Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
On March 4th our daughter (11yrs) called me at almost 1a.m. and told me that she woke up to her uncle w/ his hand down her pants touching her girl parts. I told her to wake her aunt (my sister) up, she said she did and that she didn't believe her!
My husband was going to go get her and bring her home, but my sister insisted she be the one to bring her home.
On the drive to our house (12 miles) my sister kept saying, "This is a sick joke...he loves you he would never do this to you...why are you lying...this is a sick joke--right?"
When they got here, our daughter was not crying--but we could tell she had been. Come to find out she was mad at my sister for yelling at her the entire drive to our house. I have text messages between my sister and me, she was going to leave her husband and take her 14yr old daughter to stay somewhere else. "I love him, but she's my niece...I don't want to lose her."
After talking to our daughter, I told my sister that I had to call the cops...so I did.
--Our daughter gave her statement and answered any/all questions the officer asked.
--She had a rape kit performed on her that same morning (only about an hour or two after the incident).
--That Monday she had a forensic interview.
--That Monday night he was arrested.
--That Friday...my sister bailed him out of jail. WTF?!?!
My sister has chosen to take sides w/ her husband. She has called her own niece a liar.
--This is not the first time her husband has been accused of this. A few years back a girl accused him of it but waited a year before telling anyone. There was never any proof that it did or did not happen. Please don't judge us...NOW we know that he is sick enough to do something like this. We were investigated for lack of supervision on our daughter that night and it was ruled unsubstantiated because when there's no proof that it did or did not happen and its a family member saying "I would never!" Unfortunately, we believed him over the victim :(
He's being charged w/ 1 count of aggravated indecent liberties w/ a child...the sentence period is 25-Life.
--His bond was $150k and the judge lowered it to 50K
--His probation was modified last week and he's now able to be around his step-daughter(14) and his biological son(14).
I'm so mad at my sister. The lies, the way she treats our mother...all of it! How do you turn on your BLOOD for a man?
I'm furious w/ the attorney and judge that it seems like they're giving them EVERYTHING they're asking for: You want your bond lowered? Sure! You want to be able to see your kids? SURE!
His first preliminary hearing was pushed back, is now scheduled for the 25th of this month. I'm sure it'll get pushed back AGAIN.
They're waiting for the results from the rape kit--that can take AT LEAST 2-3 months.
The good news is though, our daughter has handled all of this great! She's not afraid to talk to us and we aren't afraid to answer any questions she has. She's still very happy go lucky and full of energy. She's mad too though and we told her it's okay to be mad, it's okay to have mixed emotions.
I'm the mom! I should be able to hold myself together but I'm failing miserably. I won't cry in front of her though.
My husband is a quiet storm brewing.
Our son(13) is disgusted and mad about all of it.
Should we get an attorney? What if the District Attorney isn't aggressive...it doesn't seem like he's trying too hard to make sure justice is served.
I'm so frustrated.
I can't sleep.
My anxiety is through the roof.
I am so sorry there is even a group like this on the internet and sadly reading though peoples stories have given me some comfort so know that you are NOT alone in this,,, sadly.
It breaks my heart to think your poor baby had to do a rape kit. That is just something horrible. I would suggest getting everyone into counseling. This unfortunately is going to tear your family apart as people take sides so counseling will help the family as they heal from this horrible mess this man has created. The anger I have in my heart towards my own husband could rival any atomic bomb.
Also there are child advocacy centers in every state and all they do and are trained for is helping families who have gone through this kinda stuff. They have been so helpful and have staff that have gone with us to the police station every time my daughters have had to do forensic interviews and they have free legal council to help you navigate the scary waters ahead.
But most of all you should commend your daughter for standing up to her uncle and your sister.... well she'll have to deal with that mess herself. She really needs to take a step back and do some hard reflection on herself and her marriage. I ignored red flags for years and now I sit with two daughters having been sexually assaulted by their father and let me tell you that is not something I would wish on any women. Its a hard bitter pill to swallow.
I purchased a weighted blanket for myself and my daughter to help with sleep. Sleep is so tough and the nightmares are horrid. There are some other posts within this group of suggestions on herbs to help sleeping. My daughter also takes melatonin and a prescription sleep aid. The nights are rough but they do get better. I also started a hate journal so every time I get pissed off I just spew it all into my journal so I don't fly into a rage everyday.
My thoughts are with you, your family and your daughter. I just hate this page even exists but it really has helped me so much and for that I am thankful.
She turned 12 on the 21st of March. Exactly 1 month after this happened to her, she started her period for the first time--at school! "Mom I remembered you talking to me about it. I wasn't scared, I cleaned myself up and went to my locker and got what I needed." She actually told a boy in her class before she told me, LOL!