The one aspect of my daughter's abuse that has not caused me to lose sleep is that it came from a non-family member. As a result, I'm perfectly comfortable with my complete and utter lack of forgiveness. I cannot understand how families who claim to be devoutly religious can, first of all, be so blind about the abuse, but second, also be so blind about how their thoughtlessness denies those who wish to forgive. One admission by your mom or brothers that the abuse just might, maybe, have possibly, conceivably happened might be enough to allow you to let go. Without that, the problem may outlive us all.

In the meantime, I hope you can look at forgiveness of others as a goal -- a work in progress -- and not as a requirement before you can enjoy your life fully. Consider just how much Steps 1-3 play into the matter of forgiveness -- and you clearly recognize how big a role control (lack of it) plays. I hope you can forgive YOURSELF for being human. Ultimately, forgiveness is not really ours to confer. If you've done the best you can for now, you can rest, breathe, and allow your higher power to fill in the rest.

Hugs back!!

Oh that word. FORGIVENESS. If you figure it out, let me know.

Our abuser was the paternal g'father. "Justice" has been served, as he is in prison for 50 years. He was 70 when he went in so he will never get out.

But forgiveness? I guess my progress lies in the fact that I WISH I held the power to do so. Whereas before, I flat out wanted to physically harm him and end his life.

I truly hope you find the power of forgiveness. Because I know the effect of not being able to.

Hugs to you.

Thank you both... Been a rough patch for sure. I will continue on believing it is better than to have never begun. Progress not perfection. One day at a time.

Unsticking myelf.

Hugs.

I don't know why everyone is so insistent on forgiveness. I don't think I can ever forgive My daughter has so many problems triggered by the abuse that she will have to deal with for the rest of her life.It will affect her relationships,her employers,children and she will likely be in therapy for her entire life.I don't think parents who have abused children have it in them to forgive and I also think God understands.The abuse also took my daughters faith from her.She was always involved in church activities and had a strong faith, but now she claims she is an aethiest.

That's what it feels like hopeful truly that it isn't in me. It is easier to forgive what's been done to me. But because this is my daughter that's where it feels like it's so hard. It's all the things that it caused to her to my family. So much widespread pain.

But the flip side is I have to move on... So how do I do that and not let what he did eat at me. How do I get a reasonable amount of peace.

It seems a mystery to me now. But maybe someday I'll figure it out.

For me forgiveness was possible. I get alot of flack here which is why I don't have a huge presence. I didn't forgive him myself i had help from a one who lives inside of me. I'm a follower of Christ and he wouldnt have hated our perp, he would've cried and forgiven him just as he forgave those who beat and nailed him to a cross. Do i make excuses for the man who hurt my daughter,.... nope..... there will be justice, but that too is out of my hands. Gods justice is vastly different from our perceived human justice. Our culture influences our perception on what justice is. If we humans truly got what we deserved, we would forever be separated from God. AS for child molesters in the bible, the only sin that is unforgivable is the sin of blasphemy. By default all other sins are covered by Jesus death on the cross.

God doesn't allow these things to happen. There is a misconception that God will step in anytime evil happens. If he did that, it would taking away our right to choose. Our free will would be gone, we would be robots that don't have the ability to make our own choices. There is evil in this world and everyone's life will be touched by it at some point or another. How i react to that evil, is a test of character. What kind of person am i going to be? like the person who my daughter and I? or am i going to be the person that lives by what is otherwise known as the Golden rule "treat others as you want to be treated"
God doesn't "Let" evil happen, he could stop it..... but chooses not too, because he gave us a choice. When it does happen, hes there for us to work things out for his good.

I HATE what happened. When i tell my story, i become a puddle on the floor. my heart breaks all over again. Ive had 1.5 years of tremendous growth as a person, as a mother, as a wife, as a friend. This has changed me, I'm not bitter, I'm not angry. My child, yes she will have to learn to not let this consume her, and she doesn't. she learns to react by watching my lead. If i am bitter and angry and walk around playing the poor me, she will follow right along because im her mother, I'm here to teach her. She learns to behave by how i behave. Life can be painful, and its heartbreaking children are exposed to it. How we deal with pain ...... determines our future. determines my child's future. I choose to trust in God, that no matter what this world throws at me, hes got my back and will help me through the pain whatever the evil in this world throws at me.
And yes i know what my daughter has been through. I was once her. I wish someone had taken me aside as a child and taught me what it really meant to forgive, because it would saved me 30+ years of heartache and destructive behavior.

I'll leave it to God to deal judgment. No need to have a relationship with abusers or abusive individuals or those that tolerate abusers.

Don't see that helping me or my daughter. I do hope she follows in my steps. I was taught way too much tolerance toward abuse behavior.

So, I'm probably going out on a limb here, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, nor do I think I know more than someone else. But I've learned so much going thru this event in our lives, and since it involved 2 people from our church, it made me do A LOT of research about church and the/my Christian faith. It's so important to make sure Biblical scripture has truthful exegesis applied to it. The 1st 3 rules of this are context, context, and context. Lusks is right, in the first example of Naive's first link above, the Numbers 31 excerpt is not talking about little girls. The background of this is that Moabite Midianites instigated by Balaam, a wicked prophet working against God, seduced the Israelites into worshiping Baal (a capital offense), so a brief but fierce military campaign is launched against them. Normally women are spared, but the Midianite women had seduced the Israelite men to perform whatever it is they do within a worship of Baal, so the women were included in the killing, as were the male children, to eradicate those who were trying to destroy the worship of God. The female children were spared and raised within the Israelite community to later marry Israelite men. This is just one of many wars that happened throughout the Old Testament that are examples of spiritual warfare upon God's people on earth. The next example from Deuteronomy 20 is also not talking about sex with children at all. In traveling toward the Promised Land, God was guiding the Israelites through hostile territories, and He instructed them to offer terms of peace to the cities and tribes they would come upon. If no peace but war was returned to the offer, God would help the Israelites, even though they were smaller in number, to fight fiercely and prevail over the men only, and whatever was left (the spoils or plunder of war) was to be taken in to be cared for and enjoyed by the Israelites because God gave it to them through the defeat of those who warred against them.

I won't go through every example, I'm sure you get the picture. I've found that the ESV (English Standard Version) Study Bible has phenomenal historical explanations and cross referencing. Here's a link that answers the question of whether pedophilia is in the Bible: https://www.gotquestions.org/pedophilia.html

BUT, to address the original post regarding forgiveness, IT'S...... SO...... HARD!!! It took me a v e r y l o n g t i m e to get there. I do agree with what lonelyandunsure wrote above. I am sure that offenders will be dealt with at the write time in the right way, maybe not that I will see here on earth...

Ugh, I wish this site had an edit feature... "right time" aarrgghh

Yikes, I wish I was able to keep from responding, but can't let this one go: "Nor was Jesus" ??? He's God, the 2nd person of the Trinity, the Old Testament is loaded with types and shadows of him, in preparation for him....

I have deleted most of my comments above, specifically those involving biblical interpretation and whether it mentions child sexual abuse as a crime. I am here for help, and in support of others who are enduring the unbearable.

Those who are striving to forgive perpetrators: if it helps you to feel whole, if it doesn't make you feel worse about yourself because it's so difficult to forgive, AND if your need to forgive doesn't mean further endangering your children, then more power to you.