Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group

This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !

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/ Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Support Group

I hope this helps someone/ system is a mess

bonnieboo11
bonnieboo11
As per my other post, daughter was cutting and expressed suicidal thoughts, let me tell you the mess the system is.So when she told me it was the day of her appointment with her trauma therapist,I was in a tailspin and was late to our appintment so therapist called.I explained everything and she gave me the run down on who to call,2 places.One about 45 minutes away the other 2 hours.Of course the 2 hour one is better.So I call the one that is farther away, Heres the info. Even though daughter has suicidal thoughts does not mean they will take her,she has to have an active plan,the woman told me about a day treatment plan,Mon-Fri 8-3 that she would probably qualify for,she suggested I call the closer place.I did,they told me the same.They said I could walk in anytime for an eval and if needed they would keep her if they had a bed and they did not.So they would do an area wide bed search,she made it a point to tell me we would have to sit there and wait,she also said they did not have anywhere for my daughter to sleep if it took awhile to find something, we would just have to sit and wait.They also said we would have no say in where she went. So the closer place does not have a day program for my daughter's age, they referred me to another place.I called them, Now this is Thursday mind you.They gave us an appointment for Wed the 6th. crazy. So we will go in and they will evaluate her,if they think she needs to be kept there they will if they have a bed, they did not that day.If she is accepted into the day program she will start the next day.I am nervous as hell,I don't know what I will do if they keep her,I have heard the stories.Oh and another twist since my daughter has Selective Eating Disorder it is pretty concrete that she wont eat the food there,in which case they told me they would transfer her to an eating disorder facility,Ugg. She is 12, The abuse is really messing with her mind,she feels guilty for not telling us sooner,she feels guilty for not saying no,she is confused as to why he did it,and to top it off her and her best friend are not speaking, They have been friends since 2nd grade,I found out from her stepsister that this girl has made another friend who does not like my daughter and she says my daughter is annoying,I dont have the heart to tell my daughter all of this but I can see the friendship is over.I take them all to school and my daughters best friend does not even talk to her,gets out of the car and does not even walk into school with her anymore.I feel so bad for her. I am very depressed today,its cold and rainy and I am so upset that she feels like this. I hate that boy, He broke my daughter and made her want to hurt/kill herself.I hate him
Naive1
Naive1
OMG, bonnieboo, this is just too much!!! And it's sadly familiar -- at one point when my daughter was in crisis, our ER was all set to admit her to the psych ward where she would be with two other patients -- both MEN. Um, NO. I thought it was just OUR hospital that could be so incompetent. I'm absolutely furious on your behalf. And I am so sorry that your daughter is being ostracized when she most needs friendship. What a great time for winter to return, too! Gosh, I wish I could be of more help than to say, you are doing everything right, even if the system is set up all wrong. It's STILL spring, even if it feels like winter -- you're on the right side of disclosure. And you go ahead and hate that boy for all it's worth -- you have to deal with those feelings, and revenge fantasies can be useful in this way. But everything you do in reality -- every step you are taking -- is pulling you forward. Keep going. Keep going. Many hugs.
ashley73
ashley73
So sorry to hear this. I hope your daughter will get the help she needs and deserves soon. I doesn't seem right that she has to wait and you have to jump through so many hoops. It's so sad that she is losing her best friend along with all else she has lost. No wonder you're feeling depressed. :-( But she has you and for that she is one lucky girl! What a caring and amazing woman you are! Please don't be discouraged and get a punching bag or something if you need one - pretend it is that boy! Hope Wednesday goes well. Hang in there!
bonnieboo11
bonnieboo11
OMG men? What did you do? I feel like I have no say if they keep her. I am feeling,well, Im feeling nothing.I can't let myself because I am on the verge of a total breakdown, so I am just pushing everything deep down and will deal with it later.I know that is not good but I have to keep my wits about me,I know at 12. years old it is a time of loosing friends and making new ones but this came at the wrong time. 3 years of counseling and being stumped as to why it wasn't working, her therapist even told me this is a very hard,confusing case.She consulted other professionals and I am sure she doubted her abilities to treat my daughter.One her her doctors told me I could go to the ER of our local childrens hosp. for an eval but I don't know if that will be worth it,wont they just refer me to where I have an appointment on Wednesday?I'm not sure,they are voted the best in the country. This is a prime example of how there is no such thing as a "little/minor" abuse.My daughter did not endure nearly as much as some others have but she is suffering greatly.It helps to talk here, because you guys know how I feel and are not shocked by anything.I thank you all for listening because I am sure to write much more.
Naive1
Naive1
Hugs and love to you. Pushing it all down is exactly what you have to do -- no time for distractions when you're in crisis mode. That's what flashbacks are for! (Sorry, a little black humor, cause, hey, in these situations if it weren't for black humor there'd be no humor at all!!) If you are at the best hospital in the country for this, stick with it.

I hear you about the psych being "stumped." My daughter's 5 psychs over the years would say, "X is a very complicated case," and none of them guessed at sexual abuse. It's shocking. And no, I did not leave her at that psych ward with the men (she was a young woman at that point, but still!!). Even if had been perfectly safe, it wouldn't FEEL safe, and with trauma, that's 100% the same thing.