Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
I have been searching about this issue for a long time, with no conclusive information so far: does any one know about the differentiated impact that child sexual abuse may have according to the age of the victim at onset? I know that each age corresponds to a development phase, thus interrupting that phase. I have read that the first three yeas of the life of a baby are determining for many developmental aspects, including brain architecture. Which means that my babies, aged 2/3 and 1 and half years old (approximately) at the onset of the abuses by their grandfather may have SERIOUS sequels in the future. Studies are contradictory, for some, the younger the worse, for others, the younger the better (given the chances for recovery). Some resilience experts such as neuro-psychiatrist Boris Cyrulnik affirm that brain structure can recover within a year given children neuronal / brain plasticity, if given the proper support (therapy, loving and stable family, etc.). At the same time, the closeness with the abuser (i.e. a trusted family member), the violence of the abuse (my sons where both raped), the chronicity and frequency of the abuse, the age difference between victim and perp (in my children case, more than 65 years of age difference)... Has anyone any information about the impact (and recovery prospects) regarding child sexual abuse in toddlers? Thank you very much.
Having said that, I started reading online & in books about this subject and found it only upset me more. So I stopped. What my child's psychiatrist and the D.A. told me is that generally speaking the main factors which determine the future of child sex abuse victims are 1) that the abuse stopped 2) contact with the perpetrator ceased 3) they know that abuse was not their fault 4) they know they did the right thing by disclosing 5) the relationship they have with their mother - loving, supportive, involved, encouraging. I'm sure there's a lot more complexity to this subject but for now that's all I can focus on and process.
Provide your sons a life in which they have very open communication with you so they are more likely to tell you their feelings, thoughts and if anything happens to them. I thought I had this with my son. I was a single mother to him for almost 6 years and thought things were so between he and I. I got married last July and we combined families into one household (my husband has sole custody of his 2 sons). In Dec my son disclosed that my 13 yo step son had been sexually abusing him. The abuse started when my son was 7 before we were all living together. The abuse was rape and forcible sodomy. Somehow my SS was able to undo the relationship I thougt I had with my son. However, Im doing everything I can to make sure that communication is never lost again.
My son is doing great and requires no more therapy at this time. The psychiatrist indicates no trauma. My son does not realize that what happened to him was sexual. When he's older and understands what sex and sex abuse is, I suspect that's when the real work will begin. For now he's happy that the abuse stopped, that it wasn't his fsult and that the SS is gone. As recommended by the psychiatrist i have him involved in activities to keep his self esteem up (pretty much anything he says he'd like to do: boys' gymnastics, breakdancing, etc). I don't just drop him off at these activities, I stay and watch and smile, take pictures and give him a thumbs up. I've signed up to be one of his scout leaders to stay involved. I will do everything and anything to help soften the blow for his future.
Sorry for the novel, we're only 3 months past disclosure so I can't provide you a future reference. I honestly suspect that your boys will be just fine considering how young they were when the abuse occurred.