Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group

This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !

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maDeLo 02/26/2017

I was in sunday school and we were talking about fasting for Lent and how some secs of christianity give up meat for Lent. (ie Catholics) well I thought about a really funny story from when I was in like the third grade at a Catholic school. My dad had packed my lunch that day and when I opened it it was a lunchable I was so excited! Well the kids at my table all started saying "you can't eat that it has meat in it and it is friday." Well my response was "Well my dad isn't Catholic so its ok."

I couldn't share that memory today. I just couldn't. I couldn't share a happy memory I had of the man that abused my daughter for years and is dead to me. So I cried. I still have these happy memories of him but I don't feel like I can ever share them again because of what he did. I don't feel right laughing at these memories or even having memories of good times where he was apart of them. I feel like I have lost not only my dad but apart of my childhood. I can never share those stories again, I can never laugh at them anymore, I feel sick when I realize that I am having a fond memory of the man that abused and raped my daughter.

I am having such a rough time with it today. My counslor has given me a million and one ways to redirect my negitive talk towards myself but she hasn't taugh me how to pull myself out of this dark place and if she has I am not finding it in my "tool box". I am just so sad and I miss my dad and I just want to be able to have these happy memories and not have the negitive emotion I have towards the man that was my hero. I was the worlds biggest daddy's girl, I loved being with him, I wanted to be just like him. Now that is all gone. I don't have a dad anymore. I can't have these fond memories with him anymore, I can't just call him up and ask him for advise on "dad" stuff.

I just wanna lay here and cry but I can't because well... kids. I just want to dig a hole and hide away in my own self pitty for a few days. I want my dad back.

(to be clear. Jason (my daughter's abuser and the man who helped create me) is in jail and I have no intention of letting him back into my life. I pretty much just want to replace him as my dad with someone else... like the dad from Growing Pains or Full House or 7th Heaven (the character not the actual guy). I want a new dad or to go back in time and have my uncle in these memories or I just wish... well heck I don't even know what I wish... I am just sad and rambling now)

crybaby 02/27/2017

I think many of us struggle with this when it's a relative, be it a husband or whoever, but when it's your dad, that's bad......I guess I can't offer much that your 'tool kit' doesn't have in it already.....except to say.....you are not alone in this suffering.....you know there are many members here to support you...perhaps I am not the best one to do so, but I am listening, feeling and responding xxxxxxxxx

ashley73 02/27/2017

I am so sorry. I can't relate to this, as my situation is different but I can definitely try to put myself in your position and imagine that it's very painful. How hard it must be to have these good memories of a loving father and your past, only to have it tainted by this horrible thing in the present. You are morning the loss of your daughters innocence AND of one of the strongest bonds you had - that of a father and daughter. :-( Like crybaby, I don't have any advice, but I will say that I feel for you and am listening and hope that with time you will find peace. Hugs....

Eeyore 02/28/2017

You are going through the grief process still and there's no time scale to it, I understand both as someone who has lost both parents to cancer but mainly as someone who the perpetrator is someone I love and grieve for, I want my husband as I've always known him the loving funny happy person I've shared 21 years with but instead I now have the memories of what my daughter has told me and of the step dad she had and how she sees him.
I am still living with him at the moment ( preparing to move out) so I still see that other side of him and it hurts and confuses me although I am strong enough to cope till I am away for good.
You miss the dad your head and heart has good memories of and that's hard.
I wish you could just go and get a new dad, I'd order one too lol
You can't take away the good and bad memories you have they will always be there. I hope you find the strength in being able to process these without it hurting as much one day xx

heartsadx3 03/07/2017

It took me a while to get to this as I have seasons of sadness too. It was my step dad who abused my daughter but the person I miss is my mom who stands by her husband and chooses him over me and her grandchildren. It's hard to remember the good without feeling the sting of the reality of the choices she's made that hurt so deeply. She didn't abuse my kids but she abandoned me and the kids when we needed her most and took sides with the monster that hurt my then just turning three year old daughter.

I agree with the above it's a grieving process and an acceptance process. Once when I was missing my mom so much someone here told me that I don't need that mom anymore because I am that mom that I wanted for me ... for my kids. I do have a sole parent that I run to in trouble and that's God "Abba" Father. I am comforted that He will never abandon me or hurt me or my children and that despite everything I've done or has been done to me He has good planned for me.

It's tough to allow good to reside with the bad but while doing my inventory I had to put both the negative and positive ways each person in my life affected me. For my mom and my step dad. Even though they have hurt me more than any other person has or could. It made me realize that I can keep the good because good existed and that's something I want to pass on but the negative I try with God to change in me so as not to pass that on. I hope in time peace will reside and acceptance. Blessing and healing be yours today.

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