First of all gentle support for what you are going through. You have every right to your feelings and wanting punishment for the perp. That is normal and completely understandable. It is very hard to accept that justice is often not served and that evil exists unpunished all around the world. I am a believer and have had to accept that this may be the case for us as well and that final judgement will come at the end of his life.

I do know for my own mental health and to focus on my daughter I had to detach from the perp and supporting family. You are not responsible for the perps treatment or punishment and consequences outside what is your legal right which for most of us reporting the crime and sometimes filing a civilsuit.

Focus on yourself, focus on your daughter and the positive things that are in your life. Let go of the negative, mil, sil. Set boundaries around what you take in and allow. You will feel freer and more empowered. Blessings.

I have to agree with hearsadx3 - as much as you love your SIL, I fear she will not push for the treatment that the abuser needs, and you will find yourself disappointed. Heart is right that your focus must be on your daughter and keeping her safe, and you continuing to have a relationship with the perps mother may upset her even if she doesn't tell you. I know that few times my husband has met with our perps father - my daughter did not understand why we can't see the family, but daddy can see the uncle. Just something else to think about. ((((HUGS)))) time does make this better, and you will find your peace at some point.

Well spoke to sister in law and it seems she got the date wrong for her sons counseling, it is Sept 29 not today WTF, I don't know whether or not I believe her. I am just so frustrated.I know sometimes it takes awhile to get in but 2 months?And I know she did not let them know why he needs counseling because she told me she told the Dr. he was depressed. Is 2 months wait the norm?

I don't know that it is the norm, but certainly not impossible. I know here where I am, depending on the patient it can take that long. Do you think she will be honest with you about how it goes? I just fear that you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Not telling the doctor what the issue is would be the first sign that she isn't taking this seriously, and if she told the real reason they may get him in sooner. Just remember that the only person/actions you can control in this situation is you - you can't make her take this seriously, you can't make the abuser admit it was an issue, you can't make your MIL believe this is a problem - control what you can control and let the rest go. I know you want vindication - but a therapist is not going to give him a hard time and make his life miserable - if he did, he wouldn't come back. He isn't being sent to mandated counseling, they are doing this voluntarily. I just worry that you are expecting and hoping for much more than is going to happen - and you are going to be disappointed. Expect nothing, and if anything more than that happens you will be pleasantly surprised.

You are right, I am expecting, something,anything,thats all I have.everything you said is true and I know that in my mind but my heart is broken and I don't know what to do.I know my sister in law is scared for her son.She lost her husband 2 years ago and has been estranged from her family for years and has no one but her inlaws.I need to be at peace with this somehow,maybe its time to seek some counseling,What kind of world is this when a boy can fondle and hold his cousin in a room against her will and just go on with his life? I feel for you who have gone through worse,How do you get closure?

Bonnieboo
I'm going to be the friend here who tells you exactly what I think.
You are going to be sooooooooo let down.
About 96Percent ;-) of the time I see sides taken - no one switches back. A wise person said to me it's like trying to set the big fat genie back into the bottle. Once a persons mind is made up and sides taken, it's next to impossible to reverse it. In fact I'll take this one step further. If your MIL appears to have switched sides - she's faking it to you. You may get her to be more considerate or aware of your feelings and your daughters - but quite the opposite is more likely to occur - she may resent you all the more.
I battle in my mind all the time - what came first the chicken or the egg. Did enabling personalities who are comfortable around and alies to a perp create the monster perp, or did a deceptive manipulative perp make blubbering idiots out of people taking advantage of their denial. Either way, it's always this shocking revelation every time that perps got alies. Every time. Every time when its intrafamial there is a division in the family. It's soooooooooooo painful and traumatic.
Look at the Duggers - they didn't take their son seriously either nor their grandchildren. Look at him now - he's in rehab for porn addiction. The cure rate for porn addiction is just as likely as curing pedophilia.
What you need to do is exactly what the poster before said.
Stop hoping praying bargaining placing ultimatums on others to come around.
Grieve the losses.
Create new relationships with your new wisdom and new priorities.
Family is who acts like family.

Too bad your SIL didn't take her son's for more counseling after their father's death. Maybe the perp cousin has anger issues and control issues as a result of his father's death that were never addressed and now this is his expression of anger and achieving control.

Thank you for your honesty,I believe his father letting the boy watch suggestive TV/movies and making fun of women,inappropriate sex talk was not helpful, also leaving his playboy magazines where the boy could find them was neglect on his part,Can a grandparent have a relationship with both the perp and victim? I will make clear to her that his name will not come up,the thing is she knows it is true, he has admitted to it which is a big relief so there is no "not believing" I have not told my family yet,mostly because my mother is ill and I know this will really affect her, but know if they knew there would be no question of support.I appreciate the honest, candid responses here and how I can be supported even though we don't even know each other.Im sure there will be many posts from me since I am in denial about family support :) Feel free to set me straight!!!

I think it depends on the grandparent. My mother is able to have a relationship with both our perp and my daughter. But she is not someone who is manipulative or controlling and I don't want her to get in the middle and "choose sides" because for her there should be no sides. She has wonderfully supported us through this ordeal, and if any relationship has suffered it has been with my sister because of the way she has reacted to it. My mother is heartbroken that her family has been torn apart - but she understands and does not pressure us to try to form a relationship again. She understands this is how our family will be from now on and we continue to take steps to move forward. That being said, she doesn't say nasty things to us, she doesn't show favoritism, and she supports us. Yes, she still sees and loves our perp - but I don't expect her not to, he is her grandson too. So it all depends on how you can handle the situation and how she does - every situation is different.

I completely agree with 96 - move on, place boundaries and choose your family if your family is not supportive. I agree that you are going to continue to be disappointed and highly suggest counseling for yourself. None of us here are qualified to help you in a professional way - and while we are a great support system, we are no substitute for a qualified counselor who can help you through this awful situation.

Good luck, hang in there.