I have absolutely no experience with this, so I won't pretend to offer you any wisdom. I am just glad that you're one step closer to some form of justice. Wishing you the best possible outcome.

Hi lusks

I found out in March this year that my father was molesting my 8 yr old daughter, thankfully she was brave enough to tell us what had happened. At the time she remembered 3 incidences. Her abuser confessed and came over voluntarily to our state to be charged. When he arrived he was shocked to find he was now facing 6 charges as my daughter remembered more. Her abuser was going to plead guilty (he said anything that would not cause her anymore trauma he was willing to do). Turns out he is pleading guilty to 2 incidences and the other 4 he does not remember according to him. I know my daughter is not making it up as she idolised her grand dad.
My husband is in Law so he explains everything to me (thankgoodness) :)
The lawyer that my daughters abuser has retained is appearing in court for my daughters abuser, as our abuser lives a 5 hour plane flight away.
I am in Australia so not sure how much our legal system differs as I am not sure where you are from. :)

Ours start off by a mention - this is the first date at which the matter is listed before the court.

Then they have the committal - this is where magistrate hears all evidence and decides whether there is enough evidence for a trial. If the defendant pleads guilty the defendant is committed for sentencing. If they plead not guilty then the defendant is committed to trial.

When it comes to the children in court over here, my daughter will have to go into a room at the court with the Judge present and tell them of the incidences that occured, this may or may not be sent live via video to the courtroom, but she has to relive it all the same. :(
We will also all have to give evidence at the trial.

Things that will go FOR the abuser (brownie points)
They confess
They hand themselves in
co operate with police
have started receiving help for their condition (counselling).

My daughters abuser faces a custodial sentence - meaning he will face jail time. We have no idea how long as he gave himself up, is seeking help, also said he was abused as a child by a neighour (not sure if this is true or not) as this admission also helps with reducing his sentence. Also they take into account the history of the person, remorse, they will look at everything and the lawyer for the abuser will be fighting to get them a reduced sentence.

As my daughters abuser has decided to plead not guilty (he can still change his mind as they are having the mention on the 9th July, but I doubt he will), We will be submitting a victim's impact statement in court- outlining the trauma that my daughter has suffered and is still suffering due to this abuse. This statement will also be taken into account For the Victim when the judge is deciding the abusers fate.

I hope that helped a little. You will need all your strength for the coming months, I know ours is now going to drag on until next year maybe longer and my daughter will have to relive the whole thing again after all the therapy she would have had to help her. It is heartbreaking.
Come here to vent and for support it helps alot - I know it does for me :)
All the best x

Neither my abuser or my daughter's abuser were ever charged so I can't speak to the legal aspect but I am glad that he turned himself in. I hope you get a guilty verdict if this goes to trial and he rots in prison!

I wish your family healing now.

Laura

I have noticed he is daily posting to facebook. Supporting the military, abused mothers, unborn children. All kinds of positive posts which I think is trying to use as proving he is a good law abiding citizen. How badly I want to post on there what a BAD person he is. I want to Tell ALL of his friends and family.

Lowlife. His defense is offensive.

If you are in the US, it depends on what state you are in. We're in NJ. My sons' perp was charged with 7 counts that were all 2nd and 3rd degree felonies, chose not to plea until after grand jury results and ensuing negotiations, was indicted on all 7 counts in grand jury, his lawyer did all kinds of delaying tactics and had us all investigated by a private investigator, asst prosecutor offered him a plea deal, more delays, they countered with lesser plea deal, my kids agreed because they had to go back to college or risk losing their scholarships and grants if they had to stay here for a trial; then the judge thought it was all just a case of immaturity in the perp and gave him the lowest sentence he could-- 3 yrs suspended sentence, parole for 15 yrs, Megan's law sex offender, not allowed within 100 feet of anyone under 16 without court approved supervisor present, psychosexual eval that resulted in an unlikely to reoffend status, so he's not on an online registry, just in a database. He has a great job working with a former friend of mine organizing and staging houses...

What on earth was a private investigator looking for?

Anything, I'm sure, that could be used as a motive for a false accusation.

The detective told us the P.I. was looking for anything that would either discredit any of my sons' statements in the interviews they did with police, or any unusual or unreasonable parts of the procedure/process by police, us, asst prosecutor, etc so they could get charges dropped. But it was all done by the book and there's nothing any of us have ever done that would even hint at the possibility of us not being credible.

Bandmom - was your son the only victim? I am just hoping this is done quickly and painlessly and am so hungry for answers... The arraignment is 06/30

Thank you so very much everyone

Actually, all 3 of my sons were victms. My oldest was on an overnight hiking trip with the perp on the Appalachian trail while my son was a high school student, and the perp was an employee of the school--one my son's band instructors--and he told the perp to find someone his own age to have a relationship like that with and said nothing about it to anyone, and my son couldn't remember which state each occasion of abuse happened in, so there were no charges filed for those. My twins were then abused by same perp once my oldest went to college, though one stopped it after several instances within a 3 wk period, but the perp then threatened the other one with all kinds of lies so the other twin kept allowing it to happen for almost a yr 1-2 times a week, but then finally stopped it. He didn't disclose until right after he got to college. The 7 charges were for the abuse on both twins, and the one 3rd degree child endangerment charge agreed upon for the sentencing was for both twins.