Yes we in the US think universal health care everywhere is wonderful.I grew up in Buffalo,near Canada who has universal healthcare and there's was horrible,6 month wait to get care,sitting g in the Emergency room for days,people would cross the border to get care here in the US.That is what I told everyone when Obama care passed.I am almost 3years from disclosure and it's still hard.All I can say is hang in there and support your daughter,that is so much more important than therapy,don't get me wrong therapy is important but if you read survivor stories the support from from family was so important to healing!

awww hopefulmama thank you xxxx........I remember you from when I first came here.........it is so good to hear from you, and read others who I know from here........I don't have family, but I know I must be strong for my daughter......I am all she has.......I know there is another site on here about survivors but I haven't dared go there yet........do you go? what do you think?

Health coverage debate aside, what would happen if you saw a private therapist? It looks as if you can find one affordably in the UK (unlike in the US -- private therapy without insurance can cost well over $150 per session): https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/counselling/. You may be able to find one who can charge you according to a sliding fee scale. You should definitely look into EMDR, if you have not done so. It has been amazingly helpful for my whole family.

That said, I have often mentioned here how this website has saved my life. I call the people here the best friends I never met. There is nothing like being accepted, believed, and able to discuss your situation without the fear that others might not "get it."

It is not at ALL unusual to be "not ok" three years past disclosure, or even five. I'm at 5.5, and am more settled, very rarely still fantasize about blowing up the perpetrator's house and/or telling his esteemed colleagues about what he did to my daughter two decades ago. I have seen my daughter progress since she disclosed to us as an adult. That has helped enormously with my own healing. Likewise, every effort I have made to find my own healing has benefitted hers. It takes a lot of work, and steady practice to get here, and the timeline for healing is going to be different for everybody, for very diverse reasons. As hopefulmama said, hang in there. Better is on its way.

Thank you so much Naive.........some days I am ok now........can also be ok for days at a time, but sometimes I regress, and that is so hard........I feel such a failure........particularly as a mother.........I do not blame myself for the abuse exactly, but I can't believe I had a baby, with some-one I thought I loved, who could do what he was doing........I hate myself for this........I feel a complete failure......and society is kinda supporting my feelings........"You gotta be strong for your daughter" "Thought you'd be ok by now" "You just need to move on" ........the court case was the worst......that was what finally broke me........NOT GUILTY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am dogged by flashbacks and feel revulsion at the thought of intimacy.........my dd is not in school at the moment.........I am home edding her.........the HE community is nice, and I don't feel the pressure of mainstream interventions which just made every-thing worse..........but the pressure of one to one with my dd is demanding...........I am scared to seek medical support........last time I tried the counsellor called child social services 'to help'...........it was an absolute nightmare.........I have not been in a financial position to go private..........but I know I have PTSD........I did get treated for depression, but its a different condition, and although depression is an element, the SSRI's are only very slightly beneficial.........I have read about the therapies........I beleive they help some people, and I am willing to try any-thing............I really don't know if my dd is ok or not..........tbh I think she is more affected by me being affected.........I can't hide it from her, she is now 8 yrs old and we are together all the time.......we even sleep together...............I love coming here.........I don't feel alone........I don't feel judged...........when I read other people's stories I feel so sorry for them, but I know I am not suffering alone which helps my feelings of isolation.