Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group

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/ Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Support Group

Hard night

momtea5
momtea5

Tonight I am having a really hard night.  It is our wedding anniversary!  My daughter's disclosure is still pretty new (feb 23, 2017).  My husband, her father had been sexually assulting her for the last 6 months. She is doing well, praise Jesus.  But today I am not OK.  I am grieving the loss of my best friend and my husband.  I feel so alone and sad tonight.  I know that is just my feeling and not really the truth.  But I am sad and missing the life we had.  Today should be a celebratory day (we have been married 18 years) instead it is just another day in a long list of days that make me sad.  Of course I can't talk to my daughter about this, but thankfully I have you all to go to, along with some great friends here where I live.  Thank you for listening to me.  

ashley73
ashley73
Sorry I am just now seeing and responding to this. My heart goes out to you. I hope that you are doing better today. I understand about the special days being a bit harder because now there is something ugly that makes something that in the past has been special and celebrated, just not. It's so hard and nobody, it seems, will understand what we are going through. But I do if that helps! I remember Valentine's day of this year being especially hard because that marked a year since my children's disclosers and it was on Valentines day that I went to police station and filed a report on my husband. So that day was brought up a lot of bad feelings for many reasons. Glad that you have friends to talk to and help you through this. We all need each other.
hopefulmama
hopefulmama
It's hard to describe the feeling of thinking you know someone and be so wrong.Just be glad you did find out,and that your daughter is good.our bad days are all holidays,we were always at my in-laws for holidays so my daughter was abused every holiday.Stay strong
Naive1.2
Naive1.2
When that curtain opens and we see the awful reality of what we thought had been wonderful....it's a killer. Anniversaries of every kind are painful in the aftermath of disclosure, but you will build new traditions to replace the old. Maybe you'll start a new ritual on your anniversary, one that is just for you -- a renewal day, with a pedicure, a hair appointment and some ice cream to celebrate your independence. It's early to imagine it, but even 18 years of the old norm can be forgotten in time. Two years ago we moved from a town we hadn't really liked, but had lived there anyway for 16 years. We were just commenting last night about how we can hardly remember the place. It will happen for you, too.
lonelyandunsure
lonelyandunsure
i'm two months from disclosure. I found out when i talked to my daughter. she was very brave and told me when and who. it was through 2016. I called police immediately and he left within hours of disclosure. But my heart still hurts. He was/is my first love, also a long lost love as we were separated for 17+ years. He confessed when brought in and is willing to pay the consequences. In the end i have no support as i am not allowed to
support BOTH my daughter and him. i believe in Jesus and that he can change a man...so far i still have hope ...: i wish i could skip the next few years because it being fresh sucks!
momtea5
momtea5
Thank you all so much for the love and support. I am so grateful that this whole group is full of people who truly understand what I am feeling.
Naive1.2
Naive1.2
Quick notes:

Momtea5, it's also anguish to realize that a real best friend would not sexually assault your daughter -- for six months, no less! Lonelyandunsure, statistics show that it's pretty much impossible for a pedophile to become a changed man. Jesus may be able to change him, but your role in this miracle will be to make sure that man never comes near your child/children again.
hopefulmama
hopefulmama
Agreed Naive,leave the changing to God,and He has left the protecting to you!
musicmommy
musicmommy
It took me quite a while to get used to the fact that my ex wasn't my best friend like I thought. He NEEDED me to think that or else I would've kicked him to the curb even before he assaulted my daughter. Abusers are pros at getting us to feel sorry for them, to believe what they say, to buy into the "soulmate" image that allows us to look past their abuse. My ex still emails me from prison saying that it was a one-time "mistake", that he was just drinking too much at the time, that it's not who he is, and that he WAS and still is in love with me and was happy on our marriage. It's all crap! His words don't match his actions. People who live you don't treat you like crap - end of story. I don't care what their "problems" are. I know it's easy to miss being married and having an in-tact family, but you were married to a monster. I'm happy that you got away. This will definitely be easier over time.
Naive1.2
Naive1.2
Oh, great, musicmommy! By all means, take him back! You need someone like that in your life: a "problem drinker" who commits felonious "mistakes" (but only once!). Oops! My sarcasm-meter is overheating. I'm so glad you can see through your ex. Any chance you could block his emails at this point?