Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
We are days from the 7th anniversary of my son's disclosure. Thanksgiving 2007.., I've learned the triggers I've come to expect the outburst, the waves of unstable emotion, and the worst are ALWAYS the weeks preceding thanksgiving.
Due to the death of a my cousins young son, my son saw his abuser at the funeral. We debated on whether my son should be allowed to go, and after talking to his therapist (normally says under no circumstances should the abuser & abusee come into contact, but given the fact that my son was very close to his cousin the therapist thought it would be good to be able to say goodbye to his cousin) we left it up to him. His words were, "I'm going! I'm not letting that ... keep me from saying goodbye!" He was an emotional mess (I have to admit I was too) the days leading up to the funeral, too many reasons to count. Even with all the prepping seeing my BIL (abuser) was still a shock for all of us. My oldest son gasped & said "He's here!" even though we all knew he would be. I reminded all the boys, "Yes, but we already knew he would be. This day is not about him or us. This is about saying goodbye to someone we love. It's about supporting, comforting, and showing love for the part of our family that lost a child." I'm proud to say that all three of my boys handled theirselves with a great amount of strength, poise & dignity that day.
Now as I'm afraid to breathe, I keep waiting for those horrible waves that always hit this time of year. The ones that my son rides through thanksgiving until he watches the clock hit midnight. He always watches the clock, that darn clock. Midnight, a smile, the relaxed shoulders and the sigh, "I made it through another one". It always breaks my heart & yet I can't help but watch the clock at the end of that day with him. So he knows he's not alone. So I can watch him relax & live again
This year is different. I'm not witnessing his usual response. I think back to the funeral and wonder if it was a way of fighting back. A way of taking a part of himself back. For 7 years we have not attended any family functions that that side of the family would be at, and received much ridicule & been ostracized by many. A way of saying despite your best efforts, you did not destroy me.
I know I need to breathe and just be happy he is doing so well, but I'm scared. Scared that a bigger wave of emotion is about to unleash. Five more days...five more days.
Due to the death of a my cousins young son, my son saw his abuser at the funeral. We debated on whether my son should be allowed to go, and after talking to his therapist (normally says under no circumstances should the abuser & abusee come into contact, but given the fact that my son was very close to his cousin the therapist thought it would be good to be able to say goodbye to his cousin) we left it up to him. His words were, "I'm going! I'm not letting that ... keep me from saying goodbye!" He was an emotional mess (I have to admit I was too) the days leading up to the funeral, too many reasons to count. Even with all the prepping seeing my BIL (abuser) was still a shock for all of us. My oldest son gasped & said "He's here!" even though we all knew he would be. I reminded all the boys, "Yes, but we already knew he would be. This day is not about him or us. This is about saying goodbye to someone we love. It's about supporting, comforting, and showing love for the part of our family that lost a child." I'm proud to say that all three of my boys handled theirselves with a great amount of strength, poise & dignity that day.
Now as I'm afraid to breathe, I keep waiting for those horrible waves that always hit this time of year. The ones that my son rides through thanksgiving until he watches the clock hit midnight. He always watches the clock, that darn clock. Midnight, a smile, the relaxed shoulders and the sigh, "I made it through another one". It always breaks my heart & yet I can't help but watch the clock at the end of that day with him. So he knows he's not alone. So I can watch him relax & live again
This year is different. I'm not witnessing his usual response. I think back to the funeral and wonder if it was a way of fighting back. A way of taking a part of himself back. For 7 years we have not attended any family functions that that side of the family would be at, and received much ridicule & been ostracized by many. A way of saying despite your best efforts, you did not destroy me.
I know I need to breathe and just be happy he is doing so well, but I'm scared. Scared that a bigger wave of emotion is about to unleash. Five more days...five more days.
That darned clock. Is there any way to get away from it, to have a non-traditional holiday away from timepieces? Perhaps a long hike followed by leftover-turkey sandwich followed by a good, late movie? Maybe, as soon as your leftovers have hit the fridge, you can unleash an all-afternoon-into-night game of Monopoly, e.g.
I will be thinking of you (and all of you here) on Thanksgiving, so thankful for your support!!!
Thanksgiving was an entire mixed bag of emotions
Funny because I had my husband take all 4 kids to dentist for his first time ever... And after a police report and 4 children unsuccessfully seen at dentist, he has yet again failed to demonstrate himself a capable parent.
Sad because the reason the police called is that since 1 month since my daughters disclosure she has been unable to cooperate at dentist visits, pediatrician exams, at times unable to get in the shower.. And so I imagine my daughters panic all the worse as her father took her to the dentist - so she ran out the door thru parking lot across streets - he lost her - couldnt keep up - she went into another building said I don't want to go to dentist my dads chasing me n he scares me - they locked office doors n called dentist - another citizen saw my husband chasing my daughter - saw her running across streets n called police... CHAOS
Then arrives Thanksgiving - technically it was my visitation day but we split holidays and I enjoy that arrangement. His family celebrated at a restaurant. My 8 year old run away child didn't want to go inside n be w his family so she stayed in the car. He left her there n went inside n ate his meal w his family while my child sat alone no food n he periodically checked her. It snowed that day. The restaurant is maybe 2-3 miles from my house... As upsetting and horrifying these details are to learn, they are also relieving that he is sinking himself more and more.
I had Thanksgiving at my house in the evening n kids n my family had a nice time all together :-)
Ty for asking Naive.
How r u?
96, it is true that sometimes these horrible things (people) open themselves up for our children to see their true colors. A child's perception is remarkable, they will figure out someone's true character without any influence from us. ((HUGS))