You know, it's highly possible that she truly doesn't remember. Or, she doesn't think that what happened to her qualifies as abuse, but it's still affecting her.
I know that I have vague memories of a molestation incident that happened to me when I was playing with some older girls, but I was very young. I never said anything about it to anyone because I was never 100% sure it was real, but I finally admitted/accepted it in therapy when I was an adult. The therapist told me that based on my behaviors there very well could have been other incidents that I had blocked out, but I really don't want to know and I was probably so young at the time that I'd never be able to trust any memories that did surface. I also think that it's even more possible that there were no blocked out events and I'm just overly-sensitive.
Not to make this about me and I know everyone is different, but just to give another set of examples: I've never been sexually assaulted in a way that would be universally recognized as such. But, I was bullied and sexually harassed throughout my childhood and teen year. Combined with the fact that I have a genetic predisposition to anxiety and depression and I had taken to heart the prudish, self-depreciative teachings of my Catholic School --- it all combined to make a pretty big impression on me, despite never having much of an incident that I felt would be worth a big, official disclosure.
So, your daughter may not be holding out on you out of a desire to remain a victim or wallow in self-pity. That said, I can totally imagine how frustrated you must be feeling. I know I wish my daughter would talk more freely to the therapist about her molestation, even though I know logically that she's not old enough to do so effectively.

Jhenia, welcome. You're going through something very baffling and disturbing -- and you've come to the right place for support.

First, I'd advise you to visit www.mosac.net for an amazingly thorough inventory of symptoms of abuse, reactions you can expect as a mother, legal issues, etc.

Then I'd say...listen to your daughter, and prepare to believe whatever she may tell you as this "dream" becomes clearer to her. Being believed is the biggest obstacle your daughter faces as this difficult process of disclosure unfurls, and your willingness to accept whatever she may say as fact (however heartbreaking it will be for you to hear it) is the firm foundation she needs to go forward and begin to heal.

Five-year-olds don't have spontaneous dreams about sexual abuse. What your daughter is remembering now, she has suppressed for most of her life, and it is finally burning its painful way back into her consciousness. Disclosure probably never happens all at once. It's not an event but a process, and it can be incredibly slow. In contrast with your suspicion, it's fair to presume that, in fact, your daughter doesn't want to stay a victim or to deceive the therapist -- in fact, at this point it's just too painful and terrifying to accept that she has actually BEEN a victim. Now, she's hoping that it will all go away if she just stays silent. After all, this has been the way she has survived for the past nine years. It's not comfortable -- the cutting is a form of pain relief -- but it feels safer. Please give her the space and time she needs to continue the process of disclosure.

My daughter began having difficulty sleeping when she was 8. Small fears and anxieties began to crop up during the day. She had occasional crying jags, and when I finally realized that she wasn't just being dramatic when she told me she wanted to die, I got her to a therapist. That one didn't help much, so we tried someone else. And someone else, and, later, someone else, and different medications, too, all over the course of the next 15 years. By that time, she was living in an apartment in another town. It wasn't until ten months AFTER she had admitted that she had become addicted to opiates (I didn't even know she had ever taken drugs) and AFTER a near-fatal car crash, that she finally told me how she had been raped by an adult neighbor in our previous hometown when she was eight. And despite all of those years of hired help, I was the first person she told. THAT is how difficult disclosure can be.

My daughter had endless opportunities to open up in therapy, but she never did. In fact, when one of her child psychologists asked ME if my daughter had ever been sexually abused, of course I said no, because she had never said a word about it, so I never suspected it. I remain flabbergasted that therapists assume parents will know if their children have been sexually abused. The fact that your daughter has chosen to tell you "only" nine years later means two things: 1.) she trusts you with this deeply personal information more than she trusts the therapists -- she wants YOU to know, and 2.) you have a real chance to prevent any further self-destructive behavior (such as drugs) because your daughter is still too young to move away and hide her self-punishment from you. You have some say over with whom she hangs out and until how late, etc., and you have knowledge of her abuse so you know what dangers she is more likely to face. We can discuss this more another time -- I don't mean to add to your panic, only to let you know that it is likely that you can avoid a lot of the pain our whole family has suffered as a result of my daughter's early victimization and late disclosure.

For now, I need to go to sleep. Two quick notes, though: a.) my daughter has come a very long way in the 3.5 years since disclosure -- no more drugs, etc. Also, b.) keep writing -- it helps!

Many hugs!!

Thank you for your responses. I know I am in for a long haul. It is such a helpless feeling. I can't imagine how my little girl feels.

I was molested when I was 5... I had forgotten about the abuse, yet I was violent against myself..
the memories of being molested came flooded back when I was dealing with getting raped and getting beat up.
I can tell you all sorts of details about getting molested... except one important detail... who did it. I can tell you who was standing nearby, where on the property, what day of the week it was, the year... all sorts of details... except one... who molested me.
I have no idea.
I have had dreams about getting molested, and even in the dreams, I wake up when I'm about to see who it is..
honestly, I'm not sure I want to know anymore.. not sure what good it would do. I would rather deal with the abuse than the 'whos'.

Hang in there... your doing what you're suppose to do.. be there for her.. she's scared of the outcome.. sadly self harm is normal..
I ranged from climbing things (trees, ropes, vines) I climbed them with only my arms.. it hurt so much more than if I used my legs.
I hit myself with the belt.. if someone wasn't happy, I had to be my fault. It didn't matter who the person was, if I smiled at a total stranger and they didn't smile back, it was my fault they didn't smile.

You're not alone... and neither is she.

Notalone00

Notalone00, I'm sorry you learned to hate yourself. I'm not an expert, but it seems, from what I've read, that that's a signature feature of PTSD among those who have been sexually abused. It was certainly true for my daughter (who turned to drugs for relief -- but drugs are actually a slow suicide). She also took every negative reaction personally -- she used to think and say all the time that everybody else was mad at her. I hope you're now taking time to see yourself lovingly for the loving support you give.

You reminded me of something. When my daughter first disclosed, she said it was the rapist's son, who was a year younger than she was. It took another four months before she told me it was the adult neighbor. I think she knew it was the adult, but it was still too strong a memory for her to bear, or to share, so she remembered the abuse as being by the son (who was also abused in front of her).