Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
My 9 Yr old son has been sexually assaulted by his 13 Yr old brother, I'm broken, I'm torn and I have no one to talk to.
Welcome to this board. Sorry you had to join but I’m glad you did. To me there is no better therapy then talking about your situation and knowing you won’t be judged.
I have gone through the exact same. Sibling sexual assault. My son raped my daughter in 2019 and it turns your world upside down to say the least. It was exhausting for me to have to support both your kids, because that is what you have to do. Not just one needs your love and support-they both do.
I ran into difficulties due to having to deal with defends lawyers as well as then going to appointments with the crown who was charging my son. I had problems with my daughter as she told me “if you’re supporting him you’re not supporting me”. I understood her thought process but it was an impossible situation for me.
Luckily my daughter agreed to a counseling session with the two of them prior to court. It definitely was a rocky road for our family as everything you built seemed to be destroyed. My son did go to jail (young offenders) and has since been released. We are now struggling with him to try to get on with his life as he feels he doesn’t deserve anything good. As strange as it is to say he is the one that is having the hardest time and not the victim. However saying this, she struggled for a few years with depression but we were able to get her into a sexual assault counsellor to help with that. I had both my kids in counselling right away. You need to do that if you haven’t already. And you also need to get some help for yourself. I never did as I was to ashamed to talk to anyone. To this day no one knows except our immediate family and my mom (grandma). It has been a long road with many many bumps along the way. It will not be easy but it will get better. I can’t stress enough to get counselling for both the kids. Do not push to reconcile as I did since I was devastated to loose our family. It took longer I think than if I was to leave it alone. Good luck, keep your head up and come here to vent anytime you need. You’re a great mom and it was not your fault.
May I ask if you had your son back home to live with you?? If so how did your daughter cope seeing her attacker everyday??
That's what I'm struggling with at the moment, I can't have my son home because I would expect him to have to face his rapest everyday and pretend all is OK.
My son was moved out of our home straight away he is now living 100s of miles away in a special home for boys like him.
I'm not sure if I can forgive him, it's not just my other son who caught them I'm not sure I'd want to face him everyday again pretending nothing ever happened.
They will never be able to share a bedroom and I don't have anywhere to put him so that's a problem as well.
I feel so lost and pulled in both directions.
My daughter moved a week after to go to school in a different city. For a year they did not talk at all. No communication whatsoever. My daughter hated him and wanted nothing to do with him. No one blamed her. It was tough for me because I had a hard time being around him at all. I totally dropped the ball as a parent and let him do what he wanted as long as I didn’t have to see him. To look at him almost made me I’ll. It wasn’t uNeil my oldest daughter (we have 3) told me to get my shit together. I realized how I’d been treating him and started to try to be a mom again. This was after about 8-9 months after. My daughter returned back and moved in to the family home. I thought it might work, was very hopeful but no go. She had triggers everywhere. Our house is very large where the kids have their own spaces so I thought maybe. At this time it was still being investigated since my son denied it from day 1. Only when the DNA came back did he finally break.
After about a week of my daughter being home we moved my son out into an apartment. My husband and I tried to take turns staying with him but it didn’t always work and st 16 1/2 he was there a few nights a week himself. He was very angry and didn’t want anything to do with any of us. His guilt was horrible for him and he became suicidal. The courts put in an order where the kids were not allowed any contact. It was probably one of the lowest parts gor me as we tried having a 2 hour Christmas with my son while my daughter drove around and then all but pushed him out the door. She was hurt and angry to that we even asked her to do that. She felt we were picking him. We weren’t but I just really wanted to see all my kids that day even if they all couldn’t be under the same roof.
My son did go to jail. Young offenders. Now that he is out things seem to be better for the two of them. They can be here together for dinner (my daughter moved out since she’s 21 and my son since moved back home). They will never be as close as they were but I am thankful for what our family has.
I am not sure if the exact situation with your son. If he has done this before or? For me personally I have a lot of regret to how I handled myself with my son. He has cried a few times saying “why do you care? If I don’t care about me why do you? Look what I’ve done to our family”. He started using drugs and alcohol to cope so we are trying to get him on a straight path now. Just remember there is no handbook on this. I’ve read books, done a load of research but at the end of the day every family is different. Try going on another group on here. It’s called hearts of healing. There is never anyone on it anymore but it is for sibling sexual abuse. It is where I went after learning and even if you go on and read others stories it will make you not feel so alone. I feel for you and I am so sorry you are going through this. Take care ❤️
It's been going on for months, he groomed my 9yr old and made it a game, my little one has lots of guilt because he was enjoying it, he knew it was wrong and did try to.tell me a few times but couldn't find thr words.
My older son will never be able to come home and to be honest I'm not sure I want him to.
It's all so very confusing.
Thinking if you and sending you hugs and all the strength to continue through this situation. Keep your head up and know you’re a good mom. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this. Who would ever think this could happen? Definitely not us so do not feel any guilt or it will just eat away at you. Plug away and be there for your kids. Look after yourself though. That is number one priority. Sending you all the strength. It sounds ridiculous to say it gets better as I never would have thought so but it does. Take care.