Sorry about the typos.
One more thing....my MIL has not asked how the kids are in months. Find it very strange, even in a couple emails to my husband about family members dying, she didn't say how are the kids? I miss them...or anything. Excuses for no lie detector test and not asking about the other two...acting guilty to me. I think my husband is starting to face it. Progress. His dad is sick and not the saint he thought he was.

how did my mom miss it....we did things literrally right behind her back. it became a game. she would turn around and my stepgrandfather would french kiss me or we would touch eachother. she never caught on. as an adult it now angers me because i carried those habits into adulthood. it wasnt fun or normal unless we were being sneaky or cheating on someone or doing stuff in the very next room. as an adult i hurt so many people by my actions which i have now outgrown. i had help from friends who knew my background and of who i had hurt to point things out that i was doing with out even thinking. then i started to notice it more myself. that was not the person i wanted to be. i wish my mom payed closer attention and noticed the behavior and had DONE SOMETHING about it maybe i would have noticed it in my own family by my own children. i hope that through all the counceling that i have them in it will help them be the right kind of people instead of the ones that continue to cause pain and find enjoyment in because it became an evil twisted game that hurt so many people. thanks for letting me vent.

MommaKL,

Sorry to hear about your struggles and I hope they can get better with time. I hope your aware I'm a partner to an adult survivor who was abused by her her brother. I'm not so sure how old your children are who don't know happened to their older sister but I wan to share an experience with my daughter.

My 21 year old daughter told me last week when her and I were talking about her mothers emotions. My daughter said to me "Dad why did you and mom wait so long to tell us about Clark" We told our children when our twins were 17 and their older brother was 24. She went on to say that her and her brothers feel we should have told them at an earlier time.

I don't know when the best time to tell our children is but I can tell you that I've talked to many partners and we all struggle with what age is appropriate to tell them. I do know that regardless of whether you choose to tell the younger children or not, your angel who was abused should NEVER have to look at the face of her abuser. Anything you can do to keep her away from him should be your first priority.

Take Care !!!!

my lil angel's abuser was her 14 year old brother. he is now in durango awaiting placement at a facility. he is never allowed to see her or contact her. the other day i recieved a letter for her. they were pictures he colored for her. i have not given them to her. she tells me all the time how she misses her brother and that she forgives him for what he did to her. i had it on top of the fridge and looked right now....it has been opened. damn i thought i had it out of reach. i should have thrown it away. i think i did a boo boo. should i take his pictures off the wall? he calls me on sundays and my kids know its him when i step outside. they cry to talk to him but i dont let them. i have to keep them in my view at all times because cps says i can never let them be alone together shes 7 and hes 3. i have to follow such a strict plan or i lose them.

also please dont hate me...i started using meth in order to cope..taking her to all her appt.s , going to court for my son, being ok everday since it all came to light. not your typical drug user though. i did eveything i was supposed to anmd then some. they recently did a dependancy hearing for my children and it was ordered that from my past history of use (which i was pretty bad the exact opposite of this time) that i do a hair follicle test , drop random ua's , and if needed drug abuse classes. i've been clean over 2 weeks on my own then they hit me up with this. i might still lose my two children that i have left. we will see. in the meantime im doing everything asked of me and working. and taking care of my children being supermom minus the drugs. im on so many meds for bipolar depression anxiety panic attacks mood disorder ptsd. but im ok. i keep telling myself that. now the dad who dicthed me the last time around with cps wants to be there for us this time and be a family yet he is using on his own. im so disappointed. he was the love of my life. but i feel i should give it a try after ge sobers up and the courts and cps get him on track. hes a good guy. way older than me but a good guy. sometimes it feels like i have a father figure not a partner . i called him old man last night and he said isnt that what your used to. i was crushed. he said stop calling him old man and he would stop saying what he was saying. what an ass. am i one to? aaaahhhnhh. im so confused sometimes.

MommaKL, I feel for you. The last 3 1/2 years we've been coming up with the new normal and new family traditions. In all honesty the first year we were just winging it, but it was amazing how fast my children started thinking of our new found ways as tradition. Eventually you will have to tell your other children as they will find out on their own somehow, but trust that you will know when they are ready to hear it.

Mylil angel the best thing you can do for your children is get help for the meth use. That is a horrible drug, my daughter was addicted for a while, and you will not be the best mom you can be on drugs. Pray you will get
the help you need.
Thank you Tom. My daughter will never lay eyes on him again, trust me. I would never do that to her. Right now my youngest daughter is in counseling to see if anything could of happened to her.
Thank you Woulddoitagain. New traditions can be a good thing. I never liked spending the time with the inlaws anyways.
I know they will find out one day. My husband doesn't want to tarnish all the good memories they have with their grandparents. Going to listen to the counselors about it as we go through this process. They will probably not believe that their saint of a Grandpa could do that. Sick!!!

Momma Kay, My feelings are different. I feel not telling them is not right, they need to know the truth and not telling them is like protecting the abuser and your husband. I dont belive in keeping secrets of this magnitute. THey may have had good memories but when they find out they will be mad you kept it from them. Just my opinion, I know its tough

Mylilangel, I have to agree 100% with mommaKL. We all have things we aren't proud of, but the only way to really help your children and be there for them is to stay clean. If they do not take your children, it may still be a good idea to go to the substance abuse classes - if not for yourself, do it for your kiddos. They need you right now more than ever. And if you can't stay clean for them, they may see it as you choosing the drugs over them and abandoning them. I'm not trying to be mean, I'm trying to be honest. My daughter's friend is going through this right now with her mother. You can do this.

MommaKL...waiting too long may cause hurt feelings with them. but as a parent you will know when it's time. It may actually help you find out for sure if anything happened with your younger daughter. If she knows her older sister told, she may be more willing to either open up or express her shock. It may also help them understand the changes in holiday traditions.
As for the Easter celebrations, do you have any community activities going on? We have a fundraiser going on that weekend that I volunteered to help with on Saturday and the kiddos can play and have a great time. After Sunday's Easter service, I am taking them to our local hospital's annual Easter Egg Hunt and Community Picnic, then out to watch a movie. It's going to be busy, but should be fun. And once again, I get to dodge the "why aren't we allowed at Granny's for Easter" question. Stay strong hun. It's not fair, but it's something that can be overcome. I continue to pray for you, your family, and your situation. (((HUGS)))