Oh I know how you feel I also work in the nhs I look after people day in day out and feel my empathy levels slip, I try to keep a smile on my face and listen to how bad things are and I'm also thinking god I'd swop places with you instantly. How do you fancy my life for a day? Then I smile chat to them and make them feel like I understand how bad things are for them.
Then move onto the next one.
Our empathy and compassion will return it's why we do these jobs !! Xx

We are totally different people. Our children have been abused. We have to take one day at a time, no more, no less. Our lives have been shattered and it takes time to get to that "new normal'" But with time I know it will come for all of us. What matters most to us is that our children survive this horror and if they can survive it, we can. You are not a terrible person, but you have been hurt terribly. None of us should ever have had to go thru this but we all know life can be so cruel. But I also believe there will be a light at the end of this long tunnel and one day your compassion will return. Sending hugs.

Your empathy is still intact!! But at the moment, you need it all to yourself. Consider all of the countless hours you've spent lovingly tending to the needs of others. You didn't know it at the time but you were building great credit, and now it's time for you to cash in! All of your training will kick in and you will remain calm and professional at your job. For the time being, you may not be as smiley as you were before, but no one will have any complaints about your competence as a caregiver. That's enough for now. Every other spare second belongs to you. You can use that time to meditate, or just to focus on your breathing. You'll go for therapy and for walks and to get a cup of tea. Maybe you'll sketch something, or knit a scarf for next fall, or play solitaire online. This really is time to practice being good to yourself, guilt free.

Keep writing here, too, and you will find a meaning to your life you hadn't expected at all. You will be heard and consulted here by people who understand just exactly how bad your "bad day" has been.

I promise you,, by taking care of yourself, you will become an even better advocate for your children. It's going to happen.

I know exactly what you mean about facebook.......posts reflect 'normal' lives......we are now so different from them.....I can't relate to people any-more, and they can't relate to me.....I thank god I am no longer in the caring professions (self employed now) I don't know how you carry on coping......well done....you are strong and very brave xxxxxxxxx

my friend was complaining about other drivers in the school
bus parking lot. All i could say to her was ..."in the grand scheme of things your biggest piss off is bad drivers ".... what i would give to trade lives with her.

I had this exact feeling today. I am a kindergarten teacher and I find myself good with the kids, but not doing so well being patient and showing a grace towards my co-workers. I too hoe to regain some of my pep and feel like my normal self. Thank you Brokenmother for bringing this topic up tonight.

How wonderful to see people still responding to my post. I haven't posted on here for a while. I'm still broken and feel like I'm failing almost everyday. I need to come on here more often.

One of the effects of trauma is that it changes our vision of the world. We lose our "innocence" and see everything in relation to our trauma (the abuse of our children). We mistrust and we wonder, almost constantly, how can other people complain about silly things. I believe it is normal to put other things (like our empathy for others) in standby while trying to recover our balance (emotional, cognitive, physical, familiar, etc.). I often discuss with my EMDR therapist about this apparent "problem" of changing our view of the world. She wants me to trust again, to relax, to stop relating other issues to my own, private drama as a non offending parent. But I have to confess that I believe this "new vision" that I acquired about the world and about other people problems (like their difficulty in finding a parking lot at the school, etc) is in fact MORE ACCURATE. The world DOES include PREDATORS, grandparents (and grandmothers) raping their baby grandchildren, filming them being abused and sharing the videos with the world (as they did with my babies), that IS REALITY, not a distorted view of the world. In this world there are LOTS of silly people complaining about silly things because they do not know what could happen, or maybe is happening already without them knowing. So, dear Brokenmother, let me tell you: I do not feel you are broken. You are renovated, as a consequence of unbearable pain. Your are more clever, more alert, more aware, more resilient. Yes, you are hurt, you have suffered the worst thing every mother could imagine: the hurst (humiliation, aggression, destruction) of her child. I have seen the reaction of many animals (female) when their offspring is attacked (hurst or killed) by a predator. they get "crazy", they see no limits and just attack back to protect their babies. And if the offspring dies, they mourn. They distrust. Because now they know the truth: the world is a really dangerous place. The key for us humans is to try to still find joy, sense, purpose and peace in this world. We are here, we have to make the most of it. So will our children. But it is clear to me: it is NORMAL to see things as they really are: tragic.

I'm a nurse too, your words really resonate with me. I do something totally different now-- domestic abuse advocate.

I can't believe how many times I've said "first world problem" to people, or started singing Let It Go. I'm sure I ticked some people off, but even tho there are still some rare tough days 7 1/2 yrs from disclosure, I do feel like I have a more accurate grasp of what's really important. I wish I could have learned it without my kids paying such a high price. But they are all doing really well, and have a more accurate view of things in their lives that most of their peers don't have...

I'll go back and read the other comments, but I just wanted to say that I completely empathize with you. I work in a field where empathy is CRUCiAL to helping people...and I'm really struggling. When coworkers complain about trivial, stupid stuff, I feel like I send them daggers with my eyes. And I reeeeally have a tough time when pregnant women speak about how they're going to protect their babies forever.....I guess it just reminds me of my own naïve self when I was pregnant. I'm having a very tough time, and I completely empathize with YOU <3