Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
About 2 years ago it was discovered that my daughter was being sexually molested. I worry and struggle on a daily basis as I see her trying to fit in and be a "normal" kid...but it's tough for her. There is, besides the family therapist, no oneto talk to. No one who knows what we are going through. My family is very supportive but you can see they are uncomfortable and don't really understand. I've recently lost my job as I had to take a leave of absence due to my daughter's mental health. I worked for my family but they don't seem to understand it doesn't just go away. I just need to reach out to others that have been through similar tragedies. Someone who can relate. I hope this group can help and I can help others too.
Again...I have to race off. I will get back to you in a bit!
Tonight, we are attending a kid's group at a different location 30 minutes away while our monster perpetrators go to the same type 1 minute from our house. We used to go to our local one but THAT family went back on their promise to let us go after disclosures. We actually skipped a year because the kids were so broken up about not going to "their" group! My husband stays with my 4 year old in his group and I hover around where the other 3 kids disperse, while watching our baby. Today, both my 4 year old and daughter had REALLY BAd PTSD episodes of screaming..."no, no, No, NO!" to the invisible monsters in their mind...my little guy shared that scissors had been used on him. Each kids panic attack set the other one off. I had to beg, demand, hope and wait for those two to get dressed for swim class...which they finally did an hour later at the start time. They always feel so much better after swim but getting them there is so hard right now! And it's 5 min. away! I totally understand trying to help your kids get back to normal. How can we see our babies the same after we've learned they've been so sadisticly violated?! We can't...but we can fight so that the monsters don't take this win too!!!
The question is you, feeling alone and under-supported. That I get, too. My daughter's abuser was a neighbor, so I didn't have to worry about losing family members. But even some very supportive members of my family -- who are mental health professionals -- seem not to get the level of grief, anger, and guilt I have felt over the past 3.5 years, since disclosure. One even said of the abuser, "You must want to kill him," and laughed as if it were a joke. She's correct, but it's no joke. That's been a shock, too, for me, as I've been a peace activist, and to discover within myself this level of hatred and desire to cause pain has added to the corrosive effect of second-hand-survivorship. It makes me feel worse about myself, and more alone.
Have you sought therapy for yourself? It may be a challenge to pay for that, without a job, and a once-a-week appointment hardly fills the void of a week with no one to talk to about this (which is why I'm glad you've found this safe place to vent at 2:00am), but it's something, and it's just for you, because it sounds as if you've developed some PTSD too (we all seem to). There are lots of "at-home" therapeutic resources, too. I'll bump up a thread about why parents of survivors need therapy. Scroll down the first post for info on some guided meditation resources.
hopefulmamma i too volunteer for school events to try and be more involved with the other kids and parents. tomorrow is the party and i'm so nervous.
naive1.2 i luckily still have insurance and have gone to therapy. i also spend 10-15 minutes with my daughters therapist when she goes and she has been very helpful.
i will let you all know how it goes tomorrow so please send good thoughts our way....
Happy birthday to your daughter!
It is tough to do this at her speed. But I know she knows she is loved. That is the best I can do
As far as the weight is concerned, as I know this really holds her back socially, how do others handle it? We've been to a nutrionist, pediatric dietary specialists etc. How do you tell your child to stop eating when you know they are not hungry? I don't want to create an issue.