Welcome! This is not your fault,or his.People rent rooms,have roommates,help people in need.We can never imagine people are this evil.My daughter was molested by an older cousin.We allowed a bedroom door to be closed while they played video games.Who does that?! A few times she even came out and my husband sent her back in do the adults could talk! Imagine he actually sent her back in to be abused! But it's not his fault!Do I want to blame him? YES! I want to but I know it's not right.He will forever live with that guilt.Is your daughter in counseling yet? That is your priority right now,let her know how brave she is and how proud of her you are.Also do not react if she tells you what happened,just a " I am so sorry that happened to you" or " I am so proud of your bravery" Children are very affected by our reactions.Ypu and your husband will also need therapy,you may think you don't but believe me you do.You will go through so many intense emotions and therapy will help.It will also help you to help your daughter. She will get through this,and a therapist will help her see it's not your fault.She is very young and will make a full recovery.Also get a child adbocate,they are free and will help with all kinds of things especially with legal matters.Sending hugs!

Sending more (((HUGS)))) too. Unfortunately all of us here know that sick feeling in our stomach, the difficulty to even type what happened.

It is sickening that this happened to her so young. I know there's no good side to it, but it's less bad than it could have been, that she told you right away, you believed her right away, and you acted. Have the law enforcement that you've dealt with so far given you any referrals to counseling for her or you, or to a child advocacy center? It's really important that ASAP you all get counseling. The sooner it starts, the less the long-term effects will be for everything, and the better support you can get to know how to deal with what your daughter is going through.

I know you feel guilty that you let this guy around her but my guess is that in her 4 year old mind, she's not making that connection. If she's pushing you away I'm guessing it's more likely general trauma and stress from what she went through. I'm not any kind of counselor, that's just my mom instinct.

I highly recommend the website mosac.net It stands for Mothers Of Sexually Abused Children. I know it's sickening that you are in that category now, but the site has so much info, from what to expect as the legal process plays out, to what reactions to expect from your daughter, and what it is normal for YOU to be feeling as well.

((HUGS)) again. Keep coming here as much as you need to.

I agree that it's very unlikely that she is blaming you,she may just be protecting herself and doesn't know how.

Also another good resource is the national sexual assault hotline 1-800-656-4673 They answer 24/7, totally confidential, know all about this awful stuff and will be there to support you even if it's the middle of the night. If possible the nubmer will link you to a local sexual assault crisis center and that is a great way to find local counseling support ASAP. Our local center was great for me, I didn't realize it soon enough but a good thing is that the crisis center was 100% focused on helping victims and families, not distracted by the needs of a criminal investigation or anything like that. It might not seem like a big difference but I found out that the child advocacy center where we eventually got help for our daughter (she was a teen when she disclosed) won't even put you on the waiting list for counseling until after the victim gives a forensic interview, which in our case meant two months wait. The sexual assault crisis center, on the other hand, will see you right away if you're in crisis and will even come along to support you during exams, interviews, etc. I don't know if it works like that where you are but definitely it's worth it to give them a call--you can talk to someone in person who can give you advice and support specific to your situation in real time.

I am very sorry to hear your little one had this awful experience!!! And I can agree with all others here, that we all are going to the same gut wrenching and heartbreaking emotions.
My little girl was molested in time frame when she was2 1/2 to 3 1/2 once a month by older Cousins of my husband during visits and holiday celebrations. I was nursing and changing our infant son and my husband was talking to perps wife and just other people. We were there and not there :( We believed it’s safe because it is family and we believed our little one is playing with the other little kiddos in the house when we didn’t see her. We didn’t even know often the perp ( a father and nearly of age son ) had been in the house.. 5 bedroom etc. they never showed up during certain visits.. with less than 3 1/2 when she was able to express herself more verbally ( she’s bilingual) she told me, that she was touched and over the course of time we learned more gut wrenching things.. what I learned and experienced is, that very little children think, that daddys and mommys know everything and very little kiddos are angry actually at us too because we let it happen in their mind although we didn’t know. It takes maturity for a child to understand that concept, that parents aren’t all knowing and also and a very important aspect, that we as parents thought, this house and these people were safe! Our believe isn’t their belief and that has to be understood by a little child. This summer was super hard and this actually was, what we were working on. My daughter is 6 now and finally got her complete anger out, focused on me and my husband and also on the perps ( she drew stomachs of and faces of them on papers and we put them on pillows on the floor and she was jumping on them and tearing them up in many pieces and tossed them in the trash. She also was very angry with us, because we didn’t protect her and she felt alone she said. We said they tricked us we didn’t know the perps true nature. They had always been so helpful, friendly and social towards us and we made perps wife godmother of our son even.. this summer was very hard but I feel my daughter feels heard and relieved by here let out so much focused anger and she started to understand we were fooled by them as well and that is the reason we didn’t check every minute on her or went to their house for visits. We trusted them.

