed on that particular day. I am sure your response was an absolute balm to him.

I have to tell you a joke I love that may give you a little laugh in repayment for your hard, healing work:

One Sunday, a pastor gives a sermon about how God works in mysterious ways. During the sermon, one guy in the congregation sits in deep contemplation.

On his way out of church, the guy shakes hands with the pastor and says, "If I worked that mysteriously, I'd get fired!"