What an incredible series of shocks you and your wife have suffered/are continuing to suffer. Thank God, your daughters now have a chance to suffer less and begin to heal. But how will you manage this enormous dysfunction? How will your family hang together after this? It's tough to predict. Many here have experienced interfamilial sexual abuse (my story is quite different) and will have their own words of comfort/guidance.

Your perception is true: the tunnel is very long. Longer now than you could have imagined even five years ago.

What kind of support do your daughters have? What support do you and your wife have? And do you have another suspect -- someone who may have introduced your sons to sexual abuse?

My heart goes out to you.

Our church has been a huge support system, but I'm finding its not enough, hence the reason I came here. My one son has been charged already. The two others have a hearing on Friday (tomorrow). Our phones are ringing off the hook with lawyers and such. Two of our boys are getting off with minor charges while the other is facing felony charges.

Our girls have been getting counseling via zoom since everything is shut down for the most part. Everything is just a whirlwind.

Just realized I don't know how to spell "devastated"

I'm glad to hear that your daughters are in counseling, and that you have the support of your church. This is a very lonely experience if you have no one nearby who knows what you're going through. And even with support, it's completely uncharted territory and the choices are yours to make, the heart is yours to break.

Your faith may provide all the meditative practice you need. If you need more, focus on your breathing. Breath deeply, hold on for a moment, and slowly release. Notice that you are here, now. This will help you move forward one moment at a time.

Are your children all still living with you? How are you ensuring your daughters' safety?

Probation got involved and the older boys are no longer at home. CPS basically closed the case as its being handled by the police and DA's office. One son has already been arraigned. The other two are tomorrow.

Oh, my heart goes out to you. I came here after finding out that my son had molested his 2 years younger sister five years previously, when they were tweens. We had CPS, police, DA, lawyers, therapists--phone calls, appointments, traumatic stuff to hear and read and process left and right. And with you having multiple sons and daughters all involved....

Are your daughters getting any counseling yet? Are you getting any support from a child advocacy center? All that can be tricky to navigate when you're involved with both sides of the case.

Feel free to send me a personal message (the envelope icon at the top) or just keep coming here and I'll keep checking in.

support-for-families.boards.net is where I've found the most support for dealing with my son's side of things. This is where I've found the most support online for understanding and helping my daughter.

oops just re-read that your daughters have gotten at least virtual counseling. How about you and your wife? One of the earliest staff we met with said that often a brother-sister situation is even harder on the parents than on the kids who are involved. I can't say that, as I've never been in my kids' shoes, but it is really important for you guys to get some professional support for yourselves, if for no other reason than so you can survive and be there for your kids, whatever that ends up looking like..

We're barely keeping it together. Non-stop phone calls from law enforcement, lawyers, court house, etc. I have a three-day weekend coming up and I'm hoping to recharge a bit.

I'm taking a lot of blame. I didn't have the relationship with my older boys like I should. When they were small I was too busy trying to put food on the table and get ahead in life. Now I have nothing to show for it. My family is shattered.

Notch, like my mom tells me, "Just keep breathing" One breath at a time if you have to, especially when the waves of grief and anxiety really hit.

I was able to take almost an opposite approach to parenting, I didn't have much of a career at all because I was an at-home mom for many years and really involved in my kids lives...but I am left in the same place, feeling that what I devoted my life to was a failure and the family I put so much of myself into is now gone. This can happen to anyone, no matter what your life circumstances or choices or parenting style. I know that won't stop you from feeling guilty and looking back to see where you could have prevented it if you'd known better. But it is still true.

Guilt is an integral part of our suffering, and it's generally unwarranted. It's one of ways a therapist or therapists can help you and your wife.

If it gives you any perspective on your "absence" because you were trying to support your family. I was a "stay-at-home" mom, present for almost every moment my children were awake, even, as a volunteer, when they were at school. Except when my daughter was with friends. Or not-friends, such as the friend's father who raped her. When my daughter disclosed this truth, 15 years after the fact, I, too, felt that I had clearly not had the close relationship I thought I had with my daughter, and that I had nothing to show for my hard work as a mom.

But that has turned out not to be the case. It has taken many years, complicated by our daughter's addiction, for us to reclaim the closeness that we had dreamed of when we first learned I was pregnant with that little angel. Get all the help you can. Grieve hard, breathe hard. Stay away from alcohol so you can be clear-headed and in control of your actions.

Be sure that your wife, too, is able to take advantage of the long weekend. Be ready to take turns with your breaks. You both need them.

Thanks for the replies. Two of my sons are due in juvi court in a few minutes. Due to work schedule, I will be on conference call and listening in. As I may have mentioned, my oldest was already arraigned earlier in the week. We just want this to be over so we can pick up the pieces and try to be a family again.

Weekends when courts, detectives, etc take time off can be a welcome bit of relief. Hope you can get some kind of rest.

I am so very sorry. Praying for your family.