Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
Hello ,my daughter told me a couple weeks ago she was abused by her cousin, she was 9 he was 13. It happened 2 years ago. He trapped her in a bedroom and put his hand down her shirt,he tried to kiss her and when he tried to put his hand down her pants she yelled for his mother.She says he then opened the door and let her out, she also says after that when they saw each other he squeezed her butt when they hugged hello or goodbye.His mom is my sister in law and best friend, I told her and she told me he admitted to it. He told her he is sorry and was just curious.He was also suspended last year for sexual harassment of a girl at school, I don't know that whole story but I thing he grabbed her breast. My sister in law told me she made an appointment for him with a counselor, but I don't think she really did, Too long to explain why I feel this way.I have continued to have a relationship with her but will not if she does not follow thru.My head was realing when my daughter told me,and now I have a lot of questions. I have not talked about it again with her but she told me she forgave him long ago. I am having a really hard time with this. I an a very careful mom, I don't let her roam the neighborhood, she does not walk anywhere alone and she knows about stranger/danger.I know I am not to blame and I did everything right, but I just feel like I have failed her some how.What are the legal ramifications and do I ask my daughter what she wants to do. That is a lot of responsibility for an 11 year old but I don't want to give her more than she can handle.
To your question about whether to report this, you need to find out what the law is in your state. In NJ it doesn't matter what the ages are or if the victim and offender are minors, it is the law that anyone 18 years of age or older who knows or even suspects there is some kind of abuse going on must promptly report it and let the authorities investigate and determine if there are charges to be filed. The penalty for not reporting, or failure to report/ failure to protect is a misdemeanor, maximum penalty is $5000 in fine and 6 mos in jail (not prison) per count; this maximum is hardly ever given out in a sentence. However some states don't consider it a misdemeanor, but a low level felony with more severe penalties. So, it's important to know what your state law is. When it is between related minors, from all I've read here and elsewhere, there doesn't seem to be much that comes of it; it's more for the offender to get therapy, and the victim is then eligible to get free or reduced cost services thru the Victims of Crime Compensation Office in their state.
I hope this is helpful, keep coming here as much as you need to. We are Christians too; it was a long, painful road we walked before we got to the point of forgiveness. It helped that my sons' offender received a sentence, and we got therapy. It has to come in the right time, you can't force it. Some instances are so heinous, I don't know if we are expected to always be able to reach forgiveness. Anyway, know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers...