I'm sorry that you are hurting so much. You have every right to be angry, upset and furious. Please know you are not alone.

Xx

I felt the same way,my daughter's abuser was her cousin,a minor but 16 when she told us, she was 8 when it started and 12 when she told us.The thought of revenge consumed me daily. I spent my whole day researching revenge.My husband called the police in the state the perp lived in to see what he could legally do to out him.We were still speaking to that side of the family at the time and I did everything I could to ruin plans and make things difficult.My husband planned to see the perp when he turned 18 and beat the crap out of him,he was ready to go to jail for it.But eventually I realized this was consuming my every waking moment and if I wanted my daughter to heal I had to heal also.I still have revenge thoughts but I choose to push them out of my mind.I do believe it's a process and it's ok to feel like that,so don't feel bad and feel your feelings.

My heart goes out to you and heaven knows I have had revenge fantasies. But among other things that stopped me was the affect it would have on my beloved daughter. The last thing she needed was more drama. Get therapy. Get therapy. Get therapy. And know that there are a lot of us out here who have had the same thought.s

Just remember Revenge can work both ways. As wrong as it may be,
If you start seeking revenge, others may feel the need to seek revenge on you, and then it's a never ending cycle.
My husband's family are quite the piece of work and at one time we got caught up in that cycle, it's not pretty and not fun always looking over your shoulder.
They're the kind to retailiate with false accusations too, and wait years to do it.

ditto above.....I didn't wish my baby daddy dead, I wanted him tortured.....but we can only do that in our minds. My greatest comfort happened when I came here and discovered we are not alone in our rage, hatred, desperation and torment......The intensity lasts for years, til you're at breaking point (my health is permanently impaired now) but it recedes eventually......hold on for the long haul girl.....the women here will hold your hands through this terrible journey. xxx

Thank you so much
Xxoo

When my daughter was still using heroin, I spent a lot of time thinking how I'd destroy the adult neighbor who raped her repeatedly when she was 8-10 -- 23 years ago, now. The desire for vengeance would course through me daily, and it gave me a sense of hope and peace that somehow I could do something about this, that somehow I could control my daughter's and our family's pain after the fact.

After more than two years of my daughter's sobriety, she is focused on building a meaningful life for herself, including her first happy adult romance. That partnership is about to include my first grandchild, who will arrive in just over a month!

There is that saying, "Living well is the best revenge." I never understood what that meant until now. We could still take our daughter's case to trial -- but at this point I am not interested in disrupting her happiness. She deserves to be the same amount of happy as any new mother -- and not one bit more stressed. Likewise, our whole family is functional at last. I want to enjoy the joy.

I never, EVER, thought I would get to this emotional place. But it has happened. Like anything worth working for, we have all worked -- very, very hard -- for this moment. It took one step after another, five minutes at a time, and then one hour at a time, until it was 8 hours at a time, and then, eventually, a whole night's sleep, and so on.

Go ahead -- indulge in those fantasies, as they may be the only source of potential satisfaction and sense of control in the midst of your torment. But plant that seed, somewhere in the back of your mind, that there will eventually come a day when you will be free from that need to make someone else pay, and when instead you will want to make the most of your own riches, your own blessings. Please count among them the fact that you did nothing to deserve this, and so do not deserve to shoulder any guilt.

HUGS to you. I remember being where you are. We are sisters.

Thank you. So happy you are finding peace.
Xxoo