Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
It has only been 10 months since disclosure but I am exhausted. We have been dealing with problems with my daughter since 2011, not aware of the abuse. I have fought with the school for just as long. I have had to leave my job, never thought I would miss working but I do. I am just tired, mentally and physically. I know it is a horrible thing to say but I am tired of my daughters mopey attitude and sick of her telling me she is sad. It is draining and I feel horrible just thinking that. I know she cant help it, it is the depression but still, its draining. It is taking so long to get help. Our psychitrist appointment is next Tuesday,and who knows how that will go. My daughter is very difficult,everything is a fight with her. Doesnt want to go to the store,doesnt want to help out, doesnt want to do anything. Now she is done with school and I have her home all day.She has never been the camp type and besides in her state of mind I couldnt send her anyway.I worry about her all day,everyday,I have locked up all meds,sharps and cant find anything. I went to shave my legs on Sunday and it took me 20 minutes to remember where I put the razors.I keep joking with daughter that I have early alzheimers because I am forgetting things, even the names of things,you know, table,scissors,ect.My brain is now officially full and cant hold anymore. I can see her out of the corner of my eye sometimes watching me to make sure I am not crying,it causes her so much distress to see me upset.She thinks it is her fault,so I need to stay strong but I dont feel like it.I am sure all of you feel/felt like this.My husband is working 10 to 12 hour days,goes out of town for work and on his days off does side work,(he is an auto mechanic)he is stressed too.I told someone rhe other day what was going on with daughter and her response was what I feared, no response.I only told her because it was necessary.I am just tired.
I think adrenaline gets us through a lot of this at first -- we are ready to fight for our kids, to take on anyone who would hurt them, and to try to create a circle of safety around them. And then we realize that they are getting ever more complex with age -- they are neither purely a wounded victim nor a heroic survivor. Adrenaline doesn't get us through subtle stuff like this. This takes yet more acceptance. It takes at least a touch of detachment, and even a sense of humor, even if it's only dark humor (which is sometimes best kept to ourselves!). We can't control these little (or medium-sized) people. We CAN control our reactions -- and that's about it. That's why I like the focus of a program such as the one Bandmom mentioned. It gives us a new approach when the old panic and protect modes stop working.
Hang in there. Try to get some extra sleep -- an over-the-counter med like Z-Quil or Advil PM once a week can help if your husband can be there in the morning. Avoid Xanax and other potentially addictive sedatives. Meditation can help from day to day. Google Belleruth Naparstek and have a look at the guided meditation MP3s she offers. She has good help for sleep and relaxation that will allow you to feel at least a few moments of balance during the day. When your body begins to remember what calm feels like, that's something you can build on.