Well, the bright side is that you still want to wake up! Hey, black humor for a blue Christmas....I get where you are. It's taken us three Christmases for Christmas to feel like Christmas again. Still, I woke up yesterday angry at the perpetrator.

None of us deserves this sense of loss at the holidays. We are hidden sufferers because we don't share our loss with many we know, so we need to reach out to each other here. I'm glad you did. I'm thinking of all my fellow moms/dads of survivors today.

Thank you Naive 1.2. your response has made me cry. I didn't think anyone would be on here today. I could never admit to anyone how much I miss who I thought he was and what I thought we had. I hate him deep down in my soul for what he's done to my baby but I now feel completely alone and half of who I thought I was is gone.

Ahhh I'm here too! Hugs. Had a little meltdown in the shower over missing my mom. We understand the heartache is real. It happens over time taking care of yourself and little pieces of happiness return. The first year I was a wreck crying alot and the second so much improved over previous years. But the sadness does linger just as the abuse has forever changed our lives. But I can add just a little bit of happiness every year.

Thank you. Just the trial to dread now before we can start to put this behind us

So sorry broken mother. I completely understand. Everything my ex said, everything we did together, all the "good" memories now seem like one giant lie. I wonder how a man can invest so much time and effort into a relationship with a woman and then throw it all away just to hurt her child. What goes on inside their heads? It's still unbelievable to me. Just last year my ex was thrilled to celebrate our first Christmas together as a family. He went all out, buying tons of presents for me and the kids. This year is so different. He's in prison and I am a single mom again. I wish you the best in the new year. I hope your trial is swift and 2017 brings you much healing.

Thanks music mommy. Those are the questions that run through my mind constantly. My ex stopped assaulting my daughter over 4 years ago but still aggressively persued staying in a relationship with me even when I tried to end it for other reasons. I just don't understand it at all. I do feel like our entire marriage was a lie and that he targeted me just to get to my daughter. It's the years after he stopped that I just don't understand why he remained so controlling and attached to me. He basically had control over my mind and body. I guess we'll never get that understanding and it's hard when you really can never get closure. I know there's nothing to understand because what he's done is so unbelievable and defies all logical

I too have been struggling through the week...both my hubby and I are still struggling to find joy in this season of despair and pain. We decided to give each child a 1on1 date with mom and dad. That was what we could give this year. We're worn out, tired and so needing a pause on the path of healing. Not only that but this is the 1st Christmas ever where none of my family is near...and my grandma is dead...and we didn't do anything with the local church that betrayed us...and we've decided to fully cut my dad/half sister out of our lives for safety purposes...so much! But the kids have been joyful! Through the anxiety and nightmare-laden nights they have filled our days with a lot of childhood happiness. Merry Christmas to all of us...even amongst the huge changes! <3

I'm so glad you are all here supporting me today. I even got the feeling from some family members that I wasn't happy enough for them this Christmas. Little do they know I'm hanging on to life by a thread

I can't imagine the pain of a spouse committing such a horrendous crime.i don't think anyone really knows,I asked my daughter's therapist that exact question since she specializes in this and even she has no answer,but I do believe your children know how much you support them and when they are older will know how hard it was.im very lucky that my husband is not the abuser and that he was strong enough to cut his family out of our lives and we are basically OK,I thought of you all yesterday and I hope the new year will be positive for all of us

Oh, Brokenmother, you weren't "happy enough" for your relatives? Forgive them for what they can't imagine. The revelation of sexual abuse is only the first in a long series of steps. Acceptance comes and goes as each new layer of pain is revealed: the initial shock, the lies we were told, the missed clues, the shredded happy memories. Those who are not in our position cannot imagine how deeply this corrodes the soul. This isn't the breaking of a bone, but the breaking of our hearts. It's not just an "event" that one can forget about in a few days, but a change in our identity. You are loved!!

I never truly grasped the truth behind the trite saying about walking in someone else's shoes until after learning about my daughter's molestation. Until you go through something like this you really can't understand the enormity and long lasting effects of it. I hate that we all have this common pain but it is helpful knowing that there are others that truly understand and can support each other. I pray for healing in 2017 for all.