Oh, boy. I'm so sorry about everything you've written. I couldn't imagine ever having sex again because it reminded me of my daughter's disclosure. It took...awhile, maybe a year? Longer? I may have explained this to my husband directly, or implied it indirectly.

Have you talked about this with your husband? He deserves to know that it's not him, it's you. And you deserve therapy to help you separate a traumatic situation from a loving, consensual one. EMDR might be of real value to you here, to relieve you of some of the PTSD you suffer as a result of this entire, awful nightmare for your daughter. You may want to consider seeing a marriage counselor as well, at first by yourself, and then together, with the counselor as a mediator to help you discuss your situation with your husband.


Please remember: your reaction is on a continuum of NORMAL reactions to horrific events. Dealing with trauma is a lifelong process that varies from one person to another in terms of manifestation, timing and intensity. It's not your fault. PTSD is treatable, and you deserve to find peace, None of this was your fault.

Yes, I too, hope that you will able to take to your husband soon about this. Three years is a long time. I have also had some difficulty in my own sexual life because memories come back to haunt me about the abuse our daughter experienced. When learning about these things, my first response was, "Castrate them all!" My dad is a vet and I grew up in rural America. But we can't transfer (associate) the blame on all men. Do what you can to work on your relationship. Maybe you could meet with a therapist for awhile and then ask your husband to join you. He must know that something is up. You should talk to him no matter how hard it may be for you.

My husband couldn't be intimate at ALL for a year...that was a long year in our marriage BUT what got us through was open communication. I encourage you too share with this precious man who obviously loves you...share with him what you're going through. If you don't feel strong enough to do it on your own, go to a couple's therapist, write it down & let him read it on front of the therapist. A good therapist will know how to help you both heal from this.

Personal therapy using EMDR will really help you, although it will be more difficult before it gets better!

Fight for your marriage if this is what you truly want! Don't let your daughter's father steal THIS from you also!