First I'm so sorry and we all know how you are feeling.Does your family not believe it happened? Unfortunately families tend to side with the abuser,why I'll never understand. Also the chances of him being abuse is very high.When children abuse it is likely they are abused themselves,not that what he did is ok but maybe that can give you some understanding.We have all been through the emotions and they are intense,but to get through them you must feel them.You got your family counseling and that's huge.You will find much support here,hugs

Hi , I so know how you feel . I'm a single mom too both my parents have pasted and I'm struggling every day with the guilt and grief . The unbelievable heart ache for my daughter. This is such an isolating pain as to tell anyone feels like betraying everyone involved . I'm in therapy to and although she is good and it does help she evens admits she can't even fathom the
internal conflictt I'm going through. That's why she suggested I turn to an online form. I really need to talk with people that understand how devastated I am .

I only have a moment to say hi, and how sorry I am that your effort to help your brother turned into a nightmare for your children and you. This is not your fault. Much love to you.

I am so incredibly sorry you are going through this. I have a son, almost four, who was abused by an older child. I cycle through many different emotions, and the only things that bring me even a remote amount of comfort are
1. My child disclosed to me! This in an of itself is an amazing victory, as the majority of children do not disclose until triggered later on in life, if at all. This means your children trust you. You have created a safe, loving, life-giving space for them. You are a wonderful mother. Even when I feel absolutely overcome with guilt, I tell myself these things until I start to believe them.
2. Children are resilient. They are so, so, so resilient. You are doing everything right by seeking therapy and continuing that safe, trust-filled environment. The wounds will heal. I tell myself daily "His wounds will heal. His wounds will heal. His wounds will heal."

Keep doing what you are doing, affirm yourself especially when you don't want to. This is, in no way, your fault.

Thank you all for your support. I greatly appreciate it. This does make me feel much better. I constantly am feeling alone and abandoned. I don't have any family around, and I feel abandoned by them. But this forum is gonna help I can tell. I appreciate it.
I have recently, like last week, found out that my little brother did it to my daughter too. She's 7. and it is making this whole process much harder to handle. So I really appreciate this forum. It is a much needed release.

To Hopefulmama: Thank you. My family believes, but no one wants to help or even talk to me about it. My brother was abused, I knew that he could perpetrate but I didnt think he would do it to my kids. his niece and nephew. I also thought I pretty tight grip on things to ensure that it didn't happen, but clearly I did not. I am so thankful for the counselling. without I would drown.

to Amothertorn68: Thank you for responding. I feel even worse about being a single mom, and the guilt is greater. Like if I had someone else around this wouldn't have happened. even though it sounds ridiculous I cant shake the feeling that maybe I just need to go date someone just to have that other person around... sounds so stupid in my mind. How do you cope with that? or do you even feel the same?... I just don't even understand what all this feeling is. its overwhelming. and lonely.

to Naive1.2: Thank you for taking the time to respond even when you didn't have much of it to give. That means something, thank you. It is really hard to cope with the fact that I was just trying to help this kid, and I Feel betrayed by him even though I know that he doesn't even know what he did was wrong.

To Thisquietdust: Thank you so much for responding! You're absolutely right. The fact that my kids disclosed to me is amazing. It makes me feel like a good mom and I'm doing right by them. I need to remember this because when I get mixed in all the overwhelming feelings its easier to feel like a piece of crap than a rockstar mom. And thank you for your step 2. that is beautiful. His wounds will heal. And I will be telling myself this from now on. Cuz everytime I look at him I just bust out crying so hard. I needed this thank you so much.

Quick question: is your brother developmentally disabled? How is it that he doesn't know that what he did was wrong?

Good morning ,
Being a single mom is one of the hardest things I've ever done . My daughter 16 , the victim , has an anxiety disorder . I've spent most of her life creating an atmosphere that she can not just function in but thrive. However it is truly exhausting. My son 20 ,the offender, has always seemed to have adjusted well with the absence of his father. They had a very troubled relationship . Looking back now I think he was just very good at hiding his pain. Over the years I have often thought life would be so much simpler if I had someone to back me up. Honestly one of the biggest factors for me to remain single ( 7 years now) was because I feared that I may bring someone into their lives that could do them harm. Little did I know I already had that person in her life.
My whole life I have been driven to give my kids everything I could. Always putting them first. I have struggled and cryed many a night with all the stress a single parent has. I think that is why I feel so much loss and guilt. I keep thinking what could I have done to change this ? How could I have not see this in him ? Why do I still fiercely love him ?
I'm not sure where you live but I'm a Canadian and counciling is not free. So the financial issue of getting the eight help is also a big stress.
I can only tell you what I feel works for me . But adding someone else into this mess would only add to my stress. People always tell me how strong I am ( my divorce was messy) but honestly I'm not but what do you do ? Just take things one step at a time. I try not to over think. I try to only deal with what I can in the moment .
I am here for you . I check in most days so please if you need to vent or whatever go for it !

Naive1.2: He was sexually abused when he was a child. His dad and step mom knew about it and they never got him help. He is not disabled, but he doesn't realize that it's wrong. His whole life he has had these adults in his life showing him that it is no big deal. When I questioned him about it, the first thing he said was "it was just a little object, it was no big deal, it didn't hurt him" ... so he knows but he doesn't know. Does that make any sense? lol. but yeah. that's why it is so hard to be mad at him for this.

amothertorn: wow. I cannot imagine if my son was the perpetrator. how do you cope? I understand the questioning yourself, but how do you cope? I am having trouble just getting out of bed and moving my feet to walk. theres so much other stress and so much going on and then this and I am having the worst time dealing...
being a single mom and all the stressors is hard enough. I agree. My kids have different dads and neither of them are here with us. I am dealing with this all alone.

It's so sad that a child is so damaged that he believes it's ok. Is he getting help? At 13 not knowing right from wrong is setting g him up for a life of disaster. I think maybe his abuse was more than you know about.I will keep your family in my prayers.

Hopefulmama: Yeah it is very sad. I wish I could have helped him. but I had to choose my children first. I don't know if he is getting help now or not, but he does really need it. I feel sad for him that he had to grow up like that. I wish I could have helped. I think he has suppressed memories. He doesn't quite remember, or he just didn't wanna talk about it.
Thank you for praying for us. I greatly appreciate it.

Do you have any legal documentation of your brother's need to move in with you? I'm afraid you are likely to be legally required to report your brother. If I were you, I'd start with your district attorney's special victims' unit. Tell them he disclosed that he was sexually abused, and has subsequently abused your children. Their office may be able to direct you to free counseling for your brother. He desperately needs it, even though your perfectly natural impulse was to help your own children first. It sounds as if your brother is still living with you?? He has no one else to help him in this tragic situation; it sounds as if you are his only hope.