Welcome,I'm so sorry.No one knows why,it's unimaginable how a father could do this.I once asked a very experienced therapist this same question,no one knows why.But I choose to believe they are so mentally ill they can never be trusted.One thing we do know is a high percentage of offenders were abused themselves,which to me is even more confusing.Why would you hurt a child when you know that hurt yourself? All children feel guilty,like it was their fault.My daughter was abused by her cousin,my in-laws chose to support him so we cut them out of our lives,my daughter blamed herself for that for awhile.She believed if she didn't tell we would all be together,she was your daughter's age at that time.But I told her over and over that it was HIM that caused it,not her.I told her how brave she was and that she may have saved another child from being hurt.Over and over I told her,it finally sunk in.The best thing you can do is tell her it's not her fault and that you support and believe her.Its a long road to recovery but it will happen.Do you have a child advocate? If not get one,they can help navigate the system and have all kinds of resources.BTW I think everyone here blames themselves.Make sure you also see a therapist,it's a must to help support your daughter.You will go through many intense emotions and it's important to get help with them.There are many compassionate knowledgeable people here to help.Hugs!

Thank you so so much! My daughter and I are seeing therapist,we also have an advocate .
I remind my daughter that it’s not her fault and thank her for trusting me enough to tell me.
I don’t know how some parents believe the predator over their children.
After this happened my husbands family came out and told me that he was molested as a child. Something like that should have been told to me when we first starting dating

Yes,that should have been told to you.I want to warn you,not to scare you or put more stress on you,but there is a chance his family will stand behind him.I never thought my in-laws would hire the perp a lawyer.My daughter and her cousin( the abuser) are both their grand hildren.Since he had a lawyer and was a minor her didn't even have to talk to police! My mother in law even said she would move him out of the country to avoid prosecution.My mother in law would talk about him in front of my daughter all the time.Be careful they don't make her feel guilty.The detective in our case told me " remember that grandparents have no rights" It was like he knew what would happen.Just be sure they support your daughter completely.Im not saying they have to turn their backs on their son but they should never ever speak about him in front of your daughter.Gosh we are 3+ years past disclosure and it seems like a blur,there is so much to tell someone just starting this horrible journey.There will be good and bad days,there will be a new normal,you will find out things that you never thought you would have to know,for awhile you will live on auto pilot.Be kind to yourself and listen to your gut!

As a father , as a human i find this sick, but father thats your little baby. Theres defently a screw loss on him. Im so sorry you have to battle this on two fronts, angry for his actions and angry for that hes left you no choice but to end the marriage. Your daughter is going to need you strong. Best advice is dont give up, dont blame self and this one extremely hard dont talk about him in front of her. She may suffer from Stockholm syndrome which is they protect the other. As they may feel the gotta.protect to ever see them.

@hopefulmama
I’m so sorry!
that’s crazy for them to stick by these men even if they are family
My husbands family have completely turned their backs on him . His mom is deceased and he doesn’t have much contact with his family because of what his dad did to them.

@fettigshawn thank you? Trying make us not to talk about him with one of my kids brings anxiety and anger to all of my kids when I mention his name. I’ve been talking to close friends about any feelings I have. Hopefully my counselor calls me soon she has been on vacation

RayneScott, I'm glad you found this and other resources as you are beginning your journey. You are probably barely able to think this far ahead now, but it will be a long journey, long and hard, I won't lie. But you can do it, and for now you just have to take one step at a time, that's plenty. You won't do everything perfectly, none of us do. So get all the support you can--here is good, hopefully your family advocate and therapist are good, if they're not, find someone else until there's someone that's truly helpful. I hope you have some supportive friends and family. The resource I keep posting here that helped me the most is the Mothers of Sexually Abused Children website, mosac.net They also have a live chat with a counselor at certain times of day, a good backup when your counselor is busy or out of town (which certainly happened a lot with my daughter's counselor).

My son told me his dad was "playing with his place and then peeing in his face" when he was one month shy of 4 years old. He told me this almost daily once his dad was removed from the home. I went to child services instead of the police which I do not recommend. Because he was so young and used child words and sentences it was not substantiated. Fast forward to now and he is 10 years old and this is the 3rd summer that he has to live for a month in the summer in his dad's home. I feel so sad and sick at my stomach. This is so private and I feel so alone and helpless. My gut tells me he is still being abused and that he is protecting his dad, but he denies it.

I do not understand how a child would want to protect the person that is hurting him. Can anyone help me understand that and tell me what my role is to protect him now?

I need a face to face support group. I!ease let me know if anyone knows of any in the Atlanta area. I have not been able to find one.

I've hurried the hurt and pain and focused on survival and thriving in front of my son, but after 6 years of is still all so vivid and current and I feel stuck and alone. I didn't share my hurt and pain with my son so I could be strong for him, but now we are so hurt and just pretending that everything is ok when it isn't.