She trusted me always and told me a lot when she was 3-4 yrs and then closer to 5 and 6 she understood more about shame and guilt in her development and therapy was hard to keep the trust and connection. But with help of therapy we didn’t loose the connection to her and are always supportive, so she started to entrusting us more again.. we learned to be less emotionally reactive to disclosures and certain behaviors..
Most important for your daughter and your family is getting into therapy. Play therapy with a counselor who specialized in EMDR therapy for kiddos. That together with parent child interaction therapy is so helpful in the beginning. I couldn’t manage my 3 yr old then( totally defiant, angry, outbursts and overwhelmed with different feeling, which little ones have to learn to understand first and then how to verbalize them! After disclosure behavior worsens dramatically. That’s why therapy and early intervention is so crucial! parent child interaction therapy was a life saver for me to get out of the worst with her. Studies have shown, that little ones with trauma like these under the age of 5 can have a full recovery. She might revisit this topic at later points in life ( most likely preteen, adolescence, marriage, pregnancy, birth etc. ) but she can have a full recovery, with a healthy happy and fulfilling life!
Most importantly is also to take good care of yourself with a therapist ( emdr experienced, trauma specialized therapy, which can reduce the intensity of emotions we, as moms and dads, go through)
you have to be her rock no matter what and how she acts and reacts and With your unconditional love your little one will understand despite her immature understanding now, that you never would do and bring her in a position, which is harmful. I too had to learn for myself not to feel guilty about it and enduring her anger she felt. When she is angry, you can say ‘ I am sorry I didn’t protect you, and later when she has calmed down in quite moment ‘ I didn’t know, they were tricky people. They tricked me too and I am angry at them too. If I would be home I would have looked for you and made sure you are ok. I didn’t know how they really are. I am really glad you told me.’
This message will take time to sink in your daughter, but with patience and love she will eventually understand. And trust and closeness will be established again. I am describing, what we went through in the last months..
Try to see if you can find a counselor, who is working directly with crime victim compensation ( reimbursement for therapy cost and mileage you drive!) if you not, then you pay and put the claim in get reimbursed afterwards. I drove to CAC most of the times over 20 miles each way .. and still our current counselor is far, but so worth to pick someone specialized on kids with emdr after having several, where there was either no connection between kid and counselor or not very experienced counselors for so little children..
It will be a long journey, but she can heal fully and live a good healthy life because you believe her, stand by her in anger and sadness and do the best you can for her. All the efforts, tears, sweat and pain you put into her and your healing.. there will be a lot of ups and downs and maybe more downs sometimes, but emotions come and go and you will learn more and more coping strategies for you and for her.
Your daughter will understand that more and more growing up and she will be so happy and thankful to have such a strong mommy like you!!!:) you will be surprised about yourself... but when it comes to our babies, we all are mama bears and discover strength we never thought we would have!!!
Long post...
Big hugs to you and keep your spirits up!!! You started the right step and one step leads to another one. One thing at a time..

First, know you'll get through this! It won't be easy but you already started the healing process by reaching out. 2nd, not your fault, please try not to have any guilt trips. Gradually work it out through counseling. And, please seek therapy for your daughter. Much hugs to you and waves if strength, courage and healing to you and your family.

Deep breaths. Again and again. Therapist for your Baby girl and for you. So many of us have been there. You are not alone

Pcit. Parent child interactive therapy.

Was helpful beginning to re-establish trust