Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
Has anyone else struggled with feelings of guilt after reporting their perpetrators? I think the place I'm struggling the most is now that I understand that a lot of what the kids did started with the adults I feel really bad about ruining their lives by reporting them when they didn't really have a chance because that's how they were brought up from the time they were little tiny people. I'm also struggling with the Fallout of the two older children who are adults... One of whom has recently become engaged and I can only imagine what would happen to that relationship with her parents getting in trouble for sexual abuse of minors... And she's really sensitive young woman anyways so I know she's going to take this extremely hard and not have anyone to lean on because obviously her family is the people she's upset about. I have a little more compassion for Monster boy after learning that the adults truly were the teachers of this Behavior and such amazing sociopathic Liars. I don't know I'm just sharing kind of what's been going through my head but it's made me feel like I'm in a funk thinking through how the individuals are going to react to the new police reports if they pan out. I know logically I had to do this because it was the right thing to do that's not the problem. The problem is that I knew this family intimately and still to a certain extent have love for them and all their individualities. Feeling so sad.
When we received the "guilty" verdict from our trial, the first thought that popped into my heard was "What did I do?".
I felt so conflicted. I should be happy that our abuser is going to prison. But I didn't. I felt hurt. Guilt. Horror. Fear. Sadness. So many things that didn't make sense to me.
I talked to my therapist about it and was assured all of my feelings were perfectly normal.
Our abuser is my husband's father. After the abuse came out the family was divided. The uncles even wrote letters to the court in defense of the abuser as a character witness. One of those uncles was caring enough to reach out directly to us. After hearing what happened, he opened up about the abuse he and his brothers (included my husband's father) had suffered.
It made me sad. But I still can't find it in my heart to forgive him.
In your case, those children now have the chance to stop the vicious cycle. It is extremely sad, the world we live in.
I do know that there can be extremely negative outcomes for the accused, even if they are not jailed. One of the things that happened during the year since my daughter's disclosure was that a cousin of mine (who years ago had made a plea bargain to avoid trial in a child sex abuse case) committed suicide by drug overdose. I really haven't processed his death very much -- instead of mourning him, I've just wondered whether he was guilty or not and then wondering what made him do the things he did. Maybe if someone had intervened with him earlier (assuming there were signs) his life may have turned out differently.