I don't know where you could turn other than a therapist. My daughter is a little older, and we just talk a lot about body safety, and I stress how she can't touch other kids, or let other kids touch her, even if she wants them to. It is awful that we have to provide additional education, and watch our kids more closely from what they go through. I will likely not let her play alone with children her age (and surely not older kids) because of what has happened and what she has been exposed to. While we have made it very clear that what happened was not acceptable, I can't chance it happening again, or happening by her being the initiator. I think most statistics say that most children who are sexually abused don't go on to abuse other children. When my daughter says inappropriate things, I let her know that is not appropriate. If she tries to touch herself when I am around, I kindly tell her that she can touch herself, but she will need to do it in private and not while I am there. I don't want to turn it into something shameful, because it is a normal experience, even for children. I think frequent education and reassurance is the best that we can do in the circumstances we are all in.

This has also been a huge concern of mine my daughter was just three when I found out. She does not talk about it at all or acknowledge it happened. But I have and will continue to educate as suggested above. One thing I've found for my daughter that although it is uncomfortable to address the behaviors if I see them when I speak up in a kind not shameful way she reacts surprisingly well and I even feel that speaking the boundary gives her comfort. For instance she will touch my chest or reach out to and I know it is curiosity but I will tell her right away that I don't like it and that is my private area. The thing is I am speaking a boundary that I want her to be able to speak for herself if anyone tries to touch her there. I'm not mean just matter of fact. She usually goes "oh" and carries on with whatever not bothered at all. But I know her little mind is processing it. The same with her siblings I set very firm and strict boundaries around privacy.

I notice more than anything acting out with her dolls or putting her dolls in sexual positions. It has been very hard to address even with help of therapist. Perhaps I need to incorporate some boundaries for the dolls. For starters though I have with her therapist set a boundary that the dolls must be dressed and if she is doing dress up she puts new clothes on the dolls but it isn't okay to leave them unclothed. This has helped and less naked barbies laying around too.

Just keep doing what you are doing if you get stuck get a counselors help or input.

mobley4100- I agree about being worried about play dates with other children. I've even found myself worrying when my daughter is playing with her younger brother. Does your daughter ask to have friends or cousins over for sleepovers? Before we found out, my daughter had sleepovers a lot with her cousins. Now I'm so scared about them. My daughter doesn't really play sexually that I have seen, other than she makes her toys kiss or hug each other and talk about dating. But, not sure how much of that is normal. Other kids her age do the same thing, but it worries me because I know she has more knowledge than she should.

heartsadx3-I have pretty much been doing what you are doing with your daughter. I do find it difficult to be having to talk about body safety so much and the difference between appropriate and inappropriate touching. It is so sad that these children have to have this extra knowledge at such young ages. I also wonder now, if what I've been talking to her about is having an impact on her. Before the disclosure, I had talked to her about body safety, even saying "don't let grandparents keep secrets". I used them as examples because I wanted her to see that I wanted her to tell me if someone was trying to hide things, even if it is a close family member. Well, now I see that it didn't work. She was going through these things with her half brother and never told.

rmbadger - she only sleeps over at her Nana's house. The week of disclosure she had spent the night for the first time at my sister's house (the perps house), and didn't want to go. We will not do sleepovers, I will reconsider this when she is older, but at this point, it will not be an option. My older son has sleepovers occasionally (he hasn't had one in a long time), and when he does, our rule will be that our daughter sleeps downstairs with us (they have the upstairs, and it is just the two bedrooms upstairs). We don't have any other cousins that we were close to other than the perp and his family, so there will be no family sleepovers, or sleepovers at all in her near future. My son doesn't even like sleepovers (at other people's houses). He has a field trip at a camp that was supposed to be a two night field trip - I will be taking him and picking him up because he doesn't want to sleep over with 50 other boys. Doesn't bother me one bit, and when I confided in the teacher, she bent over backward to accommodate us in our request. I don't want my kids to miss out on things, but I also will do my best NEVER to put my daughter back in the situation again. In the mean time, I will continue with frequent education.

heartsadx3 I also address it if my daughter tries to touch me in my "private areas". When we first started talking about this, she would try to reach between my legs (I think she was testing me), and would grab at my chest - and I would put my hand over the area and say "No, those are my private areas and you can't touch them". Same way you described - just matter of fact. I will sometimes say quietly, "hey, can I touch your tootie", and she will scream "NO" - and then I high five her and tell her good job!!! We also talk often about sneaky people, and NO ONE can ask you to touch your privates (of course we discuss appropriate times such as the doctor, and if mommy needs to check if she is hurt, or if she needs to be cleaned) and I try to do this weekly now to reinforce it. My daughter will only act out with her dolls if she is disclosing something to me, and doesn't do it while just playing, but sometimes when we lay down at night she will feel the need to tell me and sometimes will act out with her dolls - but only when it is her and I. She doesn't want anyone else to hear her or talk about it. As long as she feels comfortable talking to me - I feel like that is a success.

mobley4100- I think it is awesome that your daughter wants to talk to you about sometimes. Mine doesn't, and it constantly makes me question how she's feeling because she doesn't open up. I totally understand your reservations about sleepovers. My kids have only spent the night with grandparents and my daughter has twice with a cousin. We usually have sleepovers at our house anyway, which I have always preferred, but now I'm not sure if we will or not. The thing that kills me is that I have always been very overprotective about who my kids are around. I quit my job so that I could stay home so they wouldn't have to go to daycare. I about had a nervous breakdown when my daughter started school this year. The fact that this happened to MY child when I know so many parents who don't question half the things that I would question really upsets me. I never realized I needed to protect her in her own home from her half brother. I often blame myself because I should have paid more attention and I should have considered any possibilities because he has been raised primarily by his mother and in a less than ideal situation.

rmbadger, we too were very cognizant of the danger. My brother-in-law just served a 7 year prison sentence for child porn, and we talked about body safety often with my kids. As you are well aware now, as am I, it doesn't matter where they are, they are only safe when they are with you. All we can do is the best we can do. Honestly I feel more safe with her in a group after this, because she was targeted when she was alone. He daycare is awesome (My husband and I worked off shifts so we could be home until she was almost 3), and we have always been selective about who she stayed with. Don't blame yourself, we went through the same thing (should have checked on her when she was playing, should have listened when she told me she didn't want to go), but I am sure it is true in your case - you had no reason to suspect anything. For us, our offender was not predatory, he was very opportunistic. He knew that we would not come check when she was with him in the basement or in the playroom, so he knew he could get away with it. We NEVER saw him try to lure her into the play room, he would just wait until she was there and would go play with her for a few minutes (never a long period of time). We NEVER imagined we would be going through this - especially not with the family that it happened with - but that is why it happens, because you would never expect it. Don't beat yourself up, all you can do is move forward and do everything you can to protect your child from here on out. I tell my daughter "I promise this won't happen with (perp) again, but I can't promise no one else will try to hurt you, and you HAVE to tell me if someone does". The good thing now is that she knows that we will believe her, and hopefully won't be scared like she was the first time. Hang in there - and just be ready to listen if your daughter does decide to talk. I am so thankful that mine has, and I hope that her processing it now will enable her to deal with it easier in the future. We have the added issue of her being adopted, so she will have other issues about abandonment to deal with - but I hope that with our constant love and support, she will never question any of it.