There is no rule that says a man can't cry. ;) We've all been there...let it out. <3

It will be like a man running away from a lion
only to meet a bear.
He enters his house and rests his hand on a wall
only to be bitten by a snake.
It will be dark, not light.
It will be very black.
There won’t be a ray of sunlight anywhere.

We didn't all hold it together either, we all fell apart. Every one of your kids has been directly involved, all are damaged, the boys perhaps even more than the girls. How could you be OK? Allow yourself to not be OK. Lean on whatever support people you have, keep coming here as much as you want.

That sounds about right for 9 months in. Or 12 months. For me, there was no reprieve, no escape for a very long time.

BOOM is right -- this is a an explosion of the nuclear family. Everything changes:

• the past you thought you had,
• the present mess -- legally, emotionally, financially -- and the fundamental shift in once-warm relationships you worked so hard to develop
• worries about the future that would have seemed unthinkable before disclosure,


It's so destructive, how could you NOT cry?

I'm sorry you're having to struggle to find shelter for your own children. I hope this minister and his wife can set workable boundaries for your sons.

Have you or your wife gotten any medical help as far as anti-anxiety or anti-depressants? Sorry if it's been mentioned and I forgot. They can both be lifesavers, literally. If you had undergone a physical trauma no one would expect you to recover without painkillers. Getting some help to keep your brain semi-functional as you go through the mental equivalent of multiple major surgeries is not only understandable but can help you function well enough to do what you need to do to stay in the game for your kids sake and your marriage's sake.

When I really felt like I was starting to lose it after a particularly big blow, I canceled all my plans for the coming weekend, went to urgent care and got an antianxiety so I could at least sleep, begged my mom to come visit (it was actually my birthday, the furthest from a happy birthday I could imagine), ended up taking a nap curled up next to my mom like a little baby. I didn't use the antianxiety much (a non-addictive one that took effect pretty quickly) but it helped to know it was there if I needed it. Many months later I realized I needed an antidepressant, if not for my own sake then to keep me from dragging down the rest of the family. It has helped me get back to a place where I can see things more realistically and have enough energy and brainpower to follow through on what I need to and have a more clear mind for problem-solving, as well as starting to feel pleasure again when good things actually do happen.

"Many months later I realized I needed an antidepressant, if not for my own sake then to keep me from dragging down the rest of the family. It has helped me get back to a place where I can see things more realistically and have enough energy and brainpower to follow through on what I need to and have a more clear mind for problem-solving, as well as starting to feel pleasure again when good things actually do happen."

I could have written the same paragraph, brknhrt. Thank you.

My wife and I have experienced about every emotion known, plus a few I didn't realize existed. I go from feeling good about the situation, to having a panic attack. I wake up in the middle of the night not able to catch my breath. My wife gets the shakes for no reason.

Plus dealing with our boys who don't seem to take things seriously. The oldest one does, as he is going through the adult system while the other two are staying in the juvi court, but their facing some real serious charges.

We're a mess.

Sometimes it looked from the outside like my son wasn't taking things seriously. I found out later it was hitting him really hard on the inside but he was putting on a show on the outside. The sudden changes in emotions are something I experienced too, for a long time. One minute thinking I'm OK, I've got this, the next minute barely able to stand up.

It sounds like anxiety is the big thing for you guys now. I know it was for me for the first year, only after the legal situation died down could I switch to processing the grief. If you need an anti-anxiety medication just to be able to function in life while you do through this, then go for it, both of you.

Hi, I know you posted this a couple of months ago, but I thought I would reply anyway. I thought I had a practically perfect life until the end of July when my daughter told me what my husband was up to while we slept. I have had friends ask me how I did not kill him on the spot or castrate him, BUT all I could do was cry. After 3 months of tears, I think I am all cried out. Hopefully, the divorce will be finalized soon, he has been indicted and he is now in the plea bargain phase. My daughter is in therapy and we are on the LONG ROAD to recovery. I personally don't use medication for anxiety or depression. The vitamin B STRESS COMPLEX is very good for anxiety and stress. Your body is totally stressed out and you are burning B like crazy. Get a bottle of B at a good health food store, not the cheap stuff at Walmart, and start taking it daily. The thing that has really kept me going is my relationship with Jesus Christ. He has been carrying me in his arms the whole time. I also have several close friends and relatives that are there for emotional support, they pray for us daily and check in on us constantly. Here in Texas, we are entitled to free therapy for life, perhaps it is the same in your state. It is not based on your financial situation at all, Cry away, it is PERFECTLY OKAY, and a great way to relieve stress. There have been days that I have gone into my master bedroom, shut the door, gone into the master bathroom, shut the door, and then into the master bedroom closet beyond, and closed that door too, so that my daughter would not freak out to see her mother totally lose it. I laid on the floor of the master bedroom closet and cried and screamed to get it off my chest. Perhaps for you, a nice walk in the woods somewhere, with a box of kleenex and a plastic bag for the used tissues, would be good. Get it out of your system. You might need to do this several times. Find a good friend, brother, etc that will listen. Take it one day at a time, any more is going to totally overwhelm you. God bless you and your family.