Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
5 months ago, my son (now 19) told me that his sister (now 22) had sexual abused/assulted him when he was the ages of 7-10. We all live in the same apartment and they have not spoken since the fight that brought about the reveal (again only to me) About 10 incedences occured All 3 of us are in individual therapy and tomorrow we have our first family therapy session when my son will tell his sister what he now remembers I am terrified. My son is terrified. I love both my children so much and believe it or not, I am afraid I will lose my daughter when this comes out We have a great family therapist, who is going to lead the session but OMG an I terrifed
What a helluva time to be "roommates." As soon as lockdowns began, I prayed for people forced to quarantine with their abusers. This must have been an excruciating five months for you and your son. He is so brave to have come forward with this information.
I know you've got to prepare for tomorrow, so I won't say more than this: please spend some time tonight, if you have not done so already, reading from www.mosac.net, especially:
https://www.mosac.net/FamilyTherapy.aspx
This page talks about including siblings in the family therapy process with the assumption that they are NOT the perpetrators, however, it includes this consideration regarding your daughter:
"They may have been abused and never disclosed."
I will be thinking of you tomorrow.
Our first session did not go the way my son wanted as my daughter was absolutely silent the whole time. She just cried. and cried. So he was angry that she said nothing at all. I was relieved she did not call him a liar, yell at him or run out of the room. She sat there and listened. and Cried
I know there is a long road ahead but I truly believe she wants to gain rebuild their relationship and for him to trust her again. Time and patience
Are you all still living together?
and yes we are all living together in a 2 bedroom apartment. They don't speak at all I am hoping , truly hoping they can rebuild their relationship in time.
The tension in the home with the three of you must be incredible. Something that really hit me from behind in our situation was that once they got to the right point in therapy, my kids seemed comfortable living in the same house--not super chummy but both said it was fine and I didn't sense a lot of tension. But...things went really downhill between my son (the perpetrator) and me, and the months when he was unexpectedly back in our home due to last spring's quarantine the tension was beyond belief. I got so stressed my words were coming out wrong and I couldn't remember the simplest things--which of course made things even worse.
One possible source of in-person support, not specifically for sexual abuse, but for people who have been through really difficult personal and interpersonal situations, is Al-Anon. I only recently learned most groups welcome anyone, you don't have to have an actual alcoholic in the family. I haven't taken the plunge to really join a group but I visited and found a lot of hard-earned wisdom and understanding there.
All I can say is just because your daughter might have done this to some extent it doesn't make her a creep in any way. when my siblings and I were growing up our parents sheltered us too much which let us to discover our body and hormones by watching each other develop. she might have touched by curiosity but not with a malicious attempt most likely. I'm not defending the matter but probably it was more innocent then what he can remember. possibly that experience did give him nightmares in which now he confuses what probably really happened to what his emotions about it might have exaggerated.
the only reason why I say any of this is due to experience. for example my sister and I shared a bed till I was 11 or so. by then we had discovered certain areas were sensitive. without knowing we might have innocently laid to closely or showed each other areas of sensitivity. we never undressed or anything but we did unconsciously without knowing did things that later we learned weren't normal. we never discussed or shared any of that ever again. Does that make us wrong? Not at all It makes us normal. It's the fact that we realized our wrong and matured. My brother when he was 16 or so climbed on me and we both immediately knew it wasn't right although we both wanted to know what it was like to be so close. Just please keep that in mind.
I don't know the details but I hope it can relate.
There are lots of thoughts that go through my mind about why my daughter did it...curiosity, anger, manipulation, it was done to her Hopefully, once she starts talking (which I know might be a while), she will tell my son. Or maybe she won't. I think she is processing it all and when my son told in the session last week, It all came flooding back.
and yes as a parent, of course I want this resolved as soon as possible. I have to step back and let all the therapists do their job
We never know who has it "worse," because everyone's situation is different. So many factors determine when survivors disclose (if ever) and how they cope. Each case of child sexual abuse is 100% bad. The worst thing we ever go through is still the worst thing we ever go through. Most of us here are going or have gone through the worst thing we have ever gone through. We all need support. I'm so glad you are here.