This past couple of weeks has been rough on this mama.

If you remember in one of my earlier posts a couple weeks ago, I wrote about a father/daughter pair at a park we frequented that had made me feel very uncomfortbable.  My kids hadn't seemed to pick up on the red flags until I pointed them out, which REALLY made me nervous!  But after I had the review talk with them about personal boundaries, stranger danger, etc., my daughter has only gotten worse in regards to her anxiety.  The best way I could describe it is that she's in labor to disclosing about one/some of the adults who abused her.

She has begged me to not go back to that specific park, afraid to see the dad again.  So we go elseswhere.

Now, in public, she's become my overbearing shadow attached at my hip.  I'm bearing with it but attempting to help her use her brain's knowledge of her being safe now to our advantage by stretching her emotional strength...she's gradually attempting to do normal things in public again.  (I.e., stay with grocery cart while I grab this one item 5 feet away!)

She's having nightmares about an adult male perpetrator who hurts little girls including him having a "jail" that the girls go if "they don't do what he says."  Also about the dad from the park doing "inappropriate nasty & digusting things" to his daughter in the back seat of the car.

And the worse new symptom is that she keeps honing in visually on specific types of men and avoiding them like the plague, making horrified faces, acting jumpity, nervous, paranoid, etc.  For instance, we were at a thrift store, this one guy dressed in a suit was with a girl her age shopping.  I pointed out that I wondered where her parents were and to not go near him and she took that to the extreme, spying on this man, refusing to go in line or down isles he might be, etc.  Again, at a grocery store, man in casual clothes, same thing.  It seems to be middle-aged, white men, with hair, funky smiles and other than that, nothing in common.

She's basically told me that she's been processing through a "really old memory, one of the first ones" that she's not ready to share yet.

I've also overheard her stating Momster's name when she see's her brothers having anxiety...stating "is it a memory of monster boy, monster girl & Momster?!"

My baby girl is fearful, angry, struggling...and I can't do anything about it but wait patiently.

This is ON TOP of my little guy having his own extremely clingy anxiety lately...don't know about what yet...AND special needs son being very clingy because he's sick, so is daughter, and baby just had it.  And I have to still have a very intense sit-down boundary-setting conversation with my narcistic mother.  Don't get me wrong, I'm doing pretty well emotionally BUT I'm feeling a little claustrophobic!