Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
After my 15yr old daughter declined help yet again yesterday I had to go a drive, I just couldn't cope... to be honest I wasn't sure if I was ever gonna return home... But I did after 1 hour, my daughter only has me. I googled out of utter despair & this site popped up. It breaks my heart reading how our kids & their parents are being failed & reading about monsters who commit crimes, many of which do not get convicted & are still out there living their life as if nothings happened whilst, families & their children, my daughters life & my family life are in tatters. I can't cope with the pain...of never being able to get justice, the failings in childrens mental health, the pain of seeing my daughter slipping away. She was battling in silence, I tried to get her help after she started showing signs of anxiety back in 2018, mainly for her being bullied in school, but I always knew there was an underlying problem but I'd no idea what it was. She started school refusal at 13yrs in Feb 2019...both school n mental health did nothing... Then the wheels totally came off in August 2019 when she disclosed an ex sexually abused her between the ages of 6 & 11, I'm tormented by me failing her (letting him in our life) & appalled & disgusted at the failings in the system... Both The justice system & support. She's was too frightened to do a video statement, she was convinced he would kill us both because she'd told. The police said its only recorded as an allegation against him. I've been insulted & treated as if I'm a crap parent by both school & CAMHS....after I pointed out my daughter was failed by them both, how can a parent put structure to a child's day when her child she shuts herself away, is suicidal & isn't being supported... Even her taking a bath is a struggle. Then Covid happened last year. It's taken me 2 yrs to fight to get school to give her a telephone nurturer but it's early days & my daughter is still declining to talk to her....(CAMHS) NHS Child mental health neglected her... She's going undiagnosed. I now pay for a private therapist to do Telephone support sessions to help her with her battles... She's Unable to leave the house...too terrified, mainly stays in her room, issues with anxiety, body image, self neglect, eating disorders etc...has felt suicidal in the past. She refuses to talk about the actual abuse....but she tells me about it & my head is busting & ...the anger that Wells up inside me is immense.... But I know I need to channel that energy & put it to good use. My daughter is now just a couple of weeks away from being 16yrs. I met an amazing partner who lives near me 8 mths ago who is in my bubble, keeps me sane, we chatted yesterday over the phone & he calmed me down... Finally after all the years i have a good man but now we're going thru all this plus covid.... I feel If we can get thru this we can get thru anything. How the hell do parents cope n hold things together, will things ever improve. Will my daughter ever get thru this n get her life back. We're Just taking one day at a time. Feel It's 2 steps forwards & 5 steps back. I'm gonna contact my local MP to tell them our story, the system is broken, it breaks my heart to read there's 100s of other parents n children out there with stories similar to ours.
There's no getting around the pain -- not for us, not for our children. We all have to go through it, with as much support as we can get. It sounds as if you've been treated exceptionally poorly on your way to finding someone who will help. I have no idea about tax laws where you are, but you may be able to deduct this cost from your taxes, for whatever consolation that brings. But be sure to seek care for YOURSELF, because you can't do this alone, and because as much as your bubble partner may wish to help, this is bigger than the both of you. Get support for yourself so your partner has energy to support you and your daughter as best he can.
Please visit www.mosac.net for a thorough discussion of all aspects of the fallout, emotionally and in terms of family dynamics, as you go through this.
My daughter refused to press charges. Like your daughter, she had been threatened with death by her abuser. I think she was more concerned that he had also promised to kill me. This is an impossible load for a child to carry.
Please also return and write here. The people making you feel like a bad parent simply aren't counting their blessings that they haven't found themselves in this situation (yet?). Here, you are understood and supported!