Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
It has been several years since I posted, so most of you won't know me. Our two daughters, now aged 20 and 18, were abused for years by their brother. We found out over 5 years ago and life has been a roller coaster since. We have all but lost contact with our son. Both our daughters, after seemingto be "okay", have gone downhill in the last 15 months. We have lost track of hospital admissions, suicide attempts, calls from various emergency services and friends. Oldest dd has spent about 9 months in hospital on and off since July last year. She had found the body of a drowned man while we were out one day, and then had multiple friends commit suicide in a short space of time, including a 14yo boy. All this tipped her over the edge.
We ae beyond exhausted with all this and have ourselves been diagnosed with ptsd and complex ptsd/depression. On the up side we now have great therapists for each of us and dh and I have completed a dbt course with youngest dd this year. We are looking at emdr therapy down the track.
Our lives will never be the same, but there are many good things that have come from this too.
Stay strong. Just stay alive until you start living.
I'm so sorry about the troubles you have suffered since the last time you were here. PTSD is a recursive disorder, meaning it can arise again in the future, even after treatment. I can't adequately express how helpful EMDR can be in helping survivors turn down the volume of triggers, in the forms of both flashback and current stimuli. In fact, I'm taking my daughter today for an emergency refresher with an EMDR specialist as the news in the US this past week (about violent sexual assault) caused my daughter to a recurrence of night terrors and extreme sleeplessness. I was with her when she suddenly hallucinated that the man who raped her was in the house. That's when I called the EMDR specialist, and we are blessed that she is willing to see us on a Sunday. Please look into EMDR now, instead of down the track. Your older daughter has seen and experienced far too much for other forms of therapy to address adequately.
Your last sentence was beautiful: "Stay alive until you start living." I have heard similar wisdom: "Where there's life, there's hope." Sexual abuse/assault of one family member (let alone two) affects and changes the whole family. It means navigating a painful, jagged, and sometimes looping, line of progress and setbacks. Survival mode, however long it lasts, is critical to survival. And survival is critical to triumph. Keep going.
Thank you so much for being in touch!!
Great to hear your words of encouragement and wisdom. I am so pleased that your daughter is in a better space. It is so hard to watch the struggle, to be on constant alert, to always be questioning what they are doing. Trust is not a word in our vocabulary.
I think that the psychologist our oldest dd sees does emdr so will ask once she is out of hospital. The therapist specialised in trauma and is a good fit for dd, but due to the constant interruptions by hospital admissions, therapy has been very disjointed. Dd is only now able to stay grounded enough in a therapy session to make some progress.
Survival mode is what we have been in for years now. Waiting for triumph, no matter how small.
As an update on our front, dd20 took a massive overdose with alcohol while an inpatient in a specialised youth mental health facility on Thursday and it was touch and go for several hours. She came out of icu today and is now in a short stay mental health ward. We are not sure what to do as she is in a different city for the first time this has happened, and we are not in a position to support her or bring her back home because of other commitments that can't be moved.
The relationship between our daughters is so bad that they can't live under the same roof as they trigger each other because of the shared abuse, so dd20 moved out recently but hasn't even had time to settle into her new place before being hospitalised again. Other dd is due to be discharged this week after 2 months in hospital and she is hesitant about coming out. Just feel so stuck as a parent, so helpless and exhausted. Glad I am seeing my therapist again this week.
This new "normal" really sucks.