Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group

This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !

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/ Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Support Group

I'm in a new kind of funk....

woulddoitagain
woulddoitagain
OK, so after four years I thought I had dealt with every emotion possible....
.
My mother in law is in a nursing home and was sad that she didn't have any pictures of her deceased sister. My husband and I went through all the old pictures and made a scrapbook for her with pictures of her parents, siblings, aunts, uncles...(you get the picture). You should have seen how excited she was going through them and reminiscing about all the good times. So there I was with tears in my eyes because she was so happy about something so small and I start to wonder in 30 or 40 years what kind of reminiscing will I be doing.

Since I am estranged from my mother and sister over my sons abuse I don't have any childhood pictures. At this point I don't think I want any, but who knows how I will feel in my last years of life. I always felt like I had the warm fuzzy family growing up, but when the family you've always loved, trusted and counted on to always be there for you turns their nose up and walks away you start to look back and wonder if they were ever really who you thought they were in the first place. Because they took the abusers side I feel like my relationship with my mom and sister was never really authentic in the first place, almost like an entire relationship was erased and never existed.

So...this is a new area for me to ponder, define and start some more healing, As my wise son stated once, "I'm not going to think of my Aunt as the delusional person she is now, I'm going to think of her as the loving Aunt she used to be." My children are my HERO's. They thank my husband and I for helping them through this, but I think they have helped us just as much if not more.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think when you are reminiscing in many years it will still stand out just as strongly that you did your children justice. I hope that that can carry you through. I tend to agree with you that if something as awful as this happened and they turned their backs on you, how thick were the ties? It's all of our sad fates in one way or another but I would do it all over again, lose those people all over again and make the same decisions all over again because my children will always come before anyone, even God.
mommaKL
mommaKL
That was a very thoughtful thing you did for her. I bet she cherishing that.
I am working on a photo book for my father right now. I hope he loves it as mucha s she loves yours.
So sorry for what your family has done. Hugs.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Its awkward how family reacts, my family says they support me, but also being from OC, CA---its tough with all the judgemental people here. They support me in silenced dark closeted rooms where no-one needs to know family secrets....its painful...and upsetting. I dont think they realize how much of a lack of support it can really feel like. I also dont think people generally can relate to such heartache that a mother or father goes through when having to deal with their very own child being abused. Its so easy window shopping and walking by.....but when you are the victim and the parent of the victim--there are no words to describe the pain and the hurt...
woulddoitagain
woulddoitagain
Yes chaoticsympony...hence my screen name woulddoitagain. I too would do it all over again. I've never once looked back at my decision and never once regretted it. If I had to do it all over again I don't think I would change anything.
Bandmom5
Bandmom5
Would... I'm so sorry for this new "cove" a ripple has found from the stone thrown into your"lake." It's almost unbelievable to me sometimes what the unanticipated effects of this can be. But the facts are that you chose your children, and have the knowledge and ability to understand something others are going thru, to support them. Your family members did not make that choice. That's one thing I wish people could understand about this--most importantly how prevalent it is and how familiar the offenders are to us, but also that the choices made by family and friends will either further damage and drain the victim(s) and family, or will help them.That knowledge and understanding may make a difference in the choices they make. I hope you can work thru this just as you've worked thru so much already. You're in my thoughts and prayers. (((hugs)))
Seansmon
Seansmon
In your heart you know the answer already, You chose your child, you said you would again...you made the right decision the best decision a parent can. The fact that your family didn't make the right decision and stand by the victim, we can't chose for them, hopefully we can grow from that but at least know you have the support of those that do care.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Would....I swear you are inside my head and heart! I'm dealing with the same questions. Especially here at Christmas when I was always told that it is a time for family. But since the abuse I'm constantly reminded that I don't belong with "the family" anymore. It's caused me to question almost everything I was taught, every relationship I've had, and the sincerity of every conversation I've held. Who are these people that promised love and support when needed then turned their backs when it was needed most? Is there really such a thing as unconditional love? How do you proceed when the world as you've known it comes crashing around your feet? The same way we've been doing it. We just take a deep breath and keep trudging. We make every point we can to SHOW our children the type of love we were TOLD about. We put it all about them. And we know that we can look back and say "If I had to, I'd do it again." .

"Courage is to do what your heart tells you is right, despite your fears. Being a good parent means being courageous...every minute of every day, for the rest of your life." You are courageous and no matter how weak you feel, this has made you stronger. I pray that you see the strength....that we all see the strength in ourselves. That we find the courage to keep facing our fears. That our kids know the unconditional love we have for them.