Dh and I were on our way to buy a new mattress and on the way I had a huge dummy spit. He said something which really set me off. I feel as though no matter how much I change it's never enough. I've stopped trying to work through my own abuse as there is always some crisis with one of the girls to work through. I'm wrung out, and not even my counsellor seems to get that. I told dh that I'm sick of having to change all the time. I often feel as though it's me who does all the changing which makes me angrier. I haven't blown up like I did yesterday in months. Sometimes I feel like just walking out on everyone if I'm that much of a problem. Dh said that because I have changed so much, when I do slip back into old patterns it really sticks out. Was that a compliment? I just wanted to hit him.

I have spent most of the last week in tears over one thing or another. Dd finally saw the psychiatrist and I could have smacked him. As soon as he found out I'd home schooled the children he looked at my daughter and told her that I have trust issues. It went downhill from there. Apparently after I walked out so that dd and he could talk he admitted he had really blown the beginning of the consultation. An apology to me would have been nice. Apart from the lousy beginning dd found him to be very good.

Youngest dd is struggling with depression, self-harm and eating. Oldest dd brought up some things which I have done that have obviously really hurt her. Working through all of these things in less that a week and more besides has been exhausting. I do want to work on things with my counsellor but am feeling very vulnerable right now and pulled in so many directions. Will be interested to see how dh goes with his counsellor today. Dh steps in when there is a crisis but otherwise it is me dealing with things on a daily basis.

Sorry about the dump. I know that you all have your own struggles. Hugs to all.