I am trying my best to be patient, which is very difficult for me too. Waiting for my son to report the abuser to the detective is driving me crazy. But I'm told not to rush him. Everyone moves at their own pace. It must be horrible for you to have to deal with these people. My son's abuser lives in Eden Prairie, MN, We live in NJ, so no chance of running into him. I was so afraid of what I might do, I contacted the Prosecutors office immediately. The enormity of everything you have to deal with is heartbreaking. The only thing I can say to you is be patient with your husband as I have to be with my son. He might be waiting for the right time to confront his Father. Men are strange creatures, you can't figure them out. You're in my thoughts.

mommaKL - just wanted to send some hugs your way. I can't even imagine how frustrating that must be. :( HUGS to you.

I'm curious. Did he molest your oldest? And if so, why is it you would leave him if it happened to your youngest or am I not understanding what you said??

As Debtom said, men are strange creatures. Believe me, I know how frustrating it is when they don't react the way you want them to. They are just wired so different. He is finally starting to believe it, but doesn't sound like he's quite all the way there yet. So technically he is still in the very early stages of this. Stick with the couples counselling, and give him time. I pray that you find peace and strength in all of this. (((HUGS)))

Men are strange, true. They handle things differently. Thanks for the hugs.
Justamom...sorry I probably was rambling. My father in law molested my oldest (25) daugher from ages 7-12 but we didn't know until 7 months ago. We now have my youngest daughter (12) in counseling, she does know what her evil grandpa did, to find out if there is anything that happened to her. Our oldest is my husband's step daughter and the counselor asked what he will do if something comes out about our 12 year old....although he has raised my daughter since 5 and calls her his....I guess it is different in his mind. I am trying to be patient but getting frustrated that he hasn't confronted his father on behalf of 25 year old....and counselor asked me what i would do if he still doesn't if something comes out about the 12 year old....that is when I said I would leave him. Does that confuse you even more???

Hi MKL, just want you to know you guys are in my thoughts and prayers. This issue is so all-encompassing and devisive. I hate that it ruins family relationships and marriages. Men can be thicker than the arctic ice in January (I think that's a Dr Philism). Most of us know we would choose our kids over unsupportive friends and family everytime, but when it's your situation --your own spouse, who should confront his own father --it's so much easier said than done. Has your husband always found it easy to talk about issues with you, or has he always been fairly silent or found it a struggle? Has he had a very good relationship with his dad? Has his dad seemed more like the controlling type, or thought he knew better than others? I remember I had to confront my parents (judgmental, know-it-all types) about something serious yrs ago, and it took me a few months of weekly counseling, working on my confidence and my communication skills, and realizing what realistic expectations were, to finally get to the point I could do it. I think your husband needs to work on that--expectations, confidence and communication. I agree he should say something to his father, and not speaking the truth doesn't support your older daughter or you or his family, but I just hate to see a marriage and family torn up because of some sick offender. I know your patience is wearing thin. You are doing an amazing job for your kids, your family, and marriage. I'm so sorry you're all going thru this. Big (((HUGS))) to you all.

I would just like to say ditto to everything Bandmom5 just said! and.....we are here for you, don't ever forget that! Take care and hugs to you from me.

Just out of curiosity, could there be a chance that his own father molested him??? Could that be why he doesn't want to face him??? He could be feeling lots of guilt on letting things get that far with your oldest. Take care and vent anytime!! Hugs and prayers to you!

Thanks ladies, you always help me see things better. Oh yes his father is very very controlling. He comes from the old school where the man is the boss of the house and the woman is here to serve them. My husband had culture shock when he married into a family of strong women and saw my father take his own plate to the sink and if he needed more tea he didn't just sit there staring at his glass til his wife got the telepathic message to get up and get more. He is very chauvenist and I have never really liked his ways, we have clashed on issues pertaining to me being involved in a business I own with my husband. Men should handle that. I was very proud my husband took up for me and put him in his place on that issue. That is how I know he is capable if he gets mad enough. Why in the world this wouldn't make him mad enough to tell him I off I dont 'know. I guess I would say they have never been very close, my husband would prefer deal with his mother anytime. His dad is odd, even without knowing he is a pedophile. He is always in the background lerking at people and if he hugged you it was always uncomfortable, too long and too close in your space. Always gave me and others I know the creeps but we just wrote it off as our imaginations because he is such a Holy man...

We have always been fake in front of him. Not drinking when out to eat, watching our language etc...I regret ever not being myself with him. To think he was having sex with my child and I cared what he thought, makes me sick.

We have counseling tomorrow and i am sure that I will be told I am trying to control him and make him do things my way.

If something happened to my husband he has no memory of it. I kind of think my sick father in law is into little girls not boys, that would be against God...haha.

Another exapmple of his personality if we were out to eat he was very rude and demanding, such a good Crhstian example and if for instance the waitress didn't bring tea fast enough for him he would get up and go to the waitress station grab a tea pitcher and bring it to the table.

He is very passive agressive. I saw a picture of him the other day on a cousins facebook and he looks liek he has one foot in the grave. My daugher that was abused has been working on a confrontation letter for months, I told her after seeing that picture if she really wants him to read it she better hurry. I think his judgement day is soon. I find great comfort in that and am very curious if he will see the light and confess before he dies on his death bed, doubt it but it would be awesome if he could at least give my daughter that.

Thanks as usual for the support and hugs...I will always take them and give them right back. I just love you guys and woudln't of made it thru the past 7 months without you. I will let you know how counseling goes tomorrow. I am tired of my marriage suffering because of that perv!!

Hahahaha... "stare at his glass til his wife got the telepathic message to go get more" ...that is too funny MKL. My MIL is very passive aggressive, and my therapist, way back when I was learning how to deal with her, said that is one of the hardest types of people to get thru to; that may be why your husband is so reluctant to confront him--he knows after living with him all his life it's really just a futile effort, and your husband will come out looking like the bad guy somehow (that's what my MIL used to do to me when I took her son away from her--at age 27). He definitely needs the counselor to help him learn how to approach and respond--maybe some roleplay could shed some light on it for him. Hang in there, keep us posted, and we are rooting for you and are here for you :0)

HELLO MOM, THIS MAN IS JUST SICK AND FALSE, NOTHING TO DO WITH ''GOD'',HE HAS BEEN HIDING IS FILTHNESS UNDER THE COVER OF BEING A CHRISTIAN ,I WONDER HOW MANY GIRLS HAS HE ACTUALLY MOLESTED AND THEY ARE NOT TALKING, AND YOUR MOTHER INLAW ,SUCH A HYPPOCRIT, WHAT KIND OF WOMAN PRETEND THAT NOTHING HAS HAPPEND,I AM SURE THAT SHE IS COVERING FOR HIM, HE IS A BULLY AND THE FAMILY ARE IN FEAR OF THIS MAN, HE IS A NARCISISTIC B...., YOUR HUSBAND IS AFRAID TO CONFRONT HIM, AND MAYBE HE WAS EMOTIONALLY ABUSED ,AND CAN'T EVEN TALK ABOUT IT, BEING A MAN.LOOK I SUFFERED EMOTIONAL AND MENTAL ABUSE FROM HIS MOTHER AND FAMILY, ALWAYS SAYING BAD THINGS AND LIES ABOUT ME ,AND HE NEVER SAID A WORD IN DEFENSE, THAN AFTER 31 YEARS SHE CALLED ME AND ASKED ME TO FORGIVE THAT MAYBE SHE WAS WRONG, WELL THIS JUST TURNED ME INTO A MONSTER, SUDDENLY I WOKE UP AND FOUND THE STRENTH TO AKNOWLEDGE THAT I LET THIS EVIL BITCH ABUSE ME ,AND HIM NEVER STANDING FOR ME, I STARTED TO TELL HIM OF ALL THE THINGS I NEVER SAID, I REDUCED HIM TO NOTHING, I REALISED THAT I NO LONGER LOVED HIM NOR RESPECTED HIM FOR A LONGTIME, I REGRET THAT I DIDN'T LEAVE HIM YEARS AGO WHEN I WANTED AND LET HIM CONVINCE ME TO STAY, NOW ALL I COULD SEE WAS FAULTS AND UGLINESS,WHAT A ROTTEN HUSBAND HE HAS BEEN AND A MAMA BOY, WEEK UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF HIS MANIPULATIVE AND DOMINIRING MOTHER, I HOPE THAT YOU DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU AND YOUR GIRLS, HUGS JOY.

My mohter in law is in very very deep denial. Sheh as been with this sick man since she was 16. He has total control over her and I doubt she will ever believe he could do this. I think she had to have some idea and has blocked it. She knows he will die soon. Then everyone will think he is a saint.

My husband is afraid to confront him for some reason and I guess I will have to be patient and wait for him to work through this.

I am sorry for what your mother in law has done to you. People are so crewl. Sorry your husband couldn't stand up for you. You are very strong.

How are you doing on your own??