Wait, what? The therapist was questioning that your child's abuser was actually a pedophile? Why, oh, why?

Do persist. You deserve to find compassionate care, and this person sounds like a real jerk who needs a touch of education....to say the least.

I didn't confront her in the session because I was so shocked......I messaged her days later and she responded, first not acknowledging what she had done, then saying sorry she was human and it just came out wrong........I don't find this an acceptable excuse, but much deeper than that........HOW CAN SHE HAVE BELIEVED ME...........my sense of isolation is being reinforced........I can't make sense of how a so called professional can have reacted in this way........I think I will take it up with the service when I feel stronger, but now I just feel desperately lonely, misunderstood and uncared for.

Actually, I am not totally alone in this...........I do have one friend whose teenage daughter was being sexually abused by her husband.......my friends psychotherapist thought it appropriate to discuss how provocative teenage girls can be ( you should have met this girl as a teenager....she was like a child without any sexual awareness at all) I think unless you are paying big money here in the uk, the services are so hit and miss it is quite frankly dangerous......both my friend and I actually felt worse after seeing so called professionals.

At least on this forum, you ARE believed and you are NOT alone. In fact, the amount of company we all have is staggering, but it's still taboo -- for some good reasons. Revealing in public what we, the parents, are going through, also reveals what our children have endured, and we must protect the only privacy they have left. So we expect that we will be treated appropriately by professionals!

It is remarkable how enlightenment works: most walk around in the dark unable to perceive an entire truth, while for others, the light is painfully bright. But it's an internal darkness or light, and too many of those to whom we must turn for help remain in darkness and cannot see what we already knew in a searing instant: that our innocent children have been hurt in ways we are not able to discuss publicly, and that we parents, too, are innocent. It is simply incomprehensible for those who have not been trained in the facts and nature of sexual abuse. This goes for therapists, doctors, police, attorneys and judges, all of whom are supposedly there to help us and advocate for justice. We have such a long, long way to go, as an international species, toward bringing all the supposed helpers up-to-date on research and best practices. Incredible for something that shatters the lives of one sixth of our children and their parents.

KEEP WRITING. It's effective therapy on its own, and if you write here you will receive feedback.

Oh naive you words are sooooo true........even before all this terrible stuff happened to my dd, I have, through-out my life, been frequently shocked just how emotionally stupid so many people are, particularly men. I thank god you seem to have had some decent professionals involved, I feel so sad for you that you could never confide in friends because of having to respect your dd's privacy being grown, unlike my baby.....at least at first I could talk to a couple of close friends........I hope she, and you, continue on your life long quests to live successful lives after this.

On a more positive note, I am slowly getting better on my own, I really am, I just have to be so careful about investing anything in any-one, I have virtually no resilience any-more, and knock backs like this one cut more deeply than they should. I am home educating my dd, I have hired a student a few hours a week to support her learning and she is doing really well. My dd and I are together all the time, we don't socialise any more (we used to socialise almost every day) believe it or not my dd prefers just being with me......the loneliness only gets to me some-times.......given a bit more time I really want to start mixing with people again.......its just a bit hard to fit back in........you can fall so far so fast, but to climb back up takes years and years.

Sounds as if you're working hard to find what helps you and your daughter pull ahead. The true friends with whom you socialized before will be there again, when you are ready. Take your time. It does get better, but time is essential to the process. Each day you put between the present and the trauma is another building block in the new, stronger you.

naive,how did you cope with your friendships and socialising?

I'm also trying to figure out how to switch to a different counselor. Mine has said things like "Why are you crying?" in an accusing way, implying "Don't be a baby"... Obviously from your screen name you know what crying is about... How old is your daughter now? How long has it been since you found out about the abuse? I'm new here and a snowy weekend and day off from school is allowing me to read a lot here.

Hi, crybaby. How I coped with my friendships and socializing was this: I told three friends who are like sisters to me, and they were blessedly supportive. I told no one else in my social circle. Some of them would "get it," but I felt they were too close to those who would NOT get it, and who would instead be judgmental or cold. So, when if we might socialize, I would put on my social face and make polite conversation about a million things that didn't interest me, because nothing interested me for quite awhile except for the idea of not waking up the next day.

I also expanded my social circle by attending Al-Anon meetings, for family and friends of people with substance abuse problems. That's because about six months before my daughter disclosed the sexual abuse, she disclosed that she was addicted to opioids (a typical pick for sexual abuse survivors, along with alcohol). I found four or five good meetings -- one of them exceptionally good -- and I went, week after week. for a couple of years (before we moved to a new area with shockingly few meetings, despite a raging opioid crisis here). I didn't socialize with anyone from meetings, but I felt wholly accepted and supported, It was like a soul massage.

Here's the great thing about Al-Anon: you can attend meetings if you know ANYONE with a substance abuse problem, such as your alcoholic coworker. Your reason for attending may have nothing to do with substance abuse -- you can go and be supported because it is, first and foremost, a support group for people dealing with something beyond our control. If you cannot find a group for parents of children who have been sexually abused, you can go to Al-Anon and hear (and share) words of comfort, and learn a way of getting through the day, and then the next day, etc. Al-Anon and this forum sustained me in a way I could not have believed until I tried them. Both have helped me to cope, to grow and to move forward.

Blessings to you (all) in this journey.

One more thing: after I had attended one Al-Anon meeting for about six months, I finally told my whole story: about how I had come because of substance abuse, but also because of the sexual abuse that led my daughter to addiction. When I looked up after reading my story without making any eye contact, I saw people nodding with such sympathy and....knowing. In many cases, sexual abuse and substances go hand-in-hand. Others in the group had been "fondled" by their drunken kin, for example. Revealing my story helped them feel accepted and loved as well. I never thought I could reveal my whole story to so many people. The support I found provided a social cement I lacked in my inauthentic interactions with most people during the time when I most needed authenticity.