Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group

This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !

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bonnieboo11 08/30/2015

Hello everyone, first I want to say I am feeling much better after the great advice I received from everyone.I am going to stop trying to control the actions of others and concentrate on myself.Anyway, school starts Tuesday (most people love the back to school time, not me, I will miss the sleeping in,lazy days)I am wondering if I should tell the teachers.My daughter has had anxiety issues since the start and also ADHD so we do have a 504 plan in effect for her.The school counselor has become a big part of my daughter's support system as well as mine too. I am pretty sure I will tell her, here is my question.Is she obligated to again report the abuse? Since we already have tried and were told it was not reportable do I tell her that?Not that I really care but to keep going over this again and again is frankly tiring and upsetting. These laws are so vague and how can anyone possibly understand them,every state is different,It should be simple, you touch a child you get punished,it's not rocket science!Actually a lot of her anxiety is explained by the abuse,afraid of being locked in the bathroom stall and not getting out,loud noises, ect.She is very jumpy when someone reaches out and touches her or brushes up against her. Since she is now in 6th grade I am wondering if this is her thing to tell and to who?

cathymathy 08/30/2015

I am not sure why we feel the need to "tell" others...i wemt through this some time ago and realized it was because it made ME feel relief. ..not my daughters....and in some cases it became apparent they were "VIEWED" differently. ..if the ciunselor is aware of her behavioral issues then perhaps you should play it by ear...one dau at a time. I personally have discovered not all of my girls growing pains were directly created by the abuse...it had alot to do with family prrssutes and issues, letting go of how you feel and understanding how she feels takes alot of time and patience on parents side especially after disclosure. At times i created more stress by what i was feeling rather then on them. Their molestation was much more than one touch.

mobley4100 08/30/2015

That is something that you have to decide, and with your daughter being older, it could be something to discuss with her. Unless their is an issue - her teachers wouldn't need to know. I would address it with her counselor who you obviously have a relationship with and ask for her advice. Did you ever call CPS yourself to report it, or did you just rely on what the counselor said. If it has already been reported, I don't think anyone at the school would be required to report again - but if it has not been reported to CPS, they may feel like they need to make a report. I guess not knowing what has happened exactly in your case, I wouldn't really know what you should do. Who told you it was "not reportable"? Did you call the child abuse hotline? I think your last sentence may be key - it may be her thing to tell.

lusks1 08/31/2015

I did inform my children's teachers. I wish I didn't have to. My son changed his name after disclosure because he was named after his abuser. People tend to no grasp the seriousness of his request since he was only 8 years old. I have found that in order for them to respect his wishes, I have had to stress firmly, using his experience as an explanation.

Also, I have had to explain the situation because I received a call from his counselor at school. During a class on "good touch bad touch" the class was asked to place a bandage on a body part they had been touched or hurt. He put it on his penis. She is a mandatory reporter and had to report it. They saw that it had already been reported.

I am now trying harder to keep this on a need to know basis. All 3 of my kids suffer anxiety and have triggers. I am trying to find a good way to explain to those that witness the meltdowns without disclosing the truth.

rmbadger 08/31/2015

I spoke with my daughter's therapist about this. She said that it can be helpful to tell the teacher, but to ask that it not go in her records and that she keep it confidential. I decided not to say anything yet, to wait and see if there are any issues this year and deal with it then. Since the school is already aware of her ADHD, I think it's okay to wait it out and then if an issue arises, deal with it then.

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