Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
Hi, I have just joined this group, thank you for accepting me. I guess I should tell my story, so deep breathe, here goes....
When my daughter was 15, she finally disclosed that at the age of 11, my ex had raped her. My world fell apart. All of my daughter's bad, rebellious behaviour suddenly made sense, and I felt such a failure for not spotting the signs, felt I had let my daughter down in the worse way possible. My daughter tried to end her life 3 times, and was very nearly successful. She was deemed as not mentally strong enough to withstand a trial of this historic rape, but the file will stay open , if she ever finds the strength. Until then, I will support her and accept her decision, but I am finding it increasingly heart rending to watch her suffer. She has been diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety and depression. She does not leave my home, unless for Dr appointments. She has been left with traumatic scar tissue, which has caused many gynaelogical problems that seem never ending. I just want to see my daughter laugh again, and to live her life to the full. I feel that if we never address, and get over this, then he has won. I cannot see an end to this nightmare, and really do not know what to do next. She is now 19, nearly 20 and I worry about what will happen to her if I am not around any longer..........
I would like to recommend a therapy called EMDR for both you and your daughter. One of its main applications is helping clients with PTSD. Your daughter has been diagnosed with this, and you, as her loving mom, are experiencing secondary PTSD for having endured all the pain and chaos disclosure has unleashed in your life. EMDR allows a person to deal with one small thought at a time and to strip it of its power to cause fear, grief, anguish, etc. However, the therapy itself sinks in deeper than that surface thought, and begins to work on deeper issues.
I have done EMDR only a few times, and it has helped me more than two years of talk therapy. My daughter tried once and liked it, but unfortunately decided that illegal drugs provided a faster "fix," and has not gone back. If your daughter is willing to leave the house for doctor's appointments, she may be willing to try this, especially because it involves so little -- if any -- discussion of trauma. I highly recommend that you try a couple of sessions yourself so you can recommend EMDR to your daughter.
A final thought: why should you live with guilt? The bad choice was your ex-husband's.