Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
Well, I guess I was already done, but a nasty exchange between my sister and I, and an apology and partial confession from our perp have sent me over the edge. The blinders are on, the denial is strong and I am done. She is so acting like her son is the victim in this. I calmly explained that the things that my daughter has disclosed to me were things she would never have any experience with - and his admission was not but a tiny fraction of what she has disclosed - and "he promises" that is all that happened and that it happened months before she disclosed. BOY, my daughter is adamant that she is telling the truth (and I continue to tell her I believe her), and continues to tell me the same information about what happened without her story changing (and was happening up until the time of disclosure). I told my mom today that if my sister is looking for me to be the bad guy - I will take it - I will take the responsibility of tearing our family apart because I will no longer have any contact with her. She is so certain that her son is telling the truth and it is not my job to change her mind. My anger has hit. I am giving it one year, and if one year from now if she has not moved or put their house on the market, I will put my house up for sale and we will figure out somewhere else to go to escape this hell that we are living in. She had the nerve to say the "they" (meaning her therapist) said that our daughter would forget what has happened if we would just drop it - I responded that considering "they" have no idea what my daughter has been through, and "they" are only hearing one side of the story "they" have no right to determine what my daughter will and won't remember - and that we would kindly take the advice of our therapist who knows what my daughter has gone through. She also had the nerve to say "why would you care about the hell that DCS is putting us through, they have offered to pay your for your part in this" - REALLY! My daughter will get a whopping $1500 dollars when she turns 18 for her pain and suffering - wow, DCS is really compensating us for "the part" that we are playing. I have to accept that I can't force people to see what they are unwilling to see. The story is so much more than that - but I could take up an hour venting!
cathymathy
Take her to civil court if you feel justice was not.served. The truth sets us free. It was a tough journey but my perpdeserves a far more harsher sentence....the pocketbook.by far made a larger impact on him and qe persevered...just to prove his guilt.
mobley4100
@cathymathy - I have no desire to purse anything else, I simply want them out of our lives. The state is actually suing them for expenses related to my daughter's therapy - and they are trying to fight it (from what we have been told by the perps father) - so their pocketbook is being squeezed (but they have a big pocketbook, so I don't feel sorry for them). This whole exchange started because I had posted some education and information on facebook referencing the Dugger situation - and she took it as a personal attack and stated that it "made her son more depressed" - and did we think people weren't educated on this problem. WELL, I was educated, and was aware, and I still let my guard down and this happened to my daughter - so YES, I think the public needs MUCH MORE education on this!! Since day 1 she has played the victim - poor, me - the state is making my life hell. I have stated all that I am going to and will no longer have any contact with this family. Life sucks sometimes, but we will get through this and walk tall and proud knowing that we protected our daughter as best as we were able!
HoytJP
Sometimes it's easier to just let it go, get them out of your life than it is to continue the vicious cycle of endless arguing. Some things absence will only heal. Find your peace, Find your daughters peace & get these people out of your life. I haven't seen/nor talked w/my parents in law in over 3 years because they defended their son (my bro-in-law) over my daughter. They are no longer a part of my life. I am 100% fine w/that.
heartsadx3
Sorry you are going through this. Let them go it hurts but not as much as keeping the insanity that they want to live. I wish my family would have reacted in support for my daughter but they did not and because of that I can't welcome them into our lives.
mobley4100
I agree 100% with everything said above, and knew all along that would be the outcome of this awful situation. I am trying to help comfort my mother in all of this and my heart breaks more for her - but thankfully understands the situation and supports us. Having them live so close to us makes it harder, but time will hopefully change that too. There will be no more contact and no more arguing - it is not healthy, nor productive for me, my daughter and our family. Thanks everyone for the support - we are all in this together - not that any of us would choose this group.
Naive1
I'm sorry for the breakup of your families. My daughter's perpetrator was an unrelated neighbor, and as much as I hate and can never forgive that Nazi, I'm glad that my daughter has the full support of all in my family who know about what happened to her as a child. He promised to destroy our family. He has not. The perpetrators in your situations have won the sympathy of others in your families only because denial allows it.
heartsadx3
This is how I felt. I know the truth...nothing that anyone says or does will take one ounce of that horrific truth away...nor can it remove one tiny bit of the pain my daughter suffered. I can not stand by and let someone dismiss or discount my daughter like that after everything she's endured she deserves so much more. It takes everything in me to help her through this every ounce of support I have to focus on helping her heal. I don't even have the time to help someone else come to terms with what I am dealing with especially as they resist it at every turn. I don't have the energy to convince someone who won't be convincenced and will never be for me. I'm not going to live angry, resentful, frustrated and offended over what I can't change. I decided to refuse the offense. I took all that energy and focused on what mattered. Now do you think ANYONE down the road would blame me? I told them each how I felt and that I refused to the offense. I didn't attack them I just stated the facts and said I can't be in contact with you right now I needed to focus on my daughter with the support of those that 100 percent were on our side and believed my daughter period. They may be people that have blood relation but it doesn't mean that they have anything more to offer beyond that or that they are people of moral excellence.
shattered14
I'm sorry to hear about your family situation. My brother-in-law was my son's perpetrator and my mom was angry at me for telling the police. her words were " you should just keep it in the family". WTH!!! No I didn't listen and pressed charges. Took my kids away with no money , we lived in an extended stay hotel for 2 months. My sister and I did not speak to each other for 5 years.we just started bridging the gap a couple months ago.. Pls fight for your kid, don't let her think that it's ok just because the person who did it to her is family. Stay away from them . Family is important to me but if it causes this much drama and stress, you have to let go and take care of yourself and your child.you are better off without them
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