Welcome! A journal is a good thing. Writing is a powerful tool. I kept all letters and contact and emails but to use for litigation purposes. I am not sure if viewing them for any other reason now or in the future would be a wise choice,. As time progresses you will see that in moving forward you have to let go of certain things. That would be those that were and are harmful to a healthy future. But to each their own. I found them useful only as a resource. Kinda like a death you have to let go to move forward. But you will understand that in time. It will be the positive things that come out of this in the end that you will want to reflect on and utilize.
Keep posting and stay focused and positive. Peace within.

There are some thoughts and feelings that I don't believe anyone in my family would want to remember or revisit. That being said, it is important to remember how far we have come. My daughter was a cutter and has many big scars on her arms and legs. I wondered if I would ever be able to look them and not feel sick inside. Not because of the how they looked but because what they represented. My daughter is not bothered by them at all and considers them to be a part of a painful past and how she survived it.

My daughter wrote a lot of poetry. She is very talented and was published at the age of 16. It helped her to heal and to survive before she told any of us what had happened to her. Most of my writing was done here on this group. It helped me not feel so isolated.

As a family, we shredded all pictures of our son (he was my daughter's abuser) that we found offensive and took turns smashing things that he made that were in our home. This was a way to show our anger in a safe manner without actually hurting him. We all wrote letters to him and told him the damage that he had caused to our daughter and to us. This was incredibly therapeutic for us as a family.

We were always a very close family but since this has been disclosed we have become stronger and closer. Deciding as a family to support our daughter and each other was key in not only surviving but then also moving onto thriving as individuals and as a family unit.

You will find what heals you best. This is what worked for our family.

Laura

Hi - welcome to the group. Glad/sad you're here...
I have sometimes thought about keeping record of the things I have faced and the steps I have taken to protect my kids (they're 8 and under). So that when they're older and they question anything that they have the facts and history available to them if they choose. Plus it's good for legal reasons. It's prob also good to write it down n put it off you're mind bc u know you can find the info if you need it but don't have to remember it. Most likely I can see not wanting to ever look back on this stuff tho.
Writing things down helped me realize things I didn't see until I had it spelled out.
Bless you and yours!!!

Welcome, lusks1. So sorry you had a need to visit this page.

Like Laura (Warriormama) most of my writing has been right here. I really needed feedback on my thoughts -- I felt so desperate, scared, and sad that, for me, journaling would have been too lonely. After my daughter disclosed her abuse from over a decade earlier, I felt as if most of my life as a parent had been a joke and a lie -- I needed to know how I would live with myself, and whether there was any point to that. So, for me, I would be reluctant even to scroll back through my posts here to revisit the pain I felt then -- it was raw and awful, every nerve was frayed. I don't ever want to relive those feelings again. I believe I can make better use of my time by listening to others who are just at the beginning of this process, like you. I can say, "I know how you feel" without having to feel it all over again myself. Does that make sense?

If you feel you must hold on to documentation for later, please consider whether your children would really benefit from seeing it again. Sometimes what WE think will be best for their healing may not be. For example, I had thought that it would be very important for my daughter to recover all her memories and deal with them honestly, from the perspective of a survivor, to see how strong she is. I hadn't thought about how re-living her terror and shame could instead be detrimental to her nervous system and set her back. A therapist pointed this out to me. I would mention your idea to your children's therapist and ask her/his opinion. I'm sure there are different schools of thought about this, as with everything, and your children may react differently than mine.

As Laura suggests, it's the active support, in the present, that will probably make the most difference for your children -- helping them to learn how to be their authentic selves, and to create a new reality full of good memories.

It's great that you have found journalling to be so helpful. It really helps me to process things. Like others have said, I'm not sure that I would want to go back over what I have written, particularly with other people. I do use what I have written to share with my counsellor as I find it easier to write about issues than speak about them.

On occasion I have written notes to my daughters to encourage them in their healing journey. There is so much we want to leave behind. We have burnt things, torn things, thrown so much out, cried and screamed together and are now looking for a new house. We take the positives with us but leave the hurt and many memories as far behind us as we can. It is our son/brother we are talking about, so this is a huge part of our lives we are cutting out, but it's part of the healing. Will I ever be free from grief and pain - I don't know.

I'm not sure how valid any documentation would be in a court of law. My counsellor said that even their notes are not sufficient in a court of law, only statements given directly to the police and any medical evidence, which in our case was years too late.

I hope that you can find great encouragement, strength and hope from being here. Sorry that you needed to find this group.

Thank you all so much for your love and support. I am glad to have found you.

I have kept a bag with all the information from the court, plus my journals that I wrote I. Before and after disclosure... And all the art work and writting my daughter did... I also have lots of audio files I recoded
Of my daughter talking about the abuse... I am saving it all... Not intention of showing my daughter... But if she ever has questions about the abuse or if the subject ever comes up when she is a grown up(she is 7, was when she disclosed) then I will offer the stuff to her...

I have a childhood sexual abuse history, and I just think that I as a grown up would have liked to see that stuff, if my parents had protected me(they where the ones that abused me)

So I say, keep the stuff... Maybe one day your kids will want or need it... Im saving mine in storage deep in a box way in the back... So I don't have to look at it... But it's there if my daughter needs it... I don't know if she will surpress her memories or experiences... I just think that maybe one day she will
Need that stuff... And I will have it to show her...!!!

My daughter was 5 when she was assaulted... She is now 7

Thanks for your perspective loves mama. The value of keeping these reminders sounds like a case-by-case decision. I'm sure you keep that box well-protected. Lusks1, you'll want to be sure none of your documentation can find its way into the wrong hands -- daughter's friends, et al.

I have thought about this as well my daughter is three and I suspect she won't retain much memory of the events but as a survivor myself I value my history good and bad. When I went to counseling as as an adult I had to inventory my childhood and much of my memories were spotty or not there. I have come to thru this process began to suspect I to was abused at a young age though memories have not surfaced feelings have. Also my mom is pretty closed mouth about my history and mainly because she only wants us to see herself in a good light. Im sure if there was earlier abuse she would not disclose it. So for my family and my daughter i value truth and openness always about the good and bad. I keep a journal for each of my kids and intend to put this in there. This will be there for when they are grown or if something happens to me. Unfortunately children can often misinterpret events and this is a pretty huge one I want to be sure there is an accurate account for them. I dont plan on rehashing things as we move forward but I strongly believe even if memories dont stay their will be symptoms popping up as she grows because of it and being able to source the reasons is very valuable in treatment.