Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group

This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !

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bonnieboo11 09/18/2015

For the first time since my daughter disclosed her cousin violated her I feel,well, somewhat less foggy.I have accepted what happened I guess and am trying to move past this horrible thing.I still have my moments, I just burst out crying sometimes but mostly things are back to normal.My inlaws have been out of town for 2 weeks and the funny thing is no drama, no stress and I notice it in my daughter too.She is relaxed, for the most part.She asked me a question though and I am not sure how to answer,she asked me what to call what happened to her, I say she was violated, somehow it sounds nicer, if that makes sense.But I really don't know what to call it,actually I don't want to call it anything.it disgusts me. But anyway it feels good to feel ok again,well kinda ok.I imagine this kind of thing affects us for a long time, maybe forever.

cathymathy 09/18/2015

Im sorry...but i forgot what actually happwned?

bonnieboo11 09/20/2015

Well I found out a little more than she first confessed.Her cousin trapped her in a room and at first she said he put his hand down her shirt, but then she told me he "stayed down there awhile" I am assuming she means he fondled her breasts.He tried to reach down her pants but she yelled for his mom.After that he squeezed her butt whenever they hugged goodbye.She also said he talked sexually to her but she does not remember what it was,probably because she does not know those kind of words,

lovesmama 09/20/2015

I would call is sexually molested her... Because that is what he did... Why do you need to make it sound nice...??? It wasn't nice for her to have to go through? I say call it what it is, give her the validation of hearing the truth of his actions, violated works as well but the truth is he sexually molested her... And that is a violation of her rights to privacy!

I'm so glad that your feeling better. I know how much easier it is to just not be in contact with the offending family members who "support" the perp because i cut out my own mother and it was like a masive calm after a hurricane..!! I continue to remain estranged from my family and it has been 3 years... It has been so helpful and healing for my daughter as well as for me...!!!

I wish that you continue to feel the peace and calm and that you continue on your healing path

Big hugs...

bonnieboo11 09/20/2015

I guess I say violated for me,but you are right, I shouldn't make it sound nice. My mother in law will be home Thursday and I am sure she will call me.We have not spoken since the school shopping incident, and since I told a family member who she did not want told.I wonder, is it ever possible to heal from this? I was a victim of a sexual crime years ago and although I don't think about it often, it is still there.The man was never caught so I had no closure, but this is different, this happened to my 9 year old little girl, who already had anxiety issues. What a terrible terrible thing.

lovesmama 09/21/2015

I hear you... I am a victim of sexual abuse as a child as well... It is devistating and life changing...!!! However I've been in therapy since my daughter disclosed 3 years ago and I have made tramendous progress on my own healing path... Healing will be a life long journey for me... I will never be healed... But I will always be healing. Does that make any sense? When my daughter was raped by my brother it was almost more painful than having been raped myself, I know that sounds crazy but having been through it I knew exactly what my daughter was experiencing and I felt all her pain and anguish as well as the pain of being her mother the one person who was supposed to protect her from this and having failed to do that... I wanted to end my own life that is how awful I felt... But I've come a long way from that dark place, and I've watched my daughter grow and heal and like me she will never be healed but I see her doing so well and being so strong that I just know that she will thrive not just survive... And I also know how much she needs me to heal from my own abuse and trauma... She will look to me as an example of an adult with a sexual abuse history and she will see how I manage my pain and the trauma from my past... I truly hope I will be an example for her, and this hope leads me further down the healing journey every day...!!! DBT has been very helpful to me, that is Dialecticle Behavioral Therapy... That is what my counselor does with me and that has been the most effective method for me... I've tried EMDR and HATED it and I've tried other methods of counseling but DBT is the best method for me as it focuses of grounding and staying present and making schedules and plans for the future. I would be lost without my counselor and I always recommend that other mothers seek the guidance and support of a counselor trained in sexual abuse and trauma to help them navigate the dark waters that surround you after your child discloses abuse...
Best of luck to you... And in my humble opinion, stay away from anyone who is not 100% supportive of you and your daughter..!!!!
Big hugs

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