I know how you feel, my daughter's abuser is happily in boy scouts,leads a group of boys(ugg), went to florida on vacation this summer,is getting his drivers license soon and does not have a care in the world.I am angry everyday.Be kind to yourself,it is all we can do

I'm so sorry for all you are going through, it's horrible how this changes how we view every experience we go through, and even our thoughts about past ones. I'm not liking what you're saying about your counselor. Maybe you need to try someone else. I know several people who have had EMDR, my one son included, and from what I understand it is not a 1st choice therapy; it is for those diagnosed with PTSD who are unresponsive to other therapies, and it's not for everyone. It's also not for closure, it's for learning how to change views and feelings about the anxiety, flashbacks, etc, so that you can control how intense the anxieties, flashbacks, etc are and how they interrupt or affect how you handle challenges and situations in your everyday life. It usually takes a long time to get to the point of going through a day with very few interrupting thoughts and feelings, and I wouldn't claim there's ever "closure."

BUT, the very best you can do for your daughter is to find times when she's not around to let out your emotions, and try to carry on in a positive and constructive way when you're with her so she sees you modeling being a survivor, and still celebrating all of her firsts and successes in life; she so deserves that, and so do you. Create new hobbies and memories, and only give the horrible stuff only so much time and energy. I know this is so much easier said than done. Hoping you can find a healing path for you and your daughter, and glad you're reaching out here for support...

Agree with both comments above. My radar also went up when I read your therapist's approach to EMDR. It is not at all in keeping with what I understand to be the purpose of that therapy (which I have found helpful with flashbacks). EMDR is not about getting closure (which means what, really, when dealing with a chronic condition like PTSD?).

From http://www.emdr-therapy.com/emdr-faq.html, here's how EMDR is supposed to work:

"EMDR allows a client to process an emotional experience that he/she cannot yet talk about, yet following a EMDR session find an ability to talk about it freely. Most importantly, it can eliminate stress surrounding the traumatic event, with the purpose of allowing new life in the once traumatized and emotionally difficult memory."

That's not closure, in the sense that most people think of closure -- like, "ah, that's over now, all is well, and now I can get on with life without ever thinking of what happened again." Nope -- not gonna happen.

This is such a long, slow process, lotus. Here I am, three and a half years after disclosure of crimes that happened nearly 20 years ago, still dealing with the aftershocks. Part of my reason for returning to this site is because I believe everyone who comes here should be met with belief and acceptance (such as I found when I arrived), but part of it is because helping others deal with these crimes allows me to process everything that's happened to me. Therapy won't "heal" you, but it can be a very helpful part of the process, and it's worth your time to investigate different therapists who are EMDR certified. Beyond therapy, rediscovering your interests, as Bandmom suggested, will help you remember why you still matter as an individual.

Many hugs.

The comment about closure was just my perception of what EMDR is (hearing what the counselor said, and reading online)..... it is just such a new concept to me so that is what I thought it is. The therapist seemed nice enough, but it felt like she really hadn't dealt with our situation, and wasn't familiar with other pieces of my past (religious). I found a group recently that helps victims of sexual abuse and close relatives to the victims. I'll be seeing a new counselor who knows exactly what I'm dealing with. Thank you for your comments.

The way my therapist helped me with EMDR was to deal with what was immediately present -- whatever piece of the fallout or flashback -- at a time, not to delve into the past to start fishing for "unprocessed" memories. I think that's too big a challenge; our brains will "volunteer" whatever is most important and ready to be dealt with. The process she used was to do the "both sides" physical part of the eye-movement therapy, and allow me to breathe, rate my stress level, etc., and then repeat the process with the same piece of the puzzle, often three or more times in the session. It was surprising -- each progression brought out a different reaction. I'd be panting with fear or anger one time, crying the next, and eventually, within each session, I would be able to think about that puzzle piece calmly. My therapist said I might not realize it, but the process would continue to sink in over the next 3-5 days or so, restoring calm slowly and deeply. I found this to be true.