I can't imagine what you must be going thru. It has been 20 months since I saw my son (the perp) or heard his voice. We have only communicated very little thru email or text and that has also been months ago. I am still not ready and don't know if I ever will be. I don't see reunification for our family ever, nobody wants it.

Our son also wanted a session where he could apologize to my husband and I and neither of us wanted one. Our daughter had one with him a year ago and it didn't help her; it made things worse. We didn't want her to do it but she is an adult and made the decision on her own but did regret it later.

I don't know why some counselors push for reunification. There is so much damage with something like this. Not to mention the chance that this child could reoffend your children again. I don't care what the counselors say! Please remember that you do still have a choice. And if you don't want reunification then you don't have to have do it. Even if he were your biological son you wouldn't have to do it.

My thoughts and prayers are with you today and every day. Please feel free to message me if you need extra support. No parent or child should ever have to face the perp unless it is something they personally want. I am so sorry that you felt you had to do this. And it is ok if you got there and just couldn't go thru with it. I know that I wouldn't be able to.

A big hug, Laura

Hi devastated,
I can relate with your feelings and wish you strength in getting through this. Reunification is expected to happen in our case too, I will be letting everyone know at our next discovery meeting that it is not something I think would benefit my girls. My now five yr old is doing sooooo well and it has been a year of safety for both of them. I am not willing to take the chance in her loosing everything we've overcome and moved forward on. I also can relate with the perp therapy trumping the victims. I agree that it is about having "recovery" for the perp. It's so frustrating sometimes. Good luck with the meeting and think about a way to tell him how you feel without attacking him, simply because they will stop the session if your too harsh and you need to get this stuff off your chest
Hugz

Well its over and I made it through. Thank you for the support. He said his peace and I said nothing. I couldn't. The counselor did thank me for participating and told me he knew it must be hard on me. I told him I was only there because I have no other choice. It is either this or tearing my family apart. I think what makes this so hard is that I feel alone. My husband drove seperate with step son and now they are off to a ball game. I just have to go back to my daily life while my husband is there for the perp. Maybe I'm being selfish but I wish just once he would realize that I need someone to talk to. Someone to just listen to my feelings without getting upset. Maybe this is why I'm so bitter and angry towards step son. Maybe I am jealous. Oh well.

That is not fair! I am so tired of these perps getting away with almost murder!!!!! I don't care how old he is. Shame on your husband for putting this child first. How will he ever learn that what he did was so incredibly wrong and sick unless people stop catering to him?!

I am sorry that you must suffer this way. You are not jealous, you are angry and hurt and have a right to be! This isn't right and on some level your husband must know this. You and your sons' needs are not being considered as they should be. I would suggest a counselor who will truly put you and your sons first.

I remember feeling afraid about my family being ripped apart. We weren't because we knew we had to side with our daughter, the victim. Had we found out about this when it happened when my son was only 12 I know that he would have gone to juvenile jail and then to live with his bio-mom. I had 3 little girls and there is no way he could have lived with us again. You have younger sons who need to be protected , not to mention that after something like this the TRUST IS JUST GONE!

Please find yourself a counselor who will listen to you and put your feelings first. What has happened to you and your boys is not right and now you are being victimized all over again by the very professionals who are suppose to help and protect you. SHAME ON THEM!!!!!

Please remember that you can always come here and we will listen to how you feel and support you anytime.

Hang in there, Laura

I wish you more than luck...I wish you find peace and a way to move forward. I found myself when faced with the perp even more repulsed. I was shaking and could not speak..it was so emotionally draining...but it was over...you have a whole lot more going on inside as the perp is an adolescent but to be honest....for me only...my hatred would reach further as it is not your son and you accepted himas yours but honestly...just feel whatever helps you make it through this awful process...being honest with yourself will eventually help you find some peace. My best to you and let us know how it goes.

I am so very sorry that you have to be put in this position!!! I am with warrior mama, it is appalling and wrong that this counselor calls her self professional and claims to want to help... I wish that they could have a little perspective from the eyes of a child victim... A child victim does not need reunification, they need healin and protection far away from the abuser!!! It is total revicimization of you and your sons...!!! I am so very sorry that your husband has chosen to act this way!!! I would be furious and heartbroken all at once!!! You have evey right to evey emotion that gurgles up to the surface... Let them come, feel your feelings and accept them for they indicate that you are a normal human being who has true emotions!!! Honor your feelings and speak your truth to your husband and who ever else stands in your and your sons way to peace happiness and well being!!! God bless you!!! My prayers are with you that you may find your voice of courage and truth! Also remember that bravery is not the lack of fear, it is the most intense of fears that you confront and walk through and
suddenly find yourself safe on the other side...

I agree with the other posts - and I think your feelings are completely justified. You are being placed in a horrible position, and it's awful that your husband can't see that he is sending a clear message by taking stepson to a ball game, as if he needs to be rewarded for "apologizing"!

I don't understand how reunification is supposed to help the victims. If you wanted an apology, then I could see having stepson do it, but this just seems like the focus is on the perp's needs, and not yours or your sons' needs. Your sons' counselor should be looking out for their well-being, not a goal like reunification or even an apology. I hope your sons don't feel like they have to accept any apology, because they don't.

I wish you strength to get through this, and I hope your husband can get a better perspective in this awful situation.

Sending hugs and support -
Janice

I am so sorry. You have completely valid feelings.
I pray for you, your children that you continue upon the path of healing. And that your husband joins you on that path.