Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
Hello, I've been told recently by my 4 year old that her grandpa, who's really just her foster family that she was with for 3 years... but she disclosed to me 5 things over the course of like 2-4 days. Idk everything is foggy. And I went to police. Then the hospital. She's involved with the ministry (cps, cfs)... so our worker got involved and got to see my statements of me ugly crying. And just going over everything. And every time someone calls me to talk about it I spiral back down. I feel like shit. I feel like it's my fault because she would've never been there if I didn't go through abuse with an ex when she was 10 months. I sent her brother and her to this family for weekends she went biweekly and he went once a month. It was his second time away from me EVER. He's only 14 months. But they came home with outbreaks on her chin, and an outbreak on his, pardon my description, scro+um..... I got herpes myself from a rape when I was 19 and now I recognized it on my daughter. She told me so much at SUCH random times. I have not been ok. Everything feels weird and different. Km a survivor of CSA myself and I saw the signs and ignored them FOR ALMOST AN ENTIRE YEAR... there was so many signs and I was convincing myself I was crazy but she confirmed I wasn't and I'm kicking myself. I KNEW the signs I KNEW that's what it was but I thought no there's no way. They're working with the government they're the safe place for my kids to go. Turns out they were safer at home the whole time. They always have been but this system is against me due to so many things. I just. I'm so alone. I don't have any friends. No family. No one to reach out to. I just don't know what to do I'm so lost and I feel so guilty. I either want to eat everything and throw up or eat nothing at all right now its so awful.
My daughter was able to tell me some things but my son can't say what happened but he's been acting so weird
He literally has been getting mad at me for not letting him hump me while I'm laying down. He never used to do that! He's never been around d those influences so I can only imagine what happened and what was happening for how long at that house. Thankfully my son only went twice but my daughter was there for 3 YEARS. I'm not ok. I never ever ever thought it would be my kids. Me? Sure. My kids? No I can't even cope half the time right now. I'm doing my best and it just feels like my best is never enough
I do understand how you feel. It’s been 15 years now, and I still blame myself which is why I am so glad that I found this group. My daughter still is traumatized and watching her pain haunts me. I am realizing that I must forgive myself so I may model forgiveness for her, so she may forgive herself. It is hard, it is very hard. My daughter at the age of 5 was molested by my niece who was 6 years older than my daughter. This abuse went on for 6 years.
I didn’t see it, didn’t see any signs, I talked about being violated with my daughter, but I never talked about a family member doing it. My family is small, just me my sister and our children, and our mother. So, i never thought the danger was in “grandmas’ house.”
My husband and I separated when my daughter was 5, and I worked, so My daughter was with my family, my sister, or at my mom’s, when she was not with her father.
I paid my niece to watch my daughter. I loved my niece, she was like a daughter to me, and after my daughter told me (at age 12) because of my love for my Niece and my own shock, I allowed my niece in my home on two occasions within 2 months after she told me. . I never allowed her to be around my daughter or care for my daughter after my daughter disclosed, nor did my daughter ever go to my sister’s home or to my mother’s home after the disclosure, but I allowed her (my niece) in our home on two occasions, and it hurt my daughter drastically and in her words, how I responded affected her healing.
My daughter later told me that when I did that, it told her she could not trust me and that I wouldn’t protect her, and it caused her to feel as if I cared more about my niece comfort more than her. On those two occasions, I was cold and distant from my Neice and our relationship has not been the same, we stopped talking over 14 years ago, but the fact that I allowed her presence in the midst of our presence after my daughter disclosed what happened, she felts (my daughter) felt and feels I forsaken her. I never knew this until 10 years later. Immediately, I put my daughter in counseling, and she was and has been in and out of counseling for over 15 years, but she still struggles because as she has aged, she experiences triggers and see reminders, via songs, various types of foods, candies, names, etc, and as she got older and learned about dating sex intimacy, she struggled with the fact that the things that would be her first with a partner that she liked/loved intimately, had already happened to her with her abuser, so she still struggles, and have extreme boundaries to outsiders but necessary and protective for her, such as, she doesn’t allow hugs, in a small space no one else can enter, and no one can touch her not even a hand on her shoulder, she avoids the doctor at all cost because they have the listen to her heart. And as she ages, more things arise. And at this age, I can not force therapy, all I can do is continue to promote it, but she also blames me so I’m not able to have the conversations without her spewing what feels like “hate” my way. So she doesn’t talk with me at all, even though she lives with me. And I blame myself for our state, her state, and my own.
I have wished a many day that I could go back and make a different decision and I beat myself up over that decision daily. I understand , we can’t know then, what we know now, and we can’t beat ourselves up for what we didn’t know, but it is hard not too, even though there is no “right response” for being betrayed by someone you love or someone you didn’t know at all. More-so, there is no correct response for handling pain, but as a mother you just hope you would have enough wherewithal, to respond as the innate protector you believe you are.
That’s my struggle, thanks for sharing your experience and I hope for both of us, this platform leads us to forgiveness, self forgiveness, awareness, coping strategies and healing in our own lives, our children, and in our family.