Why is it so common for people not to believe children about sexual abuse? It's very disturbing! That's too bad about your family. I feel really bad for you and your son! Did your son just tell you recently about what happened? He's a brave boy. I know a person can get a polygraph as young as 12 years old. That's an option, then you could show your family the proof. I hate how the children seem to have less rights then the pedophile though. You could say to your sister, that if her husband is innocent then he wouldn't mind taking a polygraph. Because an innocent person will do anything to prove it. If he doesn't want to take it, well, that's really suspicious! Are the police investigating? Do you have friends you could talk to, instead of your family right now? You need the support of people backing you up and to vent to.
The best thing you did for your son was believing him! YAY Mom! Kids need that support. Take care! :)

I guess we were "lucky" (if you can call anything in these situations lucky) in that my daughter was abused by her step brother and he admitted it when the police picked him up. I am amazed that a woman would want to stay with a man who has done this, or even is suspected of it. The only way I would stay with a man is if he passed a polygraph and the victim failed it. I am so sorry you are going thru this. We are here for you to vent and talk to. I agree with lilyhammer that you will need to find other people to substitute for your family right now so that you have someone on your side you can confide in and have support from. Be proud of yourself for standing up for your son and hold you head high. Tell your son to do the same. A word of caution, I have read a lot about what they call "second hand abuse" where a victim then acts out what happened to him/her on other children. With your son on the brink of puberty, you will need to discuss it with him, and be vigilant to make sure he doesn't end up doing the same to some other child. Not because he is bad or evil, but because of what he went thru. Therapy might be of benefit to him. We started a new rule at our house that there were NO closed doors unless using the bathroom or getting dressed. When they play with friends, the door must be open. When they are in each other's rooms, the door must be open. Good luck to you and your son, we are out here if you need us.

Shattered it is very sad that the perps family, spouses etc...most of the time believe them and stand by them and assume the victim is at fault. No wonder our children don't want to speak out when they are being abused. They are told by the molester that no one will believe them and it's your fault etc.... They are the sick ones. One day your sister will realize what she is married to. Hopefully not because he will continue to do this to other children (but he will). She probablyl has red flags going up in her mind, memories that something wasn't right etc...she is in denial. I have lost all of my husband's side of the family that all believe my daughter is lying, crazy or has mixed up memories that my saintly father in law would never touch a child. As mom's we know our children and we know the pain and the shame they feel. They all choose to do the easy thing and deny. Hang in there and get help for yourself. This is a roller coaster ride, you will have up days and down days. Concentrate on your immediate family right now and maybe one day you will get that call that says they believe you, they are sorry....maybe not. Just take care of yourself and your child. Stay strong and hold your head up high. Hopefully justice will be done and he will be punished.

Thanks for all the encouragement evryone.My son told me in May 2009,when he was 10.The police have done their investigations and my son had gone through medical exams and all that,but my sister still wouldn't listen to anything.no polygraph but the medical examiner who looked at my son said that this guy surely did something to my son.My son actually had to go through a lot of interviews because it happened in two states.This monster did it at his home and took my son to his job on a weekend and abused him there too.I'm also getting discouraged at how slow the justice system is working on this.I really don't have friends to talk to about this because I'm afraid that if they learn about what happened to my son,they will look at him differently.

This seems to be the typical response from families. The people you are certain will stick by you seem to be the ones to turn their backs the fastest. In my case, people I never even really considered friends are the ones that stood up for me after they found out. Just stay strong for your son's sake. You ARE doing the right thing by standing up for him. Take things one breath at a time and just focus on breathing. (((HUGS)))

Our pediatrician told us that it is the norm for people to be in denial and for families to be torn in half. I took comfort in this for a while as I am estranged from my sister because she doesn't believe her husband would do that and my mom is at the very least ice cold as she blames me for destroying her family. As I said, I took comfort in those words for a while, but in all honesy I just can't get my head around it. I can say however, take pride in knowing that you believed and stood up for your child and are taking the steps necessary to keep your son safe.

I think you should try talking to your friends, just because you need support. I have found that most of my friends are very supportive to me and my daughter. One person, I thought who would be understanding was not. She is the girlfriend to my husband's youngest brother. I thought for sure she'd be on our side, but she was actually quite nasty to me. I was shocked because I thought we were friends. I was hurt and felt betrayed, but now I think, at least this horrible situation weeded out the people we do not need in our lives. But most were supportive! I'm glad you joined this group though, because we all will offer support for you and your son.

Shattered14,

I'm so very sorry to hear of you're plight ! I'm only going to say that my wife has been thrown to the curb for the abuse she endured from her brother. We have seen 5 different therapist and each and every one of them has told us the exact same thing (YOU MUST SEVER THE TIES WITH FAMILY). I know it is so very very difficult to do as I'm the one who has made every attempt to try and make it work. However, you're poor son needs to be away from anything that minimizes his abuse. He and you have not done anything wrong ! The abuse falls on the shoulders of your son's abuser. However just being around folks who try and make him out to be the bad guy will hinder his recovery. HE NEEDS TO KNOW HE HAS DONE NOTHING WRONG !!!!!

I would strongly encourage you to seek as much information as you can about Childhood Sexual Abuse and then send that information to your family. So often families try and play the game "why can't he just get over it" they don't ever just get over it. I know my words may make you sick, and for that I'm sorry but I assure you from experience unless your family can change you and your son will forever be dissapointed.

Things can change but I assure you without the family truly understanding what Childhood Sexual Abuse does to its victims/survivors your poor son will have a very very difficult time in his recovery. He needs and must have support from each and every one of his family members....

Please take my advice with a grain of salt, it is only from a supporting husband to a survivor....

I truly hope and pray things will be better for your son !!!

Thank you again for all the support and advice.I surely feel blessed to have found this site.

I understand all too well. my family was already shattered before with my father's alcoholism and when my mother chose to stay with my step father ( he abused my daughter) it left my daughter and I on our own. Even my ex husband was not much help. they all blame us for all the trouble and my daughter's behavior. I am left being the only one trying to help my daughter. I have one or two friends that care but that is not the same. good website that I just did discussion on is; http://www.mosac.net/ this is for mothers and some of the best info I have seen for mothers. I have been on daily strength for a couple of years and took a break for a while. My story is my daughter was abused by my step father from the time she was 18 months until she was about 14 years. she has the full gamut of troubles emotionally and physically. she is almost 20 years old and every day is a struggle. I have been through hell and back. I totally understand what you feel.. Please try the website I mentioned that may help. http://www.mosac.net/

I came across this site this evening and made started a discussion with the title..."advice please". For the first time tonight I have stopped crying. I feel reassured that I am doing the right thing standing by my child. Right now it feels like my life is literally falling apart, and all of your posts are helping ease the pain. It is sooo hard for me as a mother to understand how a person can feel "torn" or not believe a child. I love my sister to the moon(she still talks with the abuser and wants my child/ren in her wedding party where he also will be, and I will have made a stand to not let my child/ren be a part and she is devastated)....I just cannot understand how she does not get this. I am so thankful to have come across this site. ((HUGS